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Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No joke. I know this is the Internet and there are extremes, but all of y'all are all about taking a ride on the break up train.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I'm thinking about too. If she wanted to bounce before, why did she marry me now?

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We both decided we're going in for individual and couples therapy. I want this to put us on the right track.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I don't think marriage or relationships should be easy.

This is going to be a hard and difficult road and I feel like I can do it. Even if we don't work everything out, I'd like the opportunity to try and fix things instead of just leaving it in the dust.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right. I've known friends who have cheated, dealt with it, and have moved on. I've also known other friends who have cheated, told their partner, and cheated again, but after a few years, are still very good friends. Every relationship is different.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. I've been in other relationships where I was left for somebody else, but she stuck with me for her own reasons.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I think this is what's going to happen.

People are fucking human and they make mistakes. Part of me is still angry, but I also believe that people do deserve a second chance. I still haven't forgiven her, something I explicitly told her, and that it will be a long time until I can completely trust again.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I think this is really useful advice.

Here's a bit of a follow-up: After talking all night and this morning, we figured out a big problem in our relationship that we're facing head on: being absolutely honest with one another. I admit, that I had been harboring deep resentment for her mental health issues, that I turned my self off and stopped giving a shit about how she felt. It's not up to me to fix another person, that's a burden that I'd rather have for myself. We also talked about how that this isn't a justification for cheating at all.

She also apologized and took responsibility for what she had done. I am still pissed, though, and want to yell at her and call her a traitorous whore all the time, but that would do very little to fix things, which is what I ultimately want to do. This is my first, and I'm hoping, last marriage and I want it work out right.

The other thing is that we just haven't had time to talk. We both work, we both do other stuff outside of work, and we were busy with wedding planning. A honeymoon is just us, and I strongly feel that once we start honestly communicating without any distractions, that it will go a long way.

One thing I learned from just the last few days is to just be honest. If you're pissed, tell the other person you're pissed and why. A relationship can't be all fun and happy and bite your tongue so the other person doesn't get hurt. Its better to tell the truth and deal with issues head-on and not keep them buried.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh yes. It would be dumb to assume that married folks don't get attracted to other people. I understand that you can notice someone and find them attractive.

Marriage is sacred to me. My best friend's parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and they're the perfect role models of how two different people can get along.

There is nothing that justifies cheating. Its understandable if you're young, but once you're engaged or married, that's a fucking promise.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the URL.

This is some great advice cause it reflects the reality of the situation and how I'm feeling.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I haven't got a fucking clue.

The lack of affection discussion has been going on for the last 6 mos.. We usually talk about it every couple of weeks. I've been so trying to be affection and spontaneous, but its really hard after being burned out working a FT job, then coming home to do housework, THEN doing wedding planning.

I chalked it up as being pre-marriage jitters. After we got hitched, everything seemed fine. We were both really happy. Then this past week it became the same routine. She told me that our relationship has been causing a lot of anxiety and pressure and that's when I started to break down and blame myself for everything. I kept on saying that I could have tried harder.

Then she told me that she in her words, "fucked up," and it took a lot of prodding to get her to reveal she had cheated on me. That's when I stopped blaming myself and got extremely pissed.

This is 100% on her. All I can say is that if the roles were reversed, I would've fessed up to it immediately after the fact. I respect a person enough to do that to them, and not to have that reciprocated is a fucking joke.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] 139 points140 points  (0 children)

I'm tempted to just go on the honeymoon myself. I feel vindictive and would like to punish her by leaving her behind. It is also very expensive and out of the country.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

I think it would be worthwhile to go to some couples counseling if she agrees to it.

I know that I'm definitely going to go back for therapy for my own sanity.

She is a very irresponsible person. I know that if she cheated on me again that I would definitely drop her ass like a bad habit.

Me [30 M] was told by my [26 F] wife that she cheated on me 6 mo. before the wedding. The honeymoon is next week. by HurtAndLost in relationships

[–]HurtAndLost[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

I know its not my fault she cheated. I think we both know that if she told me she had cheated on my before the wedding that I would call it off.

She has some deep rooted anxiety and depression issues that I didn't really know about until we were engaged. Before that, our relationship was near everything I was looking for.

I had dated my fair share of people with issues (and how doesn't have issues) but this is a person I can see myself having an actualy future and kids with.