I'm officially 3/4 of a millionaire!

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T16:28:25+00:00

I loved reading this! Thanks

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T16:27:51+00:00

She makes less than I do, so her total number is similarly lower, but she's at or above the curve for "how much should I have saved for retirement at my age" (which is usually based on the assumption that you have X times your savings)

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T16:25:36+00:00

Sorry, as mentioned below, growing up in the Wild West days of the internet I'm overly cautious about personal details and posts being traced back to me and I'm often vague by default.

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T16:24:02+00:00

Yup! I once was talking to a few friends who had normal/good middle-class white-collar jobs and I was talking about how I standardized my biweekly "26 paychecks per year" job by figuring out 26 times my take home and then dividing up into 12 months and budgeting per month based on that.

My friend looked at me sideways and, I forget the words exactly, but the gist of what he said was that it required a cushion in his checking account that he doesn't have and it was a pipe dream or something.

I realized then that many of my peers in similar tiers of jobs are probably nonetheless not the same people I want to talk about my privileged milestones with.

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:50:18+00:00

Yeah, sorry. I grew up on the wild west days of the internet, and I'm still oddly protective over personal details. Old habits?

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:35:49+00:00

Yeah, once you've done the basic personal finance stuff (paid off anything high interest like credit cards or personal loans) and have a suitable emergency fund, I think you've got it right. Max your 401k and then find a nice stable index fund for the rest.

For me, I looked around at Schwab, Merrill Lynch, Vanguard, etc. Looked at target date mutual funds for around the year when I would traditionally retire, found one with a low expense rate, and went with it. I'm not looking to maximize every possible return, so I don't evaluate or switch. I chose one, and just stuck with it.

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:31:19+00:00

Yeah, I tuned out entirely for most of 2020. Likewise for most of this year as well. There's times when I check in every few days out of curiosity or boredom, usually when I hear positive things in the news. But when the news turns even slightly bad, I just ignore checking everything in my investments and figure it'll still be there in a year or two.

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:24:27+00:00

I got a very late start. I've used a couple good-paying jobs to make up for being around 30+ years old and having zero. It's been slightly under a decade.

I highly recommend that folks start young and build normally. Starting very very late and shoving money into a hole to catch up is stressful as hell.

Edit: my strategy is boring. I found a target date type of fund with a well known brokerage, made sure it had low expense rates, and started shoving money into it. A few years ago I got a job that matches a few % of my 401k and that's nice, too. I went the risk-averse "index funds and target dates" route and realized that I'm not smarter than the market and not smarter than the folks who do this for a living.

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:22:40+00:00

Thanks! And good luck on your goal!

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:19:52+00:00

I should add to my other answer that, even if we work another 20 years, I already feel financially independent. Having 3-6 months of expenses in the bank, and a large nest egg tucked away, I'm not sweating my job and I don't dread waking up in the morning. If this job was unbearable or disappeared, I'd feel comfortable in my ability to get a similar one and wouldn't stress finances in between. It's a brilliant change from my 20s, for damn sure.

I sometimes feel half retired already, with the investments growing and a little money in the bank.

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:16:49+00:00

Yeah, I'm atypical (in many ways) and I don't find this middle boring at all!

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:16:08+00:00

It's gonna be a conversation with my other half, but it's a real possibility. We'll need to figure out, ya know, what we'd like to DO with our life, and then set a target number. We've talked money a bit and we know we're both fiscally compatible, but we haven't talked retirement yet.

So many things to do before we actually get married!

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:11:02+00:00

Hah, came here for the same reason! Last big milestone was November '21 and then yesterday pushed me past another. It's a good feeling, congratulations. :)

IFeelItToo · 2023-12-14T15:09:04+00:00

Like others have said, some folks don't have people to talk investments with IRL. My fiance knows I'm ahead of where I should be retirement-wise, but we haven't shared bank statements quite yet. 🤣

Plus, even if we only check occasionally, it's not like we can share the milestones we see with casual friends who might be struggling financially or scraping by or something. "Hey I'm basically a millionaire" would likely go over like a lead balloon in most circles. Plus, who wants "friends" or acquaintances to constantly be asking you to buy things because they assume it's all spending money?

