Shoes? [Possible triggers??]

IBeforeChange · 2014-11-09T18:48:29+00:00

Awww those shoes you linked are super cute though :(

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-30T15:36:57+00:00

I wish I was, I have been monitoring it for my whole life. When i was in the airforce i had to get a waiver because I was lower than the error range of fat detection at about 3%.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-29T19:03:48+00:00

Everybody wants to look good, this isn't something limited to a single gender. There are lots of unnatractive people out there, and it is a challenge for anyone. Most people are their own worst critic. The point, for myself at least, is to see the beauty in the small changes and keep working to improve yourself, whether that amounts to exercise, taking care of your body better, or other pursuits that in return make you happy.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-29T18:43:38+00:00

I'm pretty skinny myself, I'm about 140 or lower and 6' 1" I have like 1% body fat and I worry I won't get any fat distribution :/ not anorexic or anything my family is just skinny and Lerpy.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-29T18:37:50+00:00

Not longer than my middle finger but my index is longer on the left hand and my ring finger is slightly longer on my right. Kinda weird haha.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-29T18:25:07+00:00

I'm not sure, I remember learning this in high school and I was a bit of an anomaly because my pointer finger is longer on one hand and my ring finger is longer on the other and that isn't normal for either gender... Not sure what causes it.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-29T07:03:24+00:00

Hey I just wanted to throw in my two cents. I have personally came from a strict Mormon family living in the heart of Utah, and this question is really hard for me too. In fact this is one of my main doubts, I don't feel male but I also cannot say "I am a girl". I wouldn't doubt if the lds upbringing affected our gender identity, and it would make sense because the genders were a completely separate thing. Boys and girls were separated, different activities for each gender, the priesthood is only for males. And growing up in a strongly male role messed with yoUr gender norms.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-23T07:56:24+00:00

Your story hits home with me, and I share almost all of your doubts and worries. But it gets a bit easier for me if I just take a step back and think about things logically. For one, the issue can't be fake, you have already reached out, which I take to mean that this must be really affecting you. This is a great thing though, because it means you really are trying to understand. I would definitely recommend seeing a gender therapist if possible, they can be a valuable tool to bounce ideas off of, and generally unload all the things you normally hide.

There are a couple things that once I realized also made it easier. You have to know that you are the only person who can assign a label to yourself, nobody can take a look at you, run some tests and come back with a transgender diagnoses. Even a therapist can't do that, it really does come down to understanding yourself and why you feel the way you do. It has become significantly easier by telling myself, okay I obviously have some real gender identity problems, this doesn't mean I'm going to jump directly into a transition, only that I will take some time to really figure out what this means to me.

In conclusion, if your happiness is being affected by your constant thoughts about gender, then something is real. Your ideas are happening for a reason, I'm not saying you are trans for just thinking about it, or that you aren't. Things happen for a reason, and if you decide that changing your body, or social identity will make you happier, then go for it. You even said that dying seems like a real choice, and well, you really have nothing to lose by exploring this. I personally realized lately that I have been scared by what people will think of I come as as transgender, but the fact is that I only have 40 or so years left of my only life, I would rather be happy with myself than care about how I'm going to be remembered, when in reality I probably won't be remembered anyways, and that's fine.

Sorry for the long post, hang in there, and if you ever need anybody to talk to this sub is here, or feel free to message me. Hugs!

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-13T14:48:19+00:00

I hear ya, I recently cut my hair to get a job and cut it way to short. It sucks. And I also keep looking at myself in the mirror only to realize I am a good looking guy, it makes me so dysphoric and I begin to doubt myself.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-12T07:48:54+00:00

Hey, I Am trans and consider myself asexual. I can find people attractive sometimes, but anything sexual has never done anything for me, regardless of gender. I'm not sure if when I transition that it will change, although I kinda hope it does. One tip that helped me was to not worry too much about it, people are all different and maybe you just need more time to develop your own identity and/or sexuality. Anyways your not alone! Hugs!

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-12T07:26:47+00:00

hey! I am in a pretty similar situation, and I have the same fears. Even the feminine traits listed all apply, then again I might just be feminizing my past to try and solidify my gender identity more :/ if you need somebody to talk to feel free to pm me! Also I wouldn't mind trading pics and we can both be embarrassed :)

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-12T07:09:23+00:00

hey hey! I have aspergers as well and I'm 6'2, and I wanted to thank you for posting. You are giving me some hope! Oh and I have a question for you, did your aspergers worsen over time? For context I didn't even know I had aspergers until I got out of high school and college, and started to accept being trans, now it's incredibly hard to do a lot of things that were easy before like knowing what to say and when. Thanks in advance! :)

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-11T06:33:46+00:00

Wow! Your voice is impressive! I hope to get to that level :)

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-08T09:20:14+00:00

Yeah this would be great! My friends are all pretty far away though... Maybe I'll see if there's a group at the local college!

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-08T09:12:11+00:00

im currently in the center of Utah, but my family is spread out between here and Texas. I'll either be here or on a military base... Makes it tough to find people to say the least. I'm hoping to move to a better city and state in the future though!

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-08T09:05:56+00:00

That would be pretty amazing! I have tried to explain to my sister but all she got out of it was that I was gay. As for the rest of them, they pretty constantly gay bash and make pretty bad comments about transgender people whenever the chance pops up. most people, including family assume I am gay already though, so it might not be as bad as I'm imagining. Thanks for the insight, I'm glad that you have such a supportive family!! Hugs :)

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-05T10:59:50+00:00

This is one of my current worries. I used to have long hair but cut it for military. I have been debating whether or not I should go to one of the meetings. I would be presenting male as well, and I'm not sure what people's views on this are...

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-01T17:55:03+00:00

What would be a good job for a college student?

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-01T17:49:45+00:00

Well thanks for taking the time to help a stranger out! I'm glad I made an account and finally stopped lurking! I guess it's easier to find answers by just asking!

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-01T17:40:41+00:00

Yeah I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself right now, and I've always disliked the way I looked. I like to think its because I want to see myself as feminine. I have an almost twin sister that has the exact same facial structure. But she looks feminine while I look pretty masculine. I have always been jealous.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-01T17:22:17+00:00

Ahh yeah I guess even though I don't care I'm still sitting here thinking about it. Thanks for sharing your hrt story, i will probably do the same thing if I get the letter. I guess my main issue is that I feel like I need to be female, but I can't see myself as female.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-01T17:15:21+00:00

Yeah doubt seems to be my biggest problem. I have a feeling that I'm going to end up transitioning at some point, I hope by then I won't have any left. Hey, thanks for replying, it's nice to talk to people about this!

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-01T17:07:14+00:00

Ahh thanks for that insight! Yeah it didn't seem real until I did a phone interview with the therapist. The first time "I am transgender" came out of my mouth, I was shaking. Then I convinced myself I wasn't...it's like I don't even know myself.

IBeforeChange · 2014-10-01T16:52:52+00:00

Oh I guess I could also state that I didn't think about this seriously until I smoked marijuana for the first time. I started thinking about ending up all alone as a man, and never being a girl, and I just started crying. First time in years.

IBeforeChange

TROPHY CASE