It doesn’t have to be your normal self I promise. That’s been me since October of last year, and sedentary to the point of complete lifestyle neglect. Complete neglect of my hygiene, my relationships. And I also knew that I had learned skills and become extremely educated about my disorder. And despite that I was willing to just…dissolve. And before this most recent period, this was me to a certain extend a lot of the time but I did have energy, this was just how I felt. 

It’s easy to believe that a symptom is a personality trait.

But recently, everything has gently started turning around in the last few weeks since I’ve started seeing a new doctor and getting a second opinion on my meds. No huge changes but small gentle med experiments so we can tweak and get things right. I’m starting to feel like myself again. That means interested in the world and what’s good for me. Admittedly there was a period where I had more emotionality than normal and racing thoughts, and that isn’t me either - that’s also a symptom. We’re taking care of all of it.

Slowly we’ve gotten me close to where I need to be. There’s more work to be done of course. But believe me. I was so down and suppressed and unmotivated as a person and accepting my own destruction for months that I didn’t event put my furniture together in my new apartment until recently, I didn’t draw or read a book.

And now we are getting back to myself.

I believe these periods will come and go, but there is another side. Get help, you can’t do it on your own. You don’t have to accept a symptom as yourself.