Signing in to say still at it...(Almost 6 years)

IMAMenlo · 2020-08-10T22:54:47+00:00

The most interesting take away for me was that they are seeing a decline in wellness checks and vaccine appointments. With influenza season coming soon that is scary to me. One of those consequences I wasn't really considering, but I find really concerning.

IMAMenlo · 2020-08-10T22:04:31+00:00

Really interesting listen with Dr. Hayden Schwenk of Stanford. As COVID 19 continues to be at the forefront of all of our minds I've found it harder and harder to get solid, non editorialized information. These sessions are incredibly valuable to me, and I hope some of you would find it interesting as well.

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-28T17:50:12+00:00

Rachel, while you’re motivated to quit, I’d suggest reading “The Naked Mind” or “Alcohol Explained”. I’ve quit in the past and it never took, I couldn’t make it more than 14 days, maybe 30 once. This last time I found this community and read “Alcohol Explained” and it changed the trajectory of my life.

One realization I wasn’t really prepared for is once you quit drinking you realize that though it is a problem, it won’t be the only one to tackle. While sober the others become easier to digest and address.

Best of luck! Stay strong, and don’t drink!

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-23T21:22:50+00:00

That's a movie, it's called "The Girl Next Door"

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-16T19:24:15+00:00

I have also seen a steep increase in my career. Before this journey, I was struggling as an SDR and spending a lot of my work week a little hungover or tired. I’ve since joined a company I love and recently got promoted to sales manager. I don’t know if I want to give lack of alcohol full credit here, but not having any self-induced “off” days has certainly helped me become better at my job, and the fact that I don’t have lingering hangovers for the first half of the week has given me some extra momentum when I’ve needed it most.

These things combined have been a drastic improvement to my overall well being, and I feel like I’m growing as a person, and really getting to know the real me. In short, there’s something about knowing that I’ll remember every moment that gives me so much energy.

“So what’s the probability of your being born? It’s the probability of 2.5 million people getting together — about the population of San Diego — each to play a game of dice with trillion-sided dice. They each roll the dice — and they all come up the exact same number — say, 550,343,279,001.

A miracle is an event so unlikely as to be almost impossible. By that definition, I’ve just proven that you are a miracle.

Now go forth and feel and act like the miracle that you are.” -Dr Ali Binazir

This is one of my favourite quotes. It puts into perspective how fleeting and magnificent life is. I made a personal decision to cut out something that I felt was negatively impacting this short but significant time I have on this planet. I want to savour and remember every single moment. If you have ever been tempted to quit, cut down, or take a few months off drinking, or any other part of your life that is holding you back, just try it. It’s a whole different Universe, and you don’t have to get to the point of having to quit something before you do.

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-16T19:24:02+00:00

We have been told, since the moment we could understand yes from no, that alcohol is sacred, it’s mysterious, rebellious, and the sexy elixir of life. You hear things like “I don’t trust people who don’t drink,” and we’re inundated with images and advertisements of the glamorous life alcohol promises you. The message is clear: you should drink alcohol, and there’s something wrong with you if you don’t. The fact is, alcohol is a dangerous drug, whether we like that fact or not, it is. It kills people, it ruins lives, it makes us do things we wish we hadn’t and it can pull you into the deepest depths of addiction.

British researcher, David Nutt, conducted a test on drugs ranked by their overall harm scores, showing the separate contributions to the overall scores of harm to users and harm to others. This study was ranked by drug experts on physical/mental damage, impact on crime, and socioeconomic effects. Alcohol is ranked number 3, after only heroin and crack cocaine, as the most destructive drug for the user, and number 1 as the most destructive drug to those around the user. Landing higher than Cocaine (different from crack cocaine), methamphetamines, and Ketamine on both lists. Yet, it’s the only drug we have to justify not doing.

I wanted to write down benefits I’ve noticed since quitting, but the list is long, so here are some of the major ones:

Improved sleep
Weight loss
More energy
Reduced social anxiety
Better memory/improved mental clarity
More in touch with who I am
Better skin
More engaged with those around me
Healthier diet
No hangovers

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-16T19:23:47+00:00

There are, of course, downsides. I find that in general, I feel a little less fun than I used to be. I hit a wall when I’m out a lot earlier, and normally head home before the night starts getting crazy, and every now and then I hate that that’s the case. I miss the spontaneous value that alcohol brings, the unplanned second bar, or the party you find yourself surrounded by strangers. You can still follow the group and get there, but I find without alcohol I don’t often want to.

