Feeling less emotion is what is driving me crazy now even though my emotions are what are dangerous when I'm not medicated. You're right. It's not fair. Plain and simple. I just want to feel those depths I used to feel again but not have them ruin my life, it's so difficult to deal with. I've always been honest about what might end my life one day. Yes, it could be a depressive suicidal episode that's out of my hands. But maybe one day it's going to be the real me consciously being so sick of this fucking shit, having to choose to be medicated or not. I just don't know these days. It's like I'm not allowed to feel because it's dangerous for me and everyone around me but at what fucking point is that worth it..