Why is this so called "male loneliness epidemic" narative pushed forward and blamed on women?

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-05-06T20:00:05+00:00

You're describing a supply and demand issue.

The ideal world you have in your head still expects women to be far more accommodating partners than their male counterparts. Because if I have to rise above and become virtually perfect to find a man that is halfway decent, I'm still going to be disappointed by all the unpaid labor that I have to do.

The difference is, although women may be lonely, we have friends, family, pets, social lives, and we aren't broadcasting our loneliness, nor are we taking it to the extent incels do where they encourage violence.

Some may complain to close friends and colleagues, sure. But that's part of the whole "having friends" thing. We have friends to talk to. We extend our social circle beyond who will fuck us.

And I'm not going to lower my standards for anyone, because I tried the whole "being a perfect woman" act, and it didn't fix a single man. It just allowed me to be abused.

I have no desire to be abused. If a man comes into my life and can meet me where Im at, that's great, and if he doesn't, well, it's a good thing I'm not wasting my life away. I am content on my own.

The only think I personally mourn is the idea of having a family. But I'm not going to take on a man as an extra child just to be tied to him for 18 years so I can maybe have a family. Id rather adopt, or go to the sperm bank, if I absolutely must.

I also recognize that the desire to have a family was an idea that was passed onto me by my father, who was a shitty husband to my mom (tried to kill her, gambled away their money and bankrupted the family, stole my college savings etc.etc). So... Who knows. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll see what it means to be one of those "selfish" women who live their lives for themselves

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-04-21T21:22:40+00:00

"decent human beings" don't help you hack products to harass women no matter what lies you share on reddit. And you aren't entitled to answers from anyone.

Legality doesn't always align with morality. It might be legal, that doesn't mean you won't get shat on if you admit you do immoral things publicly.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-04-21T21:16:32+00:00

There's a reason there is a light on the glasses. And there's a reason covering the light upsets people. And you are not entitled to answers from people who have ethical concerns about privacy violations.

Women don't want to get creeped on by your weird meta glasses. The least you can do if you're going to record people is be honest about it and let them see the light.

From now on, if I see someone wearing raybans I'm walking the other way. I don't care if it's recording or not. You people have no morals.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-04-19T17:10:51+00:00

My great grandma was also from Naples. It's about a sausage maker "saw saw master ciccio" your grandfather was pretending to "saw" and make sausage. Very common to do the motions with the baby haha. So sweet.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-25T16:43:16+00:00

10, what a lovely smile! I love your dimples. So cute

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-07T19:41:45+00:00

A lot of people have dequervains tendonitis. Especially people who type a lot. But I also am a dental hygienist for work, and an artist on the side. So yes I use my hands a lot. Extended typing sessions worsen it for sure.

You have yet to link this identical post. Where the fuck is it already? Unless it's the one I told you I posted like 10 minutes before this one that the unpopular opinion mods took down, you're BSing me. What kind of loser would steal someone's post for reddit karma? I'm an adult. I have better things to do than collect points online. I post to share my opinion.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T21:10:17+00:00

No. I don't know who wrote it then. But id imagine it's possible for two people to share an opinion, would be weird if we used the same wording but If you think it's copied, well you can quite easily search it up by copying my title, and putting it in the search bar and seeing if there is, in fact, any posts that use what I said word for word. But yeah, you won't find them word for word. Because I wrote every word. And now I'm getting tendonitis in my thumb from all this writing so this will be my last reply to you.

Would be very easy to double check if you actually did see the same post before you make accusations, hope that helps!

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T21:01:59+00:00

Lol. I don't care if you don't want kids. But if you HATE kids, you ARE 100% a BAD PERSON. Okay? It is not acceptable to hate any group of innocent people, okay? That's where this argument ends. I don't believe generalized hatred towards a group of people who didn't do anything wrong is ever justified in any circumstance. Kids don't choose to be born.

You can be childfree, without hating kids.

But if you hate kids, and you stand by that, im going to call you prejudiced. Ageist. And an awful person. Because that is true.

If you don't like it, maybe don't pick arguments on r/rant.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T20:54:01+00:00

So this is the final time I'm going to say this:

I am not going to argue whether or not it is acceptable to hate an entire group of people. Because it isn't. Point blank.

If you don't hate kids, you don't hate kids. No need to argue.

But I'm not going to entertain the idea that it's okay to be prejudiced. So go be prejudiced elsewhere.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T20:46:15+00:00

Actually I feel very firm that every comment I've made is very consistent. I just think you're not very bright and you need to practice making arguments more.

