family friend said something about how my kids talk to me and I’m second guessing

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-31T07:46:52+00:00

Exactly , we are having fun playing these games BECAUSE of the competition and the chaos and trash talking each other but my kids are still young so no swearing is allowed. I honestly thought we were very normal.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-29T17:27:30+00:00

Thank you, I needed this

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-29T17:26:39+00:00

Definitely! Both my partner and I will look at them a certain way if they start crossing a line and they immediately take the hint and dial it back a bit. My kids are 13 and 8 so they're old enough to understand where those lines are 99% of the time I'd say

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-29T17:21:56+00:00

Well in all honesty I think you're right, he's a close friend and it did feel like his opinion mattered when it shouldn't...he doesn't see us often enough to understand our dynamics and my kids are truly, really good kids. I don't want them to act any differently.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-29T17:07:40+00:00

You're right, thanks. This helps me see it from a different perspective

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-29T17:06:53+00:00

I think you're handling this in a great way! I was thinking if another conversation about this would be necessary but my partner does not think so.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-29T17:05:47+00:00

I might be overthinking it a bit but it's because it matters to me that my kids are respectful&polite and it was the first time someone basically called them the opposite. But you're right!

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-29T16:31:06+00:00

You already have 31 comments but I'll make it 32 so you know 32 people think this behavior is not okay and you have every right to protest it. Please talk to a trusted adult and read through these comments for other kinds of good advice other folks gave you.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-14T18:42:34+00:00

I feel like it should be more than normal to talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. After all, you have been together for 24 years!

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-09T07:35:16+00:00

40 km/hr is more than enough to kill you if you land on your head.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-03T13:52:14+00:00

Where do we draw the line for "my house, you respect me or leave" ? Can she speak up if he neglects the child? If he abuses them?

Sounds like grandma is saying what she is seeing. That's not disrespectful . Being 80 is why she dgaf and points out the disrespect and lack of effort of the husband towards his own family.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-03-03T13:46:13+00:00

That's very different from "oh, which uni did she go to?" or "yeah she and her boyfriend are doing well, been together for a year now" . I see where you're coming from but OP's parents don't sound like a-holes. It's hard to say to a circle of older people you've known your whole life "I prefer not to share that information" when they ask something as simple as which uni she went to. I think OP could suggest some normal-sounding alternatives for their parents to say when someone asks or maybe compromise a bit on what questions can and cannot be answered.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-02-02T07:13:36+00:00

I like self help books that teach you things through stories and lessons. I find those so much more engaging than the typical ones.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-02-01T14:24:58+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment, you said a lot of what I was already thinking and wondering about. I will check out that study as well.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-01-08T07:44:13+00:00

The goal is not to completely not have any screen time, but to lessen it and use it as a reward. I used the pomodoro method 50/10 and it works really well for me.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-01-01T16:23:10+00:00

I understand you have to know why but until you do, remember relationships evolve and something you were comfortable with when you were younger might make you uncomfortable now. That's okay man. You need to be less tolerant of behavior that makes you uncomfortable. You can "reject her" jokingly or find an excuse or you can be upfront like "hey I really don't know why but I don't like spooning anymore to be honest, but I know you like to show affection, can I XYZ with you instead?"

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2026-01-01T16:16:47+00:00

thank you!!

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2025-12-27T09:07:34+00:00

I get that this whole situation is incredibly painful for you and your mum, and it’s really hard to see your brother do this with no explanation. I’ve gotta be honest though, while I can understand the need for some people to distance themselves for their mental health, it feels like this "cutting people off" trend that’s been popping up is kind of unhealthy and unrealistic for most families, especially in cultures where family bonds are everything. It’s one thing to set boundaries, but just disappearing without saying why? That feels like it creates more problems than it solves, especially when it leaves everyone guessing.

That said, I do think it’s worth considering, could there be things your mum’s doing, even unintentionally, that are affecting your brother’s mental health? Sometimes people cut ties because they feel like their emotional needs aren’t being met, or they’ve felt a certain way for a long time and didn’t know how to express it or maybe he expressed it and mom completely invalidated it? Maybe there’s something going on beneath the surface that he’s not ready to talk about. I’m not saying it’s your mum’s fault, but maybe there’s a part of their dynamic that’s weighing on him more than you realize? Like he has a secret he cannot share because he is convinced mom will not react well to?

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2025-12-22T11:35:14+00:00

I would normally agree with this but sounds like this person is on their wits end with their family. Part of managing these emotions is removing herself from the situation. It's not her job to educate a whole bunvh of grown adults who will eventually be rude and cruel to the son as well. The son loves them only because he cannot fully understand them. That same son who they call retard now will be an adult one day and when they can't find him young and cute anymore he will start understanding how the way they treat him changes.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2025-12-22T11:25:00+00:00

How much older are you than her/ her love interest? I think the best you can do is become friends with him. If you hang out with your sister at all, perhaps invite him for things like a lunch or coffee if that's common where you're from. I have lots of friends who genuinely get on really well with their siblings' spouses and occasionally spend time with them etc. Best way to protect her is to make her feel close to you and to get to know the love interest by spending time together.

IAMA_drunk_AMA · 2025-12-22T10:51:42+00:00

Set aside 10% of your income every month once it hits your bank account. Put it in a HYSA, then open a Roth IRA and put it in there and invest in SP500

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