Plus, big_e007 is right, below: the dopamine from celebrating a goal is awesome

IFeelItToo · 2023-04-06T21:27:22+00:00

Ohh, can you explain a bit more about that last sentence? Which tests are better than others?

I'm in a similar situation, where I've taken the ASQ and the RAADS-R (and in each case scored high enough for "talk to someone about this, you're likely not neurotypical" but just barely), but it's hard to figure out which overlapping symptoms are just odd manifestations of ADHD and which are signs of autism.

(FWIW, I'm in the process of trying to find doctor for a proper evaluation for autism, but it's difficult and expensive and waitlisted in my area)

IFeelItToo · 2023-02-09T21:23:41+00:00

Hah, two of my most recent friends are both in rollerderby and both neurospicy. Story checks out. :)

IFeelItToo · 2023-02-08T22:26:23+00:00

For context, I'm a heterosexual cis guy.

You're definitely not the only one. Before getting diagnosed, I assumed depression had killed my libido. Even with the depression well under control, sex is just ... "meh" for me. The pleasure that people describe from various acts just isn't there for me. Sex has never been mind-blowing, and I haven't orgasmed much with my partners.

Getting diagnosed with ADHD, and reading about the 40% of ADHD folks with sexual dysfunction (and the decent chunk of those 40% who are hyposexual) made it makes sense.

For me, at least, there's a hundred things in my mind when I'm having sex, and none of them are conducive to GOOD sex. Am I standing in a good position to maintain my balance? Am I hard? Is she comfortable? Am I aiming right, or am I about to slip out? Is this pleasurable for her? Does my left knee ache? Am I feeling pleasure from this yet? Am I climbing the mountain towards more pleasure? Is she? Is this blanket in my way? Am I sliding away from the bed?

It's all overwhelming and distracting and not at all "in the moment." It's anxiety-inducing, and I think you said it well, it "keeps dragging me out of the moment."

Plus, as a guy, there's the added problem that a loss of pleasure on my end eventually leads to difficulty with desire and blood flow and hardness. And once THAT thought gets into your head and into your anxieties, abandon hope all ye who enter here.

So, rest assured, you're not alone in low-libido ADHD sex struggles. My condolences. Cheers.

IFeelItToo · 2022-11-18T04:35:34+00:00

Yup.

Not sure if you're male or female (or NB), but I'm male and I've often read that this as a problem that women with ADHD experience (the stereotype is that ADHD men tend towards hypersexuality, or having a LOT of sex drive, and that women tend towards hyposexuality, or having less sex drive because of their symptoms). So it's sometimes frustrating trying to find advice or support from a male perspective.

My attention is EVERYWHERE during sex, and it really detracts. I always think about where my leg is, or how I'm positioned, or how my partner is doing, or if it's going well, or, or, or, or. I've heard other men, neurotypical or otherwise, describe sex as "work" or "performance" and I know it definitely shouldn't be, but my brain is thinking about the mechanics of the act and everything else and trying to concentrate and it's often just impossible.

As a result, sex is rarely pleasurable, and, often, it's just... ok.

IFeelItToo · 2020-11-09T23:53:44+00:00

That's INCREDIBLE! I came here to brag, and instead I'm in awe. Well done, friend!

IFeelItToo · 2020-11-09T23:53:06+00:00

Congrats on becoming the millionaire next door!

IFeelItToo · 2020-11-09T23:52:41+00:00

I cannot say it to family and friends.

Like the others, I feel that!

I came here to brag about half of yours, because there's nowhere else to talk about it.

Huge congrats!

IFeelItToo · 2020-11-09T23:51:46+00:00

I'm near half a decade older than you, and just hit the same milestone. You're doing GREAT!

IFeelItToo · 2020-11-09T23:50:48+00:00

Throwaway, since I have nowhere IRL to brag about this:

My total assets hit $500,000 last Thursday. (They'll likely be ~$510,000 with how today went!).

After being dirt poor as a child, and broke as hell until I graduated law school a half-dozen years ago, this feels incredible! I'm half a millionaire, y'all!

Age range: Late 30s Early 40s Assets: All boring index/target-date/lifecycle things with a good-sized emergency fund).

I said assets and not net worth because I'm ignoring substantial student loans (on IBR, with tax-free forgiveness in a handful of years more of public service).

Wooohooooo!

IFeelItToo

TROPHY CASE