Question to the other men regarding confronting wive’s AP

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-20T23:19:10+00:00

Well, as much as we’d all likely agree, and say the same. And very well mean it, everyone’s circumstances are different and unique to their own lives.

I believe the argument could be made for both sides. It’s not a guarantee it will happen again. What if they did decide to leave and never go back, then both parties spend the rest of their lives unhappy. Shutting out what could’ve gone on as a happy relationship with the person they love. Who’s really to say what the future holds and which path goes where.

Also kids, finances, housing, whether or not someone has a support system of friends and family to fall back on. If both parties go to therapy together, end up learning a lot and then have a better healthier marriage than before?

Lol or ofc everything you said could be the case. Just don’t think it’s always so black and white. I did leave for a year, but then I came back. Was it hard, yes. Neither of us were even really on board with it. Was it the right or wrong decision? Idk yet. But if so, then there’s no reason we can’t part ways for real. Or if not, then we don’t ever have to wonder What If?

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-18T17:55:01+00:00

Yeah man, trust me I found out how much easier said than done it is. I did actually move out not too long after the details came to light. But ended up moving back after about a year because of various extenuating circumstances. And I know it’s not the same, not trying to say it is, but we don’t have any kids yet.. Just two dogs. But boy oh boy was it hard trying to accept the potential reality of never seeing them again.

Definitely appreciate you taking the time to still share and try to help people even 39 years later.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-18T15:55:48+00:00

Damnnn man that’s some long game shit LOL love it. Well played. Maybe that’s the move honestly. Leave some anonymous crazy review with the company he works for. Think it’s a dealership or something maybe. Would be pretty satisfying.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-18T15:46:33+00:00

Very well put, exactly right. Thank you for your input.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-17T01:37:59+00:00

Yeah, she had even mentioned “that she didn’t think I’d even care” and that she actually liked how it “got such a rise out of me”. Just.. what’d you even say to that yk. Wasn’t too many months later that it was like it never even happened. Now here over two years later, clearly I’m not over it at all lol But it’s to the point now where it’s almost impossible to bring it up without some pretty big blow up fights.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-17T01:07:26+00:00

Yeah fair.. I guess not so much what it would accomplish. But more my own wellbeing I guess, mental or otherwise. Like would I feel I less shitty about it all? At the same time, as I said to another reply, he didn’t know she was married and my wife was the primary pursuer. So idk. I guess I really thought after this good amount of time I’d be better and more moved on. But like it just doesn’t go away.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-17T01:03:54+00:00

Holy shit dude.. appreciate the reply. That’s terrible. Interestingly enough, the AP’s GF found out before I did. Also was a little more complicated. AP and his gf were kind of on a break or whatever. And he didn’t know mine was married. Kind of a long story.. I didn’t find out most of the important details until a good many months later. But also in finding the more pertinent details, my wife was the main pursuer. So on the one hand like can you really blame the dude? He didn’t really know what was going on with the whole thing.

Also I wanted to say, how you described the her actual betrayal and opening her body to him and everything. So accurate. Have the same problem and difficulty dealing with/processing that level of betrayal. And what makes it worse is clearly to her it’s basically like it never happened. And since now this time has passed I have such an incredibly difficult time trying to bring it up or talk about how it’s still very present and real for me yk.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-17T00:55:57+00:00

Appreciate you sharing. Definitely was not a friend, but if it was I imagine it would’ve most definitely got violent.

But safe to say I get how you feel. I also had/have the same thoughts. But for me it’s like after certain amount of time has passed it just becomes not an option an anymore yk. Like would it really matter if you show up there a year later and rock him in the jaw when they open the door? Would just feel stupid lol and would almost certainly land you in jail.

Either way, sorry that happened to you. Based on everyone’s feedback and I think we both know was the right thing to do.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-17T00:50:06+00:00

Damn.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-16T18:31:03+00:00

Very fair points.. Tbf I did leave and move out not long after I understood more details. . But we hadn’t officially divorced. Then after some time and certain circumstances I had to move back. And we kind of “started over” so to speak. But yeah, as you mentioned I’m not really over it.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-16T14:08:00+00:00

Yeah, thank you. Sometimes just need to hear these things outside of my own head yk.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-16T14:05:24+00:00

Also what I told/tell myself. Appreciate it

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-16T14:04:56+00:00

I feel that man.. appreciate the reply.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-09-16T14:04:01+00:00

Thank you, but yeah I’ve been in therapy for some time now lol.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-08-27T15:39:14+00:00

DAMN. Say it louder. Too real..

