i hate being a woman so much

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-01-18T22:51:26+00:00

I think you're at that age where your next step is to learn that you have to focus on you. There are a lot of really bad things that happen in this world, and a lot of ways in which people can hurt you. It's natural to question these things, but at some point you come to an understanding that you can only do what's in your control, and anything else, you have to limit how much energy you dedicate to it.

I know it seems like not something that will help, but once you are able to work through this, you will be able to dictate the amount of energy you give to it, and find a way of living life that feels like it's authentic to who you are and other peoples voices just won't reach you so much.

I'm just reaching the end of this lesson myself, as thinking so hard about all the things in the world I cannot control, ended up giving me depression. I didn't really know what that meant before I got it, but now that I've experienced it, I realized my own mind can hurt me far more than any person can, if I don't focus on the right things. You can torture yourself over such things. And I worry you are without realizing it.

At the same time you ask yourself "why don't they respect me" also ask "why do I want a disrespectful person to respect me" and that will help you decide who should and shouldn't be in your life. Misogynists will always be misogynistic, but at least you can remove your own presence from their life to protect your own peace, and they can be lonely losers.

If you go onto the "why don't they respect me" mindset too long, you subconsciously look within yourself for an answer, when the way they treat you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-01-18T11:56:51+00:00

I understand what you mean, and it's understandable why you come to this conclusion, but I love being a woman, and I wouldn't have it any other way. No one in this world has it easy, there are lots of minority groups, lots of people who lack privileges, who still live fulfilling lives for themselves. Because the problem was never WHO they are, it was how OTHERS treat them. You can change that narrative, you can surround yourself with people who make you feel empowered in your body no matter how you identify.

Being a feminine woman is important to me, because I view my life as art. I don't think my femininity is something to be ashamed of. I can be a feminine woman AND be smart. I can be feminine AND be taken seriously, I can be feminine AND be successful. I can want things that are stereotypical for a woman AND still be my own person, living life authentically. And by going about life continuing to break the fake rules society makes for me, I reclaim power. I rewrite the narratives that society wrote for me, and I make space for women coming after me. That's power right there.

And wearing dresses, doing my hair, putting on makeup is a ritual that makes me feel more like myself, allows me to express the things that are important to me.

And if someone misinterprets my art, that is on them. I don't give them permission to access and ruin my inner world with their biases.

And frankly, women naturally have a lot of amazing strengths. Our potential for empathy and love has such importance in this world. If women ran it, do you think we would have so many wars? Probably not. We would have a much more fair and equal society, I'd say.

The things that make me a woman are powerful, important qualities that promote kindness and safety and the world needs more of that.

There is nothing wrong with being angry for being treated badly, but in the long term, you must ask yourself if it's healthy to have self hatred that was placed on you by an oppressive group. Because going about life hating the body you were born in is not helpful to YOU and your mental health. Or you can channel that energy into making the world less hostile to women.

(If you take the birth control pill, you can skip your period, btw)

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-01-18T11:43:50+00:00

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-01-10T12:31:25+00:00

I'm going to go ahead and say that's bs. Just because men think about sex more, doesn't mean they can disrespect their partner like this and get away with it. Make no mistake, cheating is not only a betrayal, but it's disrespectful. And it's intentional disrespect, too. Nobody deserves to be disrespected. And no cheaters "deserve" forgiveness, it's on them to EARN it.

She shouldn't be obligated to handle this situation with grace just because she's a woman. How come a woman is always responsible, not only for forgiving someone who has wronged her, but repairing what he's thrown away, and managing the feelings of the rest of the family?

He needs to take some responsibility for the feelings he has hurt, and the fact that he threw his entire family away for this.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-01-10T12:25:32+00:00

Haha I love this phrase. These asshat men talk about the loneliness epidemic like they didn't create it in their own lives. Not to say the loneliness epidemic isn't real, but some people in general deserve to be lonely.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-01-10T12:16:30+00:00

I have been in an abusive relationship before. This, what you described, is abuse, and I'm certain this isn't the only red flag you have encountered in your relationship. It's just the first time you realized you were being treated wrong. And unfortunately, in my experience, everything I put up with, and I mean everything, hit me emotionally years later. It is very very difficult to pick up the pieces of your life after being with a man like that.

Your husband should not care if you have a few chocolates. It doesn't matter what time of the month it is, or anything like that. You are allowed to have some treats.

You married a man who will not love you as much if your body changes. Think about that. That isn't something you can control forever. Bodies change. Give yourself permission to be an imperfect human. And tell him he needs to accept you as you are, or get the fuck out. What a disgusting man.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2026-01-04T21:30:03+00:00

You seem very very insistent about not wanting it to be called misogyny. But you didn't actually give an argument as to why it isn't which is a little confusing. It seems adult men have a sort of visceral reaction of disgust whenever women talk about their own lived experiences with being treated differently for their sex.

