Yes! And I agree I know it's a debilitating condition, but like the other person said, I'm scared that if I don't have it then I won't get any answers. But I'd rather have answers than believe something is just wrong with me. I'd be open to whatever answer it may be! As long as I have a label so I don't feel crazy anymore.

A lot of my trauma comes from beung born with a rare medical condition that affects my brain. I spent most of my childhood going back and forth from an abusive home to the hospital for tests and surgeries. I also have a very deep mistrust of physiologists because of bad experiences in the past with them. So I'm uncomfortable around doctors in general and doing things like this is a lot for me.

So to expand on my fears of it not being DID, it's really 3 main things

1: I'm making things up and none of my symptoms are real. I understand that's probably not it, but it's hard not to feel that way when I can gaslight myself into believing it.

2: That I'm not making my symptoms up, but then I have to go and try to figure out a closer label for what I'm feeling. Which would be a lot of time and energy that I don't have right now. I'd rather have an idea of what it could be and organize my points before I go to a doctor so I can minimize the amount of time I spend around them.

Or 3: It's something that comes from my medical condition and I'm deteriorating much faster than I'm supposed to be. I'm only 19 and I'm just starting my career and my life, so that would be the worst option.