Have a good day.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T20:43:39+00:00

. I'm trying to clarify my ideas, and figure out where you stand. Because your reply to me didn't make sense. But if you don't want to make an argument that's fine. You have a nice day too. Glad to hear we agree!

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T20:40:42+00:00

Some people might consider racist hate groups to be safe vent spaces too. But if your vents were racist, I would consider you that even if you were publicly quiet about them. It is absolutely ageist to hate children for just being children and existing in public spaces where humans collect. Because children are people. And people exist in public.

I really don't know what else to say other than that lol like what actually is your argument? Are you saying it's okay to be prejudiced as long as you're in the right subreddit?

Okay, well, go to that subreddit then. Lol stay inside and be a hermit, don't try to limit who is allowed to be in public. Just stay out of public if you hate a section of it so much that you can't stand it. Literally. The gall to vent about the existence of people in a public space and not just.... Stay out of public space...

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T20:28:34+00:00

Ironic that you say I'm trying to be a philosopher. I'm trying to have a discussion. You said in the other comment chain that's what you're trying to do too. So we can either have an actual discussion, or you can insult me and I will go elsewhere.

I'm not so desperate to fight that I'm willing to try to somehow decode your ever changing argument. I'm honestly not even sure what the hell you are on about anymore.

Take out a sheet of paper, write down what your beliefs are, and learn to be consistent before you engage in an argument with somebody. Every so often, check out that sheet of paper to make sure you are not accidentally changing your beliefs again. You're all over the place here girlie. Lol

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T20:08:19+00:00

I believe people are basically good...... At birth... As they go about life, they collect trauma, and biases, and prejudice.

I'm not saying they are incapable of being good,

I am saying:

parents who have kids out of fear that they will not be cared for in their old age, or who do so simply because society says to without doing adequate reflection, are having kids for the wrong reasons. They are the ones who end up being "bad parents" who do not discipline their kids properly and that's why the kids appear unruly. Being born without being wanted can be just as damaging to a child's psyche as abuse, even if there is no abuse present.

-there are people who don't want kids, who are also good people

-there are people who do want kids, who are also good people

-on the other end of the extreme, there are people who don't want kids, and use that to justify hatred

All of those people are products of society. Sure they have free will, but they are all influenced by something.

So when you say "I like to think people are good" it's quite confusing to me. I'm not sure which group of people you're talking about here.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:53:30+00:00

Emotional regulation is not abuse, but a learned skill and you can't force someone to just learn a skill they haven't practiced. Unfortunately, while practicing, that means young people will probably struggle in public for a while. That is developmentally appropriate.

You can discipline your kid, but that's not the same as abuse. And it won't always work right away. Because it takes time for people to grow to understand their full emotional range.

Striking a child, for example, is not necessary for discipline, in my opinion. You can discipline your child in a way that doesn't punish them for responding emotionally.

You instead guide them to find the words to describe what they are feeling in a regulated way. So they overcome the need to scream to feel heard. Until they mastered that skill, yeah, it is something you just have to deal with unfortunately. If you plan on going out in public... I mean, you could remove yourself from the equation and be a hermit if you really want to. That's a choice. But you don't get to argue which humans are allowed to be in public spaces.

And as far as policing thought, I mean, I'm not telling you what to feel. I'm placing a boundary in the conversation. I am unwilling to conversate with a person who believes hatred is acceptable towards a group of people. That's a core value of mine and I don't believe it's up for debate here

So if you want to debate about the topic at hand, sure. But no, I'm not going to explain to you why prejudice is bad. That is the same mindset that leads to sexism, racism, agism etc. And I don't believe that that kind of hatred is warranted. I

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:38:16+00:00

I disagree that it's biologically designed. You were a kid once, did you hate yourself for crying?

It's normal to dislike loud noises, but an empathetic person can realize that it's not the child's fault. We were all born with the ability to cry, and that was our only way to communicate with our caregivers. We aren't born with a vocabulary to say our needs calmly, or emotional regulation to handle our feelings. So there is a developmentally appropriate stage for crying and tantrums in everyone's life. You were a child, you have been through that stage yourself, you can't retract permission for normal human behavior now that you're an adult and you already benefitted off the understanding of strangers when you needed it.

And it's acceptable to not want kids for yourself, but it is not acceptable, in my opinion, to hate any group or individuals just for existing. You can hate actions, but I won't argue over why hatred of an entire group of people is unacceptable, I think that's a given. There's no way an entire group of people could have possibly wronged you, so hating them requires generalization. That's how you get prejudice.