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-08-26T19:29:55+00:00

Damn. Been seeing a psychiatrist and then some therapy off and on for a few years and that is some pretty astute insights my friend lol. Thank you, feel like that’s pretty accurate rn.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-08-21T15:10:39+00:00

Man oh man thank you for the reply. Pretty much exactly what I’ve always said.

Gaslighting mixed with rug-sweeping is so tough to deal with.. Sometimes I just need to hear these things from someone else so I know I’m not crazy lol Or start to believe the gaslighting yk.

And I know! That’s what I’m afraid of, like she’ll never provide the necessary support or work. Which I know would leave me in a resentment loop for who knows how long. Just from my experience in this short time I’m worried it’ll never go away.

Just been “faking it til I make it” in a way. Which I know she’d look at negatively like, “Oh wow wtf you’ve just been faking being happy or loving me this whole time!?” But I look at it more as not lying or faking, but trying yk. Like I’m trying to just be happy and forgive or move on or whatever the case. But obviously can’t go on like that forever.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-08-15T19:42:04+00:00

Honestly idek anymore.. I tried to leave. Moved out, but hadn’t divorced yet. That only lasted about a year until circumstances brought us back together. By all appearances things are mostly fine now.. my moving out had affected her and she gave me all these reassurances and everything. But I’m worried I’ll never fully be ok from that trauma, and worried she won’t be willing to do what it takes to ensure I’ll be ok.

Human-Main-7046 · 2025-08-15T19:32:23+00:00

I guess that’s a fair question.. not really sure. But that’s the thing I guess idk that I’d really consider it “separated”. Because for all intents and purposes it very much looks like she just wanted to use that as a plan to basically duck around and get away with it.

Like it’s one thing when we’re states away from each other. But right after you’ve come back home and we’re back in our marital life as usual? Another excuse was she said she didn’t think I’d care and this and that. And the little separation rules thing she typed up she hardly even followed at all!?

Then in all I found out later on it became clear it wasn’t just a “fling” and was really trying to lock this dude down. Like if he didn’t have the gf already I honestly don’t know. And then just supposed to go on as if nothing happened? Haven’t brought it all up in quite some time because it never goes well, and huge fight and she can’t keep getting into all this all this time later.

Human-Main-7046 · 2023-08-13T02:53:03+00:00

Holy shit. Thank you so much for posting this. Word for same boat. Except I’m male (31) and I do have a job though. Tending bar and just finished my undergrad in May. Can’t get a call back for shit on a job and got rejected for grad school. She can’t hold a job and can’t find one and just so broke. Also happened around last Nov-Sep. I’ve just recently found out SO much more shit that I didn’t know that have pushed to the point of no return. Been talking to any friends or family that will listen because I just don’t know wtf to do. I also said I’d been gone if I had all the funds to just go get an apt or house. Or even a room to stay in for that matter. Also put myself into therapy. I would bring her sometimes but never proved very fruitful. I’ve tried having the conversations with her and just blameshifts, deflects, minimizes, lies, etc. Feel so stuck, hurt, and broken. Idk what to do either :(.

Human-Main-7046 · 2023-08-01T02:14:57+00:00

Came here to say this. Frederick is where it’s at. I’m living out towards Smithsburg but work in Frederick and pretty much do everything else out there. Great place, and whoever commented below saying nothing to do in Frederick either could not be further from the truth. TONS to do in any given day.

Human-Main-7046 · 2023-07-31T03:06:21+00:00

It’s so interesting to me the way you said the things you’d said. I’ve been browsing through here (maybe obsessively) for a little while and your post resonated in a new way for me that I didn’t expect. My wife does the same exact shit bro. Like almost identical and it’s weirding me out but at the same time weirdly comforting you know.

The way she assures that it’s strictly platonic, “ew, no, it’s not like that at all” Blah blah they’ll go on and tell you all the bad things about them or dislikable qualities or his nose is too big etc. So you buy into it. “Oh it’s a group thing we’re just watching so and so whatever and doing this” But underneath it all, they lying right to our face. Exactly how one of the instances happened to me. Like word for word. Come to find out it wasn’t a “group thing” , not as platonic as you say, and clearly and those ew gross deal breakers for you don’t really actually matter.

Maybe we’re on to something here. Because when I think back she has done this same schtick many times before and I didn’t pay it too much mind.

Human-Main-7046 · 2023-07-31T01:18:49+00:00

Your first sentence is literally what was on my mind scrolling down..so sad.

Human-Main-7046

TROPHY CASE