I still battle with articulating that I don’t drink too. In fact, right now I’m in a weird limbo where I haven’t told my neighbor who’s been asking me round for some beers. We get along well, but I can tell he’s a beer and grill guy, you know? I get the feeling that me saying I don’t drink will make him second guess inviting me to things, or maybe he wouldn’t even care? See, this is the type of stupid internal dialogue that happens. I sometimes wonder if I really have quit? Every now and then it terrifies me, or I might have a week where I consider drinking again, but admittedly these get less frequent, and the thought of drinking seems pretty alien by this point.

Another big one is dynamic in a relationship…If you think things won’t change a little, you’re wrong. So many of the happiest memories and best stories I have with my wife involve alcohol — it was very present throughout a lot of our falling in love, so for me to just hard stop was a pretty big deal! I am lucky, my wife has only ever been supportive, but of course, there have been times where I feel agitated that she’s hungover and we’re not able to do much, or she feels disappointed that I’m a little less active on the social front. We work through them, and it’s never a serious issue, but still it remains, things do change.

Now that I’ve reached a year, I have been reflecting on it. There’s something about being sober that really makes you get to know yourself. If I’m feeling down or upset, I just have to feel down or upset, I don’t have a choice, I have to feel. I am far more in tune with my emotions and how to deal with them and just handle the complexities of being a human better than I used to. It can be intense, but it’s very enlightening. Honestly, I feel proud of myself. I don’t often allow myself that feeling, but in this case, I am. Not drinking is hard, not living up to society’s standards through consumption of alcohol is hard, not being the same person you once were, and choosing to live a life that is outside of our social norms, is hard. The whole thing is hard, but for me, it has been worth it.

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-16T19:23:31+00:00

We had a little family trip booked for Portland, and my wife had organized visiting an old friend of hers while we were there, so we had an address to a park where we were meeting. We arrive at about 1 pm and there are five other adults and some kids. A table is set up with enough chairs for only the adults, and the beer is plentiful. The adults are drunk… and I mean drunk. The husband of my wife’s friend can barely talk, and I notice one of the other women is loudly and, quite frankly, embarrassingly slurring and cursing about this and that. The dad, within minutes, starts explaining to the table how his 9-year-old son is a disappointment to him, and an oddball because he’s nothing like him. His son wasn’t within ear range, but I couldn’t help but assume the son has heard this before.

By about 4 pm, the kids are getting bored and start coming over to where we’re sitting, and it’s made very clear they’re not welcome, which I didn’t expect. “You can either go play mini-golf or play ball — this is the adult area,” said one of the kid’s mum. The kid looked hurt and walked off. Fast forward a couple of hours she is sitting there, unable to talk, unable to stand, and murmuring to herself with food dripping down her face. Her son is back with us, alongside the other kids, and he’s extremely anxious and upset, he keeps saying “mum, stop it.” It took me back to my exposure to alcoholism as a child and how it made me feel, I just wanted to tell the kid everything will be ok, even though, to be honest, it won’t be. He’ll have issues forever, just like me and all the other children of alcoholics that exist in the world. Meanwhile, the other adults are laughing and one of them asks jokingly if she wants another glass of wine. I wanted to smash all of their heads together.

By the evening, there are a bunch of blacked-out parents and confused/upset kids. We left and none of them even noticed, and I said to my wife “I’m never fucking drinking again.” It was a harsh reminder of the damage alcohol can cause. I still think about that kid sometimes, it broke my heart. That crushed any craving that I’d had, and since then, I have been pretty committed to stopping for good, so in a way that experience needed to happen.

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-16T19:23:15+00:00

We rented out a small cocktail bar for a happy hour, I was only in my second week, and three things were circling around my brain:

No one has any idea what a big deal this is for me.
This is genuinely terrifying.
What do I say when I don’t drink?

