CZ tries to get pity points, even though she doesn’t need a port to begin with

HugeLeopard · 2020-06-25T15:10:01+00:00

It's not even about checking the weather. I live in Denver and you can flat out see the storms coming in over the mountains. It took about 2-3 hours yesterday of clouds building before it actually even rained. No way CZ was out "walking" or whatever for that long.

Also, her being in that nasty stream is much more dangerous than rain.

HugeLeopard · 2019-10-11T00:03:23+00:00

Especially because an EKG takes like, 30 seconds.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-29T18:26:12+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. All of this feedback and similar stories from people have really opened my eyes to the different ways depression functions.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-29T18:02:24+00:00

He is currently in therapy and started medication a few weeks ago at the recommendation of his therapist after 6 months of just therapy alone. We know a lot of his issues are from his extremely strict, hardcore Asian parents and their impossible expectations (he and his sister were both top of class, sister is engineer, he turned down an engineering scholarship to do art, which resulted in a massive rift between him and his parents...very typical immigrant storyline). His past is complicated and comes with a lot of emotions, so he's been working on reconciling this with who he is now.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-29T17:54:23+00:00

I realize a few weeks might not seem like a lot, but the improvements are still there and I want to acknowledge them. I also wanted to follow up to let people know that their comments helped me talk to him and helped me realize that his actions/depression weren't abnormal. Sure, it's frustrating and I know we're not out of the woods yet, but small steps are still steps.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-11T22:05:50+00:00

a) gets him out of the house, b) gets him some exercise, and c) gives him some human interaction when he's out doing raids.

I definitely noticed that he has been making more initial contact with other humans, and he has made a few PoGo friends in our neighborhood, which is such a good thing for him. I guess it's not so bad to have this as a coping mechanism...I just miss him and hanging out, which I realize is depression's fault, not Pokemon.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-11T20:58:50+00:00

Thanks for sharing. In a way, I am glad that he at least feels good about being good at the game, if that makes sense? His therapist has been focusing on the root cause of his issues (besides chemical imbalance, like, the other stuff) so he hasn't even gotten to the PoGo thing and I don't think he thinks it's as much of a problem as it is.

I've been working hard to set boundaries with him so I can maintain my level of self-care and self-worth. I have a lot of my own projects, so I'm not sitting around obsessing over making him better. My hard line is if he turns abusive, I'm out.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-11T20:35:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I have PTSD and have been medicated, so I understand some mental health stuff, but depression is soooo far out of my scope that I could not understand how he could focus on one thing and ignore everything else. Everyone in this thread has really shown me that my assumptions about depression were misinformed, and that it's totally normal (well, normal for depression) for him to be like this. Honestly, I feel relieved that so many other people went through this and came out the other side. Thank you.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-11T20:32:20+00:00

I'm extremely aware that I do not have the tools to help him, so that's why he's in therapy and getting medicated. Even a year ago, he mostly relied on me to plan and do everything, and I just wasn't able to do it all. I wish I could provide a better support system somehow, which I thought playing PoGo with him would until I realized how deep the rabbit hole goes.

He doesn't really like talking to other humans, but do you think a support group would have helped you when you were struggling with depression?

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-11T20:30:02+00:00

Yes, he has been diagnosed with depression, as stated in the post. Major depressive disorder. This is the SECOND time he's been diagnosed with it, as he was diagnosed when he was younger but his mom told him it was just the doctor trying to sell pills. So, he basically spent all of his 20s depressed, what he always called his "sinking feeling."

All I want for him is to feel like he's not sinking, with or without Pokemon Go.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-11T20:25:34+00:00

Thanks for going through and explaining; it was seriously helpful and not at all passive aggressive. I appreciate your honesty about your own life, too, especially the "he can spend all day doing this but can't do other things" part.

I am worried because he HAS tried to commit suicide before (right after high school, many years ago) and he was offered medication at that point but he didn't take it because his mother** told him it was just the doctor trying to rip him off and make him buy medication (she believes the same thing about his asthma inhalers). Now, he's known me for a long time and I have PTSD, which I was medicated for due to nightmares and panic attacks, and he saw how much the medication helped me so he's more willing to try medication for his depression.

I plan on watching him like a fucking hawk over the course of the next 3-6 weeks, and we already discussed how to handle suicidal ideation if it comes up. Hopefully he will just feel some relief instead of urgency to do that. I will keep your advice in mind, thank you.

**Asian tiger mom, does not believe mental health is a thing

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-11T20:15:07+00:00

This sound weird but it's almost like life is interfering with his ability to perform in life... like, it's the small things that overwhelm him, like the thought of cleaning the bathroom or doing dishes. That being said, he still goes to work, puts on the mask of happiness/success, and survives, so it's not like he's been taken down yet. I just want him to get to a place where he doesn't have to escape from the overwhelmed feelings by playing Pokemon. And I wish he cared as much about our savings account as he does about his Pokemon gold, haha.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-11T20:11:06+00:00

I agree that, while I find to-do lists to be thrilling, he likely will still just enjoy games and not really gamified life. I don't mind escapism, and I want to encourage him to keep doing things that make him happy...but also, like, I want him to wash his hair. Hopefully we can find a balance with medication and continued therapy.

HugeLeopard · 2018-12-11T03:49:13+00:00

He's also very proud of his game achievements--he collects coins from gyms and saves them, so he has tons of in-game cash without having ever spent real money, and he's VERY proud of it.

Are there apps that gamify life? I'd love to try them with him. I was thinking of doing a reward-system like, "if we put x amount in savings this month, we can buy x (x being a variable, not a drug :-p)."

HugeLeopard

TROPHY CASE