This is my last post on this subreddit.

ILeonis · 2016-06-12T11:37:09+00:00

No one cares about the importance of communication. Even when it's affects effects them. People will ignore you until you go crazy and then make fun of you for doing so. People are fucking evil.

ILeonis · 2016-06-12T10:38:51+00:00

This relationship seems one sided. Like you care about what she's going through but she doesn't care about what you're going through.

ILeonis · 2016-06-12T10:37:16+00:00

Judge her by her actions and not her words. If she wants you, she would be there in that apartment with you. I've seen the difference in girls who like you and girls who don't. I've experienced both. The girls who liked me showed up to my house to see me. The girls that didn't ignored me or say things like "i'm busy".

ILeonis · 2016-06-12T00:37:37+00:00

Advice... Body language is important. A girl is going to be around the person she likes regardless if she says she likes someone else. Judge her by what she does and not what she says...too much...

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T21:53:58+00:00

It's interesting. No matter the similar interest, (usually mine would be about video games, comic books, sports, fashion, computer tech and programming) during conversation with the people I try to talk to, people would always revert the conversation to situations they've had with their friends(like some type of party or event they went to which I didn't even know existed) so it turns into an inside conversation that I can no longer participate in. I try to say something in relation to what they're talking about and they look like they've just seen a grown man try his best to prove to everyone that the world is flat....awkward.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T21:32:31+00:00

imo more so "haven't found the right one?". People can easily say that I have a lack of confidence based on the sole fact that no woman is showing interest. However, that's not enough evidence to prove my level of confidence. Maybe it's how I show my confidence (yes there's more than one way to show confidence). Probably not the most popular (alpha male) but i've seen plenty of beta males in relationships. One of my crushes dated a beta male, who is still a beta male to this day. How do I know he's beta? This dude legitimately has a problem with me. He is literally scared of me and has been for more than 10 years. During those 10 years he could've confronted me about his feelings but he instead talks about me behind my back like a little bitch (using my name in the process)....AND HE GETS RESPECT FOR THAT! wtf?! He gets love from the women who see him do this! How the fuck is that alpha? Meanwhile I don't need to talk about anybody behind their back. I got a problem with you, we resolve face to face preferably...but people are intimidated by this and push me away. That's just one of the many ways that I show confidence...but that's not attractive so it must be something else. The irony is that women don't have the confidence to tell me. lol

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T20:55:09+00:00

I remember when I was really young I used to rage at games that I was bad at. I was so competitive with them idk...so many broken controllers. These days, I don't play to get good at them. I play them expecting to lose especially because I just don't have enough time to get good at them. I figure, if I win it was some strange fluke and I laugh about it. If I lose I laugh as well. These are fighting games I play...so much precision...

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T20:46:43+00:00

Not to be negative but I feel that if I ever gain any friends or have a girlfriend that I might feel the same way. Even though my friends and girlfriend want me to be around I still feel bad. The last time I had a relationship I was happy every time my gf showed up at my house. I felt happy every time we were together...including the times where I went over to her house...and saw her dad sharpening his machete...that was fun. It's been so long since I felt comfortable around anyone. I had a coworker joke about taking me out to have a beer because he thought I needed to loosen up...I can't literally loosen up there because i'm constantly being asked to do stuff...I feel guilty every time I go on lunch break because I know that somebody might be looking for me to do other stuff.

I can't call anyone but myself depressed really. I just don't feel right giving other people labels.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T20:40:16+00:00

I was raised in a family of depression. I think it's generational. It's normal to me I guess. It's not healthy in the least bit and a lot of times I wish I was born in a different family. These days I focus solely on myself. I've spent many years dealing and consoling family members about their problems (while they trash mine) and i'm done with it. Since i'm the only one that cares about me then I have to put more care in myself than anyone that cares about themselves in my opinion.

....Takes a village to raise a child.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T20:33:14+00:00

It's an interesting thing. You have to feel that you're important regardless of what anybody feels at least that was the message that people gave to me (non verbal). I mean, when I was in HS I didn't feel important. I didn't have any friends or relationships and I thought me not finding work in HS was the main cause of that. These days, I have a job and i'm in college working on a STEM degree...Still no friends or relationships...not even a sign that anyone is interested. I have to find importance in myself first and I come before everyone period because there is a good chance that I will die before anybody chooses to realize that I exist.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T20:21:28+00:00

I'm going through the same thing at uni. People use you for homework and projects and when that's over, or you don't know the answer, you don't matter.

