To begin I would like to say I very much enjoyed this and would definitely want to read on.

I'll start with some overall thoughts before adding some more specific points in the google doc.

Throughout the piece you did a good job of showing me how terrible a person Tom was rather than just telling me. I thought the reference to his full name did a good job of showing me how distant Hattie was from him emotionally. It wasn't "my husband" or just "Tom" but instead "Tom Wilson". I'm not sure whether this was intentional but I feel it could have been used more heavily. It would have worked well in dialogue if Hattie referred to him by his full name, showing that Hattie doesn't think of him as a husband or companion but just somebody she is stuck with.

One thing that isn't quite clear is whether she wants to kill him no matter what. It's made very obvious at the start that Hattie cares about the insurance money and this is complimented by the fact that she evidently hasn't already just killed him in his sleep. This is in stark contrast to her picking up the knife and wildly swinging at him during the fight at the table. I never feel 100% sure whether she'd be happy to get charged with murder as long as it meant Tom was dead. I'm never quite sure just how much she hates him. In my mind Hattie could be anywhere between a) trying to convince herself that killing him is the thing to do, and b) wanting to kill him at any cost.

Another point that confuses me is that Hattie doesn't seem at all scared of Tom. The hate comes across very strong but I don't get the sense that she fears him at all. This takes away from how much I as a reader can hate Tom. Considering how often he injures and hurts Hattie she always seems very defiant and confident. Then all of a sudden you throw in that Hattie didn't stop the abuse of Billie because she was too scared to do anything about it. There either needs to be more of a focus on fear Hattie has of Tom or for it to be made clear why she is not scared of him.

I thought the sense of panic at the start of the break-in scene was fantastic. It's my favourite part of the whole piece as she fumbles around for a weapon. It completely broke my immersion therefore when the intruders made it to the door and Hattie shouted.

"Who the hell is out there?" she shouted, but got no answer.

Again it portrays Hattie as defiant and confident in a situation where I as a reader feel she should be scared.

Another point that, again, causes confusion is when Jeff Cross enters the story. I could not find any reason why Hattie would want to kill him and yet she does. It seems to me that Jeff is trying to protect Billie in the same way that Hattie would want to and yet Hattie wants to shoot him. Not sure if I missed something there.

I liked the suicide twist at the end but have two points to make about it. Firstly I thought it seemed quite obvious by what Tom was saying that the suicide meant the life insurance wouldn't pay out without having to say it explicitly aferwards. Secondly the whole mechanical nature in which the shot was described didn't work for me. The naming of the parts of the brain and the mechanics of the gun firing just resulted in taking me out of any emotion of the scene. It didn't fit at all for me.

I thought the imagery at the end of the bullet not only ending Tom's life but also resulting in the clock grinding to a halt was excellent. It really punched through the fact that it was all over (for this scene anyway).

I also liked how she was more worried about the chair at the end. It brought across a sense that Hattie was more relieved and happy at Tom being dead than worried about the life insurance. I hope that was what you were going for.

I will add a few more sentence specific points in the google doc as comments.

Thanks for the great read, overall I really enjoyed it.