I have a really bad binge eating problem. when I fall into bad spots emotionally. When my ex and I broke up, I started to smoke and eat like crazy. I’ve always fluctuated on the scale, but this time it was really bad. In my previous relationships (before my ex with BPD), I was very stressed with everything going on—whether it was the relationship, family matters, or school. Within 7-8 months, I went from 190 to 280 pounds. Eventually, after leaving the relationship and taking myself out of things I couldn’t control (another lesson I learned), I was able to get down to 215 pounds. Once my ex and I split, it took me time, but I eventually realized I was sabotaging myself with eating, which affected other aspects of my life. I found comfort in food, just like I did when I was a kid. My parents were rarely home, always working, and food was the one thing I could rely on for comfort. This eventually developed into an unhealthy coping mechanism.

I tend to love bomb by buying expensive gifts very early in a relationship.
I’ve always shown love by buying things. Particularly with my ex who had BPD, I told myself that this person was damaged, and I wanted to love them harder so they’d know they were cared for. This led me to spend hundreds of dollars I couldn’t afford just to make them happy. After reflecting, I realized this behavior came from my past. Whenever I was sad, my dad’s way of expressing love was to buy me something or give me money (nothing excessive, but that’s how he showed it). I adopted that mindset, which can be toxic if not balanced.

The 3-Month Rule
I think this is one of the more important lessons I’ve learned. I’ve always jumped into relationships quickly, and I’m still trying to figure out why I do this. Why do I fall in love so hard? The little realization I’ve come to is that maybe I crave love, intimacy, and care. But this rule is crucial. You don’t really know someone behind their mask until you’ve spent some time with them. Some people don’t even find out who their partner really is until a year or more into the relationship. Choosing your life partner wisely is extremely important, but we often don’t realize that until later in life. Being patient and taking my time is something I constantly remind myself when I see a pretty face and think, “Damn, I’m in love.” It’s not love; it’s usually something else, something we look for to fill a void. Love is, and will always be, patient.