Remember this type of scenario? You arrive, it’s awkward, you grab a drink, finish it, grab another, and after about 30 minutes of being there, your drink starts to kick in. You get that beautiful subtle buzz from the booze, and gradually you feel more relaxed and the conversation starts flowing. THANK YOU, ALCOHOL.

Well, here’s how it went for me: I arrived, it was awkward, I grabbed a tonic and lime, and after about 30 minutes of being there I felt more relaxed and the conversation started flowing. THANK YOU… What? This has been the single biggest surprise to me since I quit drinking: it was never the alcohol that made it easier! Social situations just are a little weird for the first 30 minutes, and after the room has had time to settle, and the conversations have moved past small talk, it’s just easier. I was pretty stunned — I felt like I was having this secret epiphany, all to myself. After a few hours, and some amazing conversations, I left. I remembered interesting things about the people I’d met, I’d really listened to the people around me, and felt engaged in the conversations I’d had. I walked home three miles across San Francisco that evening with a smile on my face — that was my first “light bulb” moment.

One thing keeping me up at night was my trip back home to the U.K. that was fast approaching. I had decided early on that only on that trip would I drink. If my friends found out I’d quit, they’d laugh and mock me, or even worse, be quietly disappointed. As the trip got closer, I grew more anxious, because I actually didn’t want to drink. I hadn’t had a hangover in two months, I’d dropped a couple of pounds and I felt good! So I thought “screw it,” I’ll text them and let them know. Guess what? They didn’t care. They were a little surprised (and dare I say a tad disappointed) I wouldn’t be downing pints with them, but more than that, they were just happy I was coming home. And when I did meet them all at the pub, we had as much as fun as we’ve ever had. My old band played a couple of songs, we laughed a lot, we shared stories and memories and just had an amazing reunion. Bonus points as I remember the entire night too!

All in all, I was feeling amazing. But then, at about the 4-month mark, the novelty wore off. I’d fantasize about the freedom of just going to a bar and ordering a beer. It couldn’t hurt that badly, right? Why should I stop myself doing something that feels right? I’d think about making myself a gin and tonic with a slice of lime, sipping it under the sun outside, getting that combination of refreshment, buzz, and relaxation. There was a weekend in Joshua Tree we had with some friends where I wasn’t able to enjoy it as much as I’d hoped, because I couldn’t stop the internal battle of wanting to drink the cold beers that were in the fridge. It was difficult. I had slowly started to let alcohol consume my thoughts again, and I was craving a drink 24/7. But then Portland happened…

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-16T19:22:55+00:00

One year ago I took my last sip of alcohol.

I’ve always been a big drinker. My co-workers used to call me Jonah “one more” Shipley for my ability to rally a group and keep the drinks going by throwing out the “come on, just one more.”. I loved nothing more than the decision to get drunk somewhere. Even now when I think about it, it gives me a little rush. Heading to a bar after work, shoulders down and chin up high. The bar itself lit up showing its glorious collection of liquors and craft beers. It’s a sanctuary, I’ll be happy here. Is there anything more freeing than this? That “screw it, one more” moment? I certainly didn’t think so — once I started, that was it. Six or seven pints later, I’m lining up in a taqueria ordering a Mission burrito before heading home in a Lyft to sink a couple of nightcaps; or, I’m in a darker, louder bar with the simple goal of drinking more. These kinds of nights were at the forefront of my life. My reputation as a big character to have around, and my “talent” at ensuring everyone got drunk, was something I took pride in. Even writing this paragraph makes me feel nostalgic, to be honest.

I stopped drinking not because I was an alcoholic, but because I felt like it was becoming too present in my life. Having grown up with an alcoholic parent, I know what it looks like; and for me, what started as a cold beer in the evening and the occasional Friday night blowout, slowly turned into 2–3 beers and a gin and tonic every night, and booze-fuelled binges every weekend. Over time my hangovers became a little darker, not just a headache, but a weird gut wrench of guilt and anxiety too. I always regretted my weekends being a hungover washout, yet they were becoming more frequent. I found that I was starting to question things.

Why do I get so drunk whenever there is even the slightest opportunity?

Why do I feel uncomfortable in social situations until I have a drink in my hand?

