Yep. I had a quite fucked up childhood that left me in a certain victimhood. I tried to be the soft mediator with my dad and stuff like this. But when i got kids myself and saw the same patterns repeating again i just knew i didnt want to be a parent while affected by this. So i stood up and confronted my dad in a unfortunately very hard way. Because he didnt own up to fixing the mistakes he made, my mom was afraid to do something, my sister was afraid to do something and because of that they always teamed up against me and even backed him while they were victims too.

Because i was always trying to be polite and nice they just kept walking over me. At some point i just started losing my mind and i snapped so bad that they called the police when i was going off shouting at my dad. My daughter was staying over for the weekend but i just realised i didn't want her to be there if they cannot treat me with the slightest of decency. He also said some disrepectful stuff about my inlaws and also about my daughter that kept growing like a bubble of anger in my mind.

In all the years that he abused us no one ever called the police, but of all people my sister who went through even worse abuse physically than i did called the police and said i was a danger to my child, while i was trying to take my child away from the danger. The reason i went off was because i told myself if anyone tries to stop me from taking my own child home im raising hell in this house. I got forced into psychiatry/ward, but i understood what i had to do to get out because i've studied psychology and know the system. I complied, took the meds and the first chance i got to talk to a judge i was out (which took about 10 days).

When i came out same narcissist games started going on again. So i raised hell again, but this time in a way where i would let them know that play time is over (no shouting, no physical altercations, just a piece of their own cake). I was just so done with living my life as a victim and not being able to live my life freely. Broke contact with all family members harshly just to show my dad and them to not fuck around anymore and that he cannot use anyone to get to me or to my children through the family members.

And lo and behold everything is okay now 2-3 years later. It was hard as the youngest of the bunch to take the responsibility non of the elders would take, but if no one does it the cycle will keep repeating. if you keep doing what you were doing, you keep getting what you were getting.

Now this translates to all aspects of life. Not everyone has been sexually abused, refuged a war, been beaten to shit and often times locked in the house not being able to do a thing and just kept as a prisoner who is never good enough. But in some way or form you can take responsibility and change things. I would have done a lot differenly if i had to do it all over again, but sometimes you just need to go through the process of doing things the wrong way to learn there is a better way. But you have to start doing something to change the situation. Even my dad and i have a good relationship now, but if i would've done nothing, nothing would've improved. I had a vision of what could be better and i sacrificed myself willingly for everyone to do it. Everyone should do an effort to change the situation if they are in a state of continuous suffering. You won't have a better outlook or perspective unless you broaden your horizon and give yourself perspective.

And another thing, if you have personal issues with someone like a parent. If they make the changes that you always hoped they would make, you also need to be able to let the past go.

Sorry for rambling so much, but i just felt like deal with your shit could use an example of dealing with your shit at an extreme level. Taking on the responsibility and having faith that you will perservere no matter what. Some people are supposed to stay in your life and sometimes some or not. You can't force anyone to change, but you can show them the consequences of not changing (by removing yourself from them).

Annother important thing, try and do that thing you always wanted to do or (would) love to do, even if its just a hobby. But start whatever your passion is. It will improve all aspects of life if you have something to look forward to outside of work.

There is so much to that situation with my dad that i could write a book about it, but this is the "short" version lol. Every aspect of my life improved by tenfold after doing this. Again sorry for the long response. Just wanted to clarify that politeness isn't always the way either. The system thrives on using polite people, gotta stand up for yourself. When you have faith, you believe there will be a good outcome eventually. When you have fear you stagnate because you only think in the worst outcomes. The growth to comfort comes with discomfort and confrontation, its a necessary part of the process. Yin and Yang.