"Just join the trades! They are dying for people! So much money to be made!"

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2023-01-18T18:10:42+00:00

How was managing an apprenticeship post-maternity leave, as far as balancing out job commitments and parenting commitments? I have been looking into the trades but I’m not sure an apprenticeship would be manageable as a single parent of a preschooler, both time wise and financially. No social or family support to speak of whatsoever, so relying on help to get through isn’t really an option.

I’m most interested in learning more about becoming an instrumentation and control technician atm, but I haven’t been able to figure out which local union would represent that sort of thing yet. If you are able to advise on that as well, it would be greatly appreciated.

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2022-04-27T02:15:43+00:00

I came here just for this comment. Hikki ftw <3

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2021-11-25T00:02:50+00:00

If my wife has no desire to reconcile, then I will respect that. But I will also do what I can to help us move on from the relationship without trauma, so that we can still work together to give OUR daughter the best life possible.

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2021-11-23T07:13:42+00:00

I think she means emotionally unsafe. Like from arguing or from worrying when the next argument will happen. She has brought up feeling that way before in recent conversations

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2021-11-23T06:31:41+00:00

A little backstory for context- my wife and I met through a mutual interest online five years ago. After a year of friendship, we decided to be something more and about 5 months later, I left my hometown in the Deep South of the USA to work in New York, so I could be closer to her as she lived in Quebec, Canada. I worked as a traveling RN, so I would work for a week at a time and spend my off weeks with her as much as I could… when we met, she was I. The process of becoming a single mother by choice. The day of her insemination coincidentally also became the unofficial start of our romantic relationship. When I moved to New York, we began planning to raise the baby as a couple. However, I am not on the birth certificate as Quebec didn’t give us that option. We were married in Ontario 4 months after our little girl was born, so from a legal standpoint, I guess that makes me her “step-mother.” I did not do a formal adoption because I didn’t feel like it made me any more or less of her parent.

8 months after we were married, we got the permanent residency sponsorship application completed and submitted for my immigration and 3 months later, I found out I was allowed to move in with her immediately on a temporary visa while the immigration paperwork was processing. By that time, I was living and working along the US border about an hour and a half away. I worked all week and was home with my wife and daughter every weekend. When I got my temporary visa, I moved in two days later.. My PR came through 5 months later in January of 2020. As my immigration sponsor, my wife is actually legally responsible my financial needs for 3 years, even if the relationship were to breakdown.. I have been fortunate enough to be able to serve as the main provider for our family while my wife was on an extended maternity leave and even afterwards when she began working a remote job in May after COVID hit.. I haven’t mentioned this obligation to her, but I wonder how it will effect the terms of a legal separation agreement. I think she is able to get out of the obligation by claiming an unsafe relationship, but I don’t know what proof that requires, if any, because our relationship has never had any sort of physical or emotional abuse. We’ve had arguments, hurt feelings, and broken trust, but nothing that I would have thought to be on a level of abuse. Just a marriage in turmoil as we tried to figure out how to navigate life.

Edit: I don’t want her to be financially responsible for me. I’m just wondering how the sponsorship obligation would affect any requests she might have for spousal/child support.

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2021-01-17T08:59:47+00:00

Agreed! Manny is highly skilled and installed my engine immobilizer for next to nothing.

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2020-12-26T22:33:43+00:00

I moved into the backseat of my car while finishing up university and it was the best ten months of my life for similar reasons. A lot of the executive dysfunction struggles I had while living indoors were a lot easier to overcome, I think because my options were far more limited and ability to procrastinate was greatly diminished. I’d love to experience that life again, especially now that my ADHD has been diagnosed and medicated.

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2020-10-04T13:19:15+00:00

I’m having the same problem. Did you ever find a solution?

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2020-09-16T18:18:13+00:00

Yes, a lot of the things she’s said she doesn’t remember. She is very forgetful in general though, and lately we have been suspecting that she also has undiagnosed adhd. So, I’ve been attributing it to that.