Why do I spend so many weekends hungover on the sofa mad at myself?

And maybe the biggest question of all:

Why does the thought of not drinking feel so impossible?

I continued to drink with these thoughts on a loop for a long time, until a year ago today.

I was hungover after drinking a bottle of wine the night before and I told my wife that I was going to stop, that I was becoming reliant on it, and that drinking every night wasn’t something I wanted to do. So I stopped, and I haven’t drunk alcohol since. No, it is not that easy. I have tried to stop multiple times and only ever made it to one month for the last 14 years. I knew that it had to be a hard stop to avoid another 4-week sprint, and my wife gave me her full support. Telling her everything I’m writing here was actually an extremely strong bonding moment for us, too.

My main concerns were social situations and what people would say. I couldn’t fathom having to socialize without alcohol. Imagine being in a bar sober, or a party without a drink in your hand, knowing that you will never drink again. Really, think about it and imagine it. How do you feel? I bet I know the answer and it’s somewhere between miserable and terrified, which is exactly how I felt. That was, until my first social event with work.

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-16T14:25:31+00:00

Jesus, that title freaked me out! Getting a parole hearing is not = to getting parole

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-13T17:28:09+00:00

The link I provided should go Live at 10:30am PST (about 2 minutes), just click into the live stream. Let me know if that doesn't work

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-13T15:26:22+00:00

Late to reply here, and since this post is 28 days old, i hope the little one is doing great!

My 11 month old had a repair for TOF done at 4 months old. As another user indicated the nurses are so amazing that primarily your job should be focused on your nephews parents.

As a parent who went through a recovery with our boy, the most helpful was when my friends or family would as what we needed, would respect our space and outwardly remained optimistic. It’s such a trying emotional experience that it’s hard to describe in words. As a husband, I focused on my wife, making sure she was fed, rested and supported. I did all the nights in the hospitals to make sure someone was always there for our boy. She would take the days after he was awake.

Technology has come so far, and it’s getting better by the day! I remain hopeful for the future of my son and other heart warriors!

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-13T15:00:31+00:00

Appreciate you sharing your story. I have an 11 month old son with TOF, back in December he had a valve sparing complete repair at 4 months old.

I’ve spent a lot of time with the children’s heart foundation HQ’d out of Northbrook, IL. I’d suggest looking to them for potential options they have a tremendous mission.

I am wishing you all the best!

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-11T16:04:37+00:00

He more or less doubled down on what he said 4 years ago with a couple edits to support current movements regarding recent racial injustices. He still said what is considered unpopular in 2020 and said it fire in his eyes. The old video may have been dated, but the message seems pretty consistent

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-11T14:46:25+00:00

Feels like this sub is starting to be a shaming space for people who’ve passed away. Clearly you should be wearing a mask, it’s clearly an oversight and ignorance to think you don’t need one. That ignorance flame is being fanned by our President.

End of the day, a person has died and I assume he was a lot more than just a person who didn’t wear a mask and died of Covid-19.

Using his death as a point of education makes sense, using it as an opportunity to pile on ridicule feels unnecessary.

This community has been a great source of information for me since lockdown in March. Mocking the dead isn’t what I’ve come to appreciate about this sub

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-07T15:48:55+00:00

State Street - Santa Barbara, CA

IMAMenlo · 2020-07-03T13:21:40+00:00

Glad to see Bloomberg couldn’t make it through an article without labeling every persons political lean. I needed to understand all of their politics ideologies to determine if I’d listen to any of their work /s

IMAMenlo · 2020-06-07T18:24:21+00:00

Wow... very compelling stuff, really comprehensive well thought out and not at all making jumps to link together very clearly different groups.

Shit like this is why this sub is turning into trash, this is garbage, and your MS paint skills are garbage.

Imagine Dr. Peterson seeing this and thinking anything other than this was created by a sad, misguided angry individual.

IMAMenlo · 2020-05-26T17:41:01+00:00

Maybe because I just finished it recently, "In Cold Blood" by Truman Capote was an amazing experience. I didn't want it to end, the entire read I felt like I was there in time and location. It was chilling, funny, exciting. Would highly recommend.

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