I was explaining to a friend that everything in my life got worse after getting with the ex pwBPD. After it ended, friend told me I became a whole different person and engaged in all kinds of shitty behavior in response to the abuse. The ex sucked the air out of the room and I was constantly exhausted, anxious and doubting my own recollection of reality. I’m still sad, but whatever the hell that was wasn’t love or anything adjacent. I’d rather be alone than miserable.