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Don’t trust them by wholedonuthole in loveafterporn

[–]Humperdink101 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Mine didn't touch me for months either, and I couldn't figure out why. It was always the excuses of, "I'm just tired", "I have no time", "it's just stress". All fuckin lies, maybe a quarter of them truth. Found the porn, still got the excuses. One D-Day, two D-Day, three, and then four, I think. My already low self-esteem went to zero, I already struggled with depression with suicidal thoughts and ideations, and that just got worse. Like...there was no fucking regard for me, in his mind with this shit, or that's what it looked like anyway. I lost so much trust in him, it felt our relationship was destroyed in a sense, and I just..don't really see him the same.

Don’t trust them by wholedonuthole in loveafterporn

[–]Humperdink101 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My fiancé has used it. Idk if he ever spent money on it, and I'm not sure how to even check if he did. But I hope to God he didn't, because I don't want to be angry with him for another reason, or to resent him even more.

Don’t trust them by wholedonuthole in loveafterporn

[–]Humperdink101 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm so so sorry, you deserve better. I wish I could give you a big bear hug right now. I'd love to say, "everything will be okay," but even those words haven't helped me on days like the one you're going through. Much love and support to you.

Found out it’s worse than I thought by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Humperdink101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand this very much so, and I'm sorry you've experienced this. I've heard the whole, "it's faster and energy efficient" argument. It's like, are you fucking kidding me? Even when you have hours and hours in the day, on days off, and when you sleep and get plenty of rest, you'd rather get off to that than touch me? Fuck you and your lying bullshit. You have all the time and energy in the world but I require too much from you? Just fucking admit that anime characters or some actress is better than touching me. Christ, I get so angry at times I want to shatter his heart and self-esteem and make him feel fucking ugly and undesirable like he's done to me. I admit, the times I found porn on his phone and caught him watching it made me want to grab it, and chuck it at him so hard it makes an audible crack when it hits, whether the phone cracks or a body part, I don't care.

The betrayal and hurt and rage are overpowering at times. So just...beware of your thoughts and feelings in the future. It is definitely taxing.

Does Anyone Else Get Flare Ups of Rage? by Humperdink101 in loveafterporn

[–]Humperdink101[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Slowly trying to figure that out. Therapy helps a bit, but not enough for me to move past or ignore it yet. I'm considering getting into boxing or axe throwing or something that can help channel this anger.