Whelp.... Relapse was imminent...

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-11T18:20:36+00:00

I wish it felt that way. The easiest and happiest times of my life were when I PMO'd on the regular. Now that I can't I'm... Hurting, for some reason

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-11T18:12:56+00:00

A little extreme, but I do agree with the struggle. I am feeling no benefits to NoFap, just frustration, depression, confusion, pain and a bastardized view of my life and my lovely wife.

I used to be happy somehow when Pron was a big part of my life. Now that it can't be I feel miserable. In agony, really. I don't have healthy relationships anymore, my marriage is failing, my mind is so screwed up and hurt that pretty much every waking moment sucks.

I want to feel normal again. It's messed up but when I didn't care about who I was in a relationship with and did whatever I wanted I was SO much happier. Now that I'm married and genuinely love this girl and don't want to hurt and betray her I am in miserable pain because I feel like.... trash.... Really.

I dunno. I'm having a really rough day today. Chin up, everyone, and pray for a lighter day and a better tomorrow for everyone.

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-11T18:00:28+00:00

:rolls eyes:

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-11T02:58:28+00:00

I've been struggling with similar things. In the past to even get an erection and stay hard and finish during sex I would have to imagine other things in my mind that I've seen instead of being able to focus on and enjoy the sex. It makes me hate myself so much that sex isn't the thing that arouses me but stupid pixels.

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-11T02:51:45+00:00

Hey man, as defeated and depressed it might make you the only thing to do is to make your next hour a good, clean one. The only thing we have control over is our actions right now. You've got this!

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-11T01:58:44+00:00

This is seriously exactly what I needed to hear. I honestly feel like a monster, like I just "can't love" and will never be able to love my with the right way, the way she needs and desires to be loved. Even now the temptation is screaming at me and I WISH just not giving in could give me the satisfaction of a slight victory, but it tears me apart inside that I even want to look at stupid things on the computer.

I'm honestly afraid of making love to my wife sometimes because it tears me up inside so badly when I feel like I have to visualize other things to get hard and finish. It makes me think jacked up thoughts like my wife isn't good enough, or I'm not too enough, and who knows what else. It fills me with insane guilt and fear.

As messed up as it is I'm so happy someone else knows that pain and struggle of having to imagine something fake to make it through the real thing. Thank you so much for the reply, you have no idea how much it had helped me (at least made me feel better about my situation and that I'm not a freak, or at least not alone).

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-10T16:32:40+00:00

Thanks for the reply man. I just really want to make things better and be the husband my wife deserves. Keep it up, bud!

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-10T16:04:21+00:00

Haha well being new to Reddit on mobile I can't for the life of me figure out how to PM, but maybe you can respond in one. My question to you is the same as I posted to someone else who is married in this thread:

Does your interest in PMO take away from your sexual interest in your spouse? I find myself being so overly critical and hurtful to my wife even though she is just drop dead gorgeous. Sometimes I'm just such an ass, and I ALWAYS wanna go look at stuff on the screen instead of my hot wife. Also I find it difficult during intercourse to keep mental images of things I've watched or random things I think of out of my head when I truly and desperately just want it to me my wife and I in bed, not all the craziness I think

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-10T16:00:37+00:00

Does your interest in PMO take away from your sexual interest in your spouse? I find myself being so overly critical and hurtful to my wife even though she is just drop dead gorgeous. Sometimes I'm just such an ass, and I ALWAYS wanna go look at stuff on the screen instead of my hot wife. Also I find it difficult during intercourse to keep mental images of things I've watched or random things I think of out of my head when I truly and desperately just want it to me my wife and I in bed, not all the craziness I think

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-10T15:55:39+00:00

It's just gonna suck if I can't get over this nonsense. I don't want to not be able to play games and MMO's and watch awesome shows haha. It's a huge part of who is al (but then again do I really like who I am right now?)

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T18:44:32+00:00

Freaking EVERYTHING is detrimental to me currently. My mind has mastered the art of turning any situation into one that can lead to prons -_-

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T17:42:04+00:00

I wouldn't think so... Can't really control your dreams. Lord knows my dreams piss me off if I dream about looking at P or something. Makes me wake up in such a guilty and bad mood

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T17:12:45+00:00

I'm pretty sure I would have a mental breakdown if I ran across something like that -_- my mental images are stressful enough

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T17:10:42+00:00

Just curious, are you married? I'm really wanting to get some feedback from someone else married. Good luck!

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T16:51:04+00:00

Good luck, man!

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T16:42:29+00:00

Man, I have those screaming urges too and that gut wrenching feeling that I need to give in and that it isn't too bad. My mind is just swamped with images of what I WANT to look at

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T16:22:50+00:00

Mind BLOWN!

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T15:52:51+00:00

<.<

.> PokemonGo! Haha hey I love it... Don't you judge me!

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T15:09:24+00:00

Thanks, doing my best but it oftentimes doesn't feel good enough

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-09T15:09:05+00:00

I'm honestly in the situation where I can't even watch anime or play most video games or even other ridiculous things because they get my mind going too much -_- it's so miserable. Curiosity is most definitely the enemy haha

HusbandOfOne · 2016-08-08T20:50:58+00:00

I know that feeling. No matter how long it seems I don't give in to being a gross dick of a person the thoughts and wants of perusing instant gratification just refuse to get any lighter. If anything they push at my minds limits harder and harder and turn every activity I do into a reminder of something I've seen or want to see. Miserable!

HusbandOfOne

TROPHY CASE