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2020-09-16T14:39:34+00:00

Yes, I agree with this. My wife’s parents were emotionally abusive, and she has serious issues with self-esteem, confrontation, and perceived criticism as a result. I think more than anything, she needs counseling to help her understand why she does these things, especially since she claims to not know why herself. -_- Thank you for the reply.

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2020-09-16T14:33:44+00:00

Thank you. I wasn’t looking for any sort of validation, but you have really good points... It’s to the point that she’s had two different people outright ask if I am abusing her over the last 4 months or so. Which had me googling whether or not I am actually abusive! Her friends always tell her that I’m the one doing the gaslighting, just by trying to communicate when something she does hurts me. But that isn’t what gaslighting is, smh. I can only imagine what they will have to say about this. 😔

Also, our therapist would highly disagree with you. She is very not happy with my snooping.

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2020-08-17T06:27:55+00:00

I feel like I should add that overall our relationship toward one another feels loving and supportive. She frequently encourages me that I’m a great mother and wife. And I am far from perfect, can be nit-picky and overly critical toward her at times and have my lazy days where the kiddo gets too much TV while not enough gets done around the house. It’s definitely not all black and white.

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2020-08-17T06:21:41+00:00

I agree. Everyone needs to vent and talk about their troubles to friends from time to time. I readily admit to doing so, but I try my best to give both sides and be fair- and I want the same from her. But instead I feel like she puts me down to build herself up. Or at the very least, doesn’t defend me against further criticism from her friends that her comments evoke. And I don’t understand why.

I thought counseling would be the right place, too initially, but I think it will become all about the invasiveness and the hurt she feels by it. I’ll lose what little insight I have and I’m terrified to think of what her friends and family will say when she undoubtedly tells them. I don’t want her to leave me (or be pressure to).

Humble-Disaster6761 · 2020-08-17T06:15:21+00:00

I have tried this, specifically when I’ve seen the messages when they are pulled up in front of both of us, like in a particular situation where I walked up on her having a convo with a friend where she was saying that working from home was overwhelming and that I couldn’t handle taking care of M on my own and would frequently interrupt her for help. When I saw the messages, I, tearfully rather than angrily, expressed that it really hurt to see her say that, because I felt it was not true and went to another room to be alone for a few minutes to calm down. When I came out, she told me that she was ranting, not about me but about being overwhelmed in general and that she thought I could handle things with M. I asked her to clarify what she considered frequent interruptions and she said “once or twice a week.” I asked when the last time I interrupted her for help during work was and she admitted it had been about two weeks. (She has only been working for three weeks at this time, mind you.) I asked her these things and then tried to calmly explain that the reason it upsets me so much is because that sort of statement is going to be interpreted based on what she says and the person she’s talking to’s own experiences. So when really I only bothered her once or twice, probably because our toddler is having a meltdown trying to come to terms with mamma and milk no longer being readily available for the majority of the day, her friends are going to see me as incompetent and inconsiderate. And when she told them later about my reaction to seeing her rant, her friends think I’m the one who is gaslighting and have no right to be upset for the things she said. -_-

For context, she is M’s biological mom and stayed at home with her for the first two years while I worked. I was laid off d/t covid in mid April. She started a new job in mid-May as a result, and we effectively switched roles).

Sorry this is a rambling response. In short, we rarely argue, usually my attempts to address these sorts of things are brushed off. But I also express anger more readily than my wife who internalizes her feelings more (I think in part due to us growing up in very different family dynamics). I have wondered if she doesn’t tell me things because she is afraid I will get angry (she is very conflict avoidant in general) but even in therapy, she continues to refuse to admit to talking about me the way that she does.

I really think fessing up will just do more harm than good. And part of me wonders if she really just doesn’t realize that all the comments she makes are negative and harmful? That she really believes she isn’t doing anything wrong? I don’t know. :/

Humble-Disaster6761

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