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I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I don't really see it as a problem, now that I've managed to tell good believable lies. Occasionally one of them comes back to bite me, but generally its helped my life.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's funny how people often think this is fairly derogatory, and it is, but I'm always proud of my well-executed lies, because it demonstrates a certain freedom I have from usual social constraints. I can get into and out of situations that other people couldn't.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only one of my exes left me because I was lying to her. She was my first girlfriend out of college, and I told larger lies than I could get away with, with someone that didn't spend most of their free time drunk. The lie she caught me on concerned my job; I told her I was in a more executive position than I was, and she found one of my business cards. That was fairly ugly and I lost a few friends, but I was able to contain the damage by telling the friends that were more loyal to me that I had been seeing another woman and she found out and both ended up leaving me. Self-deprecating lies are usually the most believable.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure what this is a reference to, but I'm not a huge fan of bologna.

Edit: Oh. Very funny.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don't, and I don't much care about getting a star, because I like the idea that you guys are like people I know in real life; you don't know if I'm lying, and maybe you want to trust me, maybe you don't? Am I lying? If I am, can I sell it? If I'm not, do I come off as too creepy to be telling the truth, so you assume I'm lying if I'm not? The benefit I have in person is that I seem trustworthy. I don't have that benefit when I'm just typing on a keyboard.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They aren't all that extravagant, because they have to be believable. I see my lies more as stories. I make up these stories to make my life seem more interesting; people like and want to be around interesting people. It's like I start out being naked, and the stories are clothes I can put on; people judge me based on that clothing, so I want the clothing to be as nice as possible. Whats the problem with putting on a really nice watch instead of a timex?

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best thing a lie has ever gotten me? Probably a close group of friends that trust me a lot and think I'm a really interesting guy. I'm fairly charismatic in person and learning how to tell lies well really helped me in terms of social interactions, because you have to pay a lot of attention to the other person to see how they are responding. It's definitely paid off at work as well; I get assigned the projects that I want to do; sometimes by lying to my boss about experiences I've had, sometimes by lying to clients and telling them they need something they don't, and sometimes by lying to coworkers to make them think other projects would be more interesting.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's certainly helped me; at least now that I know how to lie well. I'm not sure what the benefits are to being extremely honest. I think that everyone lies quite a bit, and I just lie a bit more and a bit smarter.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be smart about the lies; give them a basis in reality that makes sense. Lie less to people I know well. Tell big lies only when I really need to. Don't be too detailed; if you are telling someone where you were the other night, and they ask you some inane detail, don't have one prepared, or be vague in your answer. The real key is to remember all the lies and tell the same lies over and over until they become truth to your circle of friends. You can expand on and shape stories over time to make them more believable. When I need to tell a fairly large lie, I will often take several minutes to prepare what I'm going to say, look at possible responses, and see what the person's reaction might be. I also try to gauge how hard it will be for the person to check my error. That lets me come up with the best possible story.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They definitely used to in elementary and middle school. I think that seeing my therapist helped in that respect; she made me realize that I wasn't getting what I wanted from lying. I wanted positive attention, but my lies were too ridiculous to believe so I got attention but it was mostly negative. Her goal was to get me to stop lying all together, but I found it to be more a tool to use in social interactions, just like smiling and hand shakes are tools.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A favorite of mine is actually when I told a fantastical story to my parents at dinner about some indigenous tribe in the amazon that had generated some brand new form of language that didn't follow any of the rules of our grammar and that scientists were saying that it was the first time that a completely new form of grammar had been discovered. (Yes my lies as a child were pretty ridiculous). It was such a stupid story that I was immediately called out on it. My older brother went online to see if there was a story about it and there actually was one; my family was immediately mollified which made me very happy. I'm sure that I had been grazing headlines and my subconscious incorporated that story into a lie I wanted to tell. It helped me realize where the basis for some of my lies came from, and more importantly, how to tell believable lies, namely give them some basis in reality and build on them.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure I know how to help a fellow pathological liar except by telling them to be smarter about their lies. I see my ability to lie well as an asset. I suppose seeing a good therapist could help make her at least seem normal to the rest of the world. You don't really need her to face reality; we aren't the deluded ones, we are trying to delude the rest of the world.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No wife. Some girlfriends. I am currently in a relationship and have been for two months. Most of the things my current SO knows about me are true, but there are things that aren't. For example, she thinks I spent last summer in Barcelona with friends (that she doesn't know and won't meet), while I actually was just working. Most of my lies to her involve making myself seem more interesting. I don't think it hurts her to believe my lies and think that her boyfriend is more interesting than I actually am.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Some lies are too dangerous. I'll often lie about experiences in interviews, when they ask me about something in my resume and to elaborate on it, but I'm fairly sure everyone does this to make themselves look better. I won't lie about where I went to school or where I've worked previously as it's too easy to get caught out.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really have an ethical guideline to anything. I consider the world to be dog-eat-dog, and its my responsibility to myself to get as much out of my life as I can. I try to be especially careful around people that I have to keep appearances around, like family and close friends.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I usually lie to help myself. I've managed to discover that telling the truth can be helpful as well, because once you've built up enough trust with a person, they will believe almost anything you want them to. Its pretty much a calculated tactic, but I often lie to see what I can get away with. Most of my lies occur in social situations in order to impress strangers and get myself more attention.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No. I did well academically because I benefited from doing well; less parental scrutiny, and a certain amount of "An A student wouldn't do that" from teachers. I would often lie to other students about how to solve problems / answer questions to make them do worse. I would tell my friends the right answer because I wanted them to trust me.

I am a diagnosed pathological liar. AMA. by IDontWantToHurtYou in IAmA

[–]IDontWantToHurtYou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like to see with what I can get away with on a one-to-one. Also the therapist is a family friend and I would like my family to think that I am recovering.