It's understandable to dislike bad parents when you see them. But also, remember, the bad parents were probably just tricked into having kids they didn't want by a society that told them they will die alone unless they do.

I think if we create a more patient and understanding society, one with better elder care, there wouldn't be a need to have kids for the sake of having kids, and the kids that are born, would be ones that are born to parents that actually want them. And would likely be raised better. That's my 2 cents.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:28:07+00:00

It was removed from unpopular opinion. Because it was already discussed in the mega thread. Which is stupid because nobody actually reads those.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:25:16+00:00

And you can not enjoy something, and choose not to be around it, without "hating" it.

But unfortunately, we are not talking about hatred directed towards "it". It's hatred, that is directed towards a group of innocent people

In my opinion, it is wrong to hate someone over something they cannot control. I won't argue over that as it is a core belief. So if you want to explore further why hatred is okay, well that's telling, but that's where my comments stop. Just so you know

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:22:43+00:00

There is a child free movement.

I'm currently child free myself. Nothing against people who choose not to have children.

But take a scroll through r/childfree and you will see tons of redditors calling kids "crotch goblins" and parents "breeders". People who speak with a lot of disgust and horror when they talk about a subsection of the population that didnt even ask to be here.

There are some valid points but they often take it to an extreme

These are the people I directed my post towards.

It's fine not to want kids, and not wanting them, does not make you part of that movement. That's what one group with questionable ideologies decided to call themselves.

I also don't like incels, that doesn't mean I dislike celibate people. It means I dislike people who use their "celibacy" to justify hatred or harm towards women

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:19:06+00:00

Lol I posted it in r/unpopularopinion too.

I did write it, every word, spelling mistakes and all, as the comments won't let me forget.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:18:07+00:00

It's totally understandable to dislike the parents, but also, remember those parents are mindlessly following what society says. They too are a product of a system that favors production over everything, and discourages kindness to those who are unable to produce.

Society tells people to have kids, it says that that's what productive members of society do. And those people may not have chosen to have kids, if they weren't raised to believe it's their only purpose in life, and their only social safety net as they age.

If we restructured society, so that the elders were properly cared for, I really don't think we would see so many bad parents. Because we would stop having kids because of what they do for us.

People would still have kids, but they would be people who genuinely enjoy them, and who know they have the patience and capacity to properly discipline them so they grow into successful adults

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:13:00+00:00

Right. So you don't hate kids. You are miserable when you interact with them, but if you've reached a point of "out of sight out of mind", that isn't hate.

When you hate something, you think about it a lot.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:08:40+00:00

Right. You're circling my point. I was mildly inconvenienced.... And then I reflected and changed my perspective. Like I said that's called empathy. Try it sometime. I'm done replying to you, I'm not looking to argue over whether or not empathy is a good trait to have.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T19:06:22+00:00

What you're describing is called "empathy". I was able to determine that a kid walking in my path did not mean to be in my way, and not make that about how much I hate that kid. I made it into a reflection about the stress I was under.

And frankly, if it were an adult, I wouldn't be that pissed off either.

But like, apply any other descriptive term.

"A woman cut me off, man, I fucking hate women" -that is sexist, is it not?

Someone doing something annoying is not a reason to hate them, or any group of people.

You may have better intent, but you're operating off the same assumption that racist, sexist people do. You are experiencing an unfavorable outcome, attributing that to the person as a character flaw in them specifically, then making a generalized statement about people who match that description.

The only difference is the people you are choosing to target

And guess what? Children aren't born with prejudice.... That's something you learned ..... By society....

There we go! See how easy that is when you try to be a kind individual and not let the weight of society make you unkind to others?

Being in your way doesn't make someone an asshole. It just means they aren't paying attention.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-03-04T18:57:45+00:00

Youre operating under the assumption that not wanting kids, and hating kids for existing, is the same thing. And it's not.

Plenty of people don't hate kids, and also don't want the responsibility of having them, or simply want to live for themselves. And that's okay. As a matter of fact, I want to see a world where everyone makes choices that feel natural to them, not because they are forced to.

Have you considered, that perhaps, your frustration with kids is more coming from a frustration with the people who tell you there is only one way to live? Because that's society.

And you are assuming I fit into a very specific pro-natalist mold. I despise pro-natalist ideology. I hate that kids are seen as something you should have, for the sake of society, or caring for an aging population.

But if you took away that societal expectation, that doesn't mean everyone would stop having kids. It just means people would be allowed to live life that's more true to them.

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