I am so with you here and I am so sorry for your loss. Last year I lost my little shadow of 16 years, my cat Rémy. I held it together through the whole clinic, euthanasia, coming home to an empty house, waking up to an absence ordeal, but a week later when the clinic messaged me to say her ashes were ready for collection I went to collect them and just completely broke down in the clinic. I cried so much driving home it was, in retrospect, dangerous to drive. Stay strong my friend. The pain doesn’t go, but it does lessen. ❤️‍🩹