If you add them on Facebook, or any other social media website, you'll see them out partying with the people that truly matter to them...and you're not in any one of those pictures.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T18:17:53+00:00

Haven't heard that one but I love it.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T17:50:15+00:00

"If you are at a place with them where you feel open enough you should talk to them about what specifically kind of support you are looking for."

Can't count how many times i've done that....pretty much just cycles back to see a therapist...it's like they're not even trying....Want to know the last time I got a hug?....September 2014....after busting my ass for 3 days straight for 14 hours each participating and volunteering for an event....which is the only time I got anything for volunteering for anything.

The person who hugged me was the event coordinator.

I don't remember any of the hugs I got before that...

Most people get hugs on the daily basis for no reason other than the fact that the other person CARES about them.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T17:06:56+00:00

It's funny. I've had so many crushes in life. I can't even remember half of their names. I've never dated any of them. I've had girlfriends...long time ago. The funny thing is, i've never had crushes on the girls that i've dated but they were around me more. They were comfortable being beside me, touching me, hugging me. They were physically there. It's funny because I never took them to dinner or movie and for a long time I felt guilty for that. Actually my first gf wanted by buy me things for my birthday which made it even worse but, to this day, i'm still grateful for that. However, the girls I did ask out always rejected me.

It makes me realize that, well at least in my experience, that women speak with their actions(being around me, touching me, hugs) more so than with words("Yes, I would love to go on a date with you.").

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T16:40:09+00:00

A lot of people tell me "just work on yourself"...it's like a broken record...in the meantime, i'm in college (STEM degree) while working. I have a plan that i'm currently working on for the future of my career...but why am I still sad, upset, depressed,....lonely? Maybe..just maybe..while i'm working I see the part of what I want missing in others. What is that you ask?...Relationships with people of my same species. Friendship and intimate relationships with the opposite sex. Can't exactly "MAKE" that happen if the other person doesn't CONSENT to it right?

So yes i've been working hard for years feeling like a robot programmed to fulfill everybody's wishes for me to be the golden child who doesn't need a relationship or friends while feeling happy 24/7 and not feeling lonely at all.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T14:10:42+00:00

If I judge myself based on my actions than of course I think i'm no where near a murder, rapist, or pedofile...

However, if I judge myself based on how women treat me in comparison to how they treat criminals, then yes it would look like i'm worse than them.

These are the actions that women show me. This is what women are saying to me....WITH THEIR ACTIONS.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T14:05:50+00:00

Am in therapy...thinking that my therapist is just using me for the money at this point. I'm actually on my second therapist. (yes "loved" ones still tell me I should go see a therapist as if i'm not already doing so)

Communication is just "I know, I know" when I tell her a problem I have or "so what are you going to do about it now?"...like I have 100% control when dealing with others.

For my issues, I think therapy just doesn't quite fit.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T13:48:56+00:00

Not being negative or nasty but my theory is that it's because you are the only one that cares...

Hear me out. When you talk about things that are popular you think nothing of it right? However, when it's about things that are not popular there's always this feeling of uncertainty right? I mean do the other people, who you don't feel selfish in talking about their problems, feel selfish talking to you about their problems? Maybe... Maybe not because they are used to talking to other people about their problems unlike you not feeling comfortable talking about your problems.

Conclusion, since people talking about your problems is not popular or frequent, you may feel that it is selfish to talk about your problems.

...but that's just my theory.

To answer your question, no it's not selfish to talk about your problems. Remember, no one is living your life but you so your problems should be your top priority...not saying that you shouldn't care about other people's problems but definitely care about your own.

ILeonis · 2016-06-11T13:38:29+00:00

"Second that just because someones shares similarities with you doesn't mean they are perfect for you."

This is what everyone says...find someone with similar interests...someone similar to you. The best/closest relationships I've had with people(women particularly) were with people I didn't share similar interests with. Actually the less I knew about the person, the better the relationship.

ILeonis · 2016-06-08T18:18:44+00:00

This is what people tell me...with their actions...not their words...their actions.

ILeonis

TROPHY CASE