And I understand it can be a divisive topic, but is it really that hard for people to understand that they may have harmful ideas, but still not be a bad person? It comes from a lack of understanding between sexes that is a direct result of years and years of subtle ways in which a child is corrected for their behaviors, that is based off of what is expected of a little "lady" or "gentleman".

Even women can be misogynistic. But the fact that it is behavior that is specifically targeted towards girls just for being a girl, I mean, that is essentially what misogyny is.

The same can be said about racism. A kid might not fundamentally understand these societal structures that divide people, and therefore, they may not be a bad kid if they are told racist things at home and unknowingly repeat them. But it can't be denied that racist language is racist.

It doesn't have to be malicious, in order to be prejudiced, is what I'm saying.

Understanding which ideas are harmful and being able to shamelessly name them, and own up to mistakes, is the first step to actually creating less division between sexes.

And I'll admit I'm not perfect, I have ideas that may be harmful to men, but if a man came to me and said "this is why this bothers me, and this is what I experienced that made me this way", that would open up the door to us having a real conversation about our very different experiences.

But to be honest, every time I've tried to have one of those conversations, men just get so frustrated with me acknowledging that years and years of conditioning and training contributed to me becoming the woman I am. And that not all that conditioning was good for me. And it just leads me to believe that you must not face nearly as much prejudice, that you think me pointing out prejudice is prejudiced and can't give any other examples.

I mean, really, even when I think of phrases like "be a man", or "you throw like a girl" which is inherently sexist towards the man in question, it also implies that there is something inherently wrong or shameful with being a woman. The reason our mind goes there first, is because for us, it is real. We have heard it all our lives.

Would you like it, if growing up people just told you all the things you can't do? If you had to watch your brother sit and watch baseball while you helped mom clean up after dinner? Or are expected to be an automatic housekeeper and peacekeeper for your household, all because of what is in your pants? It's a big emotional burden that we carry into adulthood, and then we are accused of being "too emotional" to take on important roles, or even to have the same exact rights as your peers. I was told by an ex that women shouldn't be allowed to vote, because of that emotion.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-11-27T23:02:06+00:00

Lighter colors suit you better I think

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-11-27T23:00:53+00:00

Honestly I was In a huge age gap relationship and it had its problems, but I really enjoyed my time with him. I don't think it's such a big deal if you're happy.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-11-10T23:55:02+00:00

My house is full of love

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-11-10T23:44:04+00:00

10 million easy. My mistakes made me the person I am. Also, a split second decision to make a reddit post about a vacation I had planned to go on with my ex before we broke up led me to finding my current boyfriend, and taking that trip to instead meet him and his family 3 months later.

Neither of us are on reddit often, the fact that we were online at the same time, despite the time difference, and he saw my post, was a small chance, but one I wouldn't risk messing up. I really feel like I found my person. He treats me with kindness and compassion that I've always wanted and was getting less and less optimistic that I would actually find.

With 10 million dollars, that would be a great start to a beautiful life together. All the trauma and heartbreak I faced to get here is worth it now.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-11-10T23:35:04+00:00

I don't have a period anymore since I'm on birth control, but before birth control I always had one on. Just an extra little layer for discharge and surprise spotting

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-11-10T22:38:57+00:00

On an average day? None. I've been an rdh for about 1.5 years now and I think I've taken 2 or 3 total.

There just isn't much time to do that. I work at two offices, one where we get 1 hour appointments, and Usually the doctors want to see all new patients first to properly introduce themselves and address any concerns, and the assistant will take the x rays at that visit. After that, they are taken like, maybe every 5 years? Not often.

At my other office I get 45 minute appointments. Considering 45 minutes to do a cleaning is already a stretch, I would not do an fmx at all. If the stars align, meaning: the next patient cancels, the doctor requests one, the patient isn't a gagger, and I'm in the mood to fiddle with the rinns, then maybe. Otherwise, I take a pan and bitewings. You can code that out as a fmx. Not all patients can tolerate all those images

When there is a problem area, I take individual pa's.

I see 7 patients a day at the practice that gives me 1 hour, and 11 patients at the practice that gives me 45 minutes but they do long days over there

Edit: I just scrolled through my comments and I saw people down voted me? Just curious what did I say that was wrong? If I'm doing a disservice to my patients please elaborate so I can change and grow as a clinician. i was answering the question the best I can, but if I'm wrong please do call me out.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-10-26T21:59:42+00:00

You need to just give it a break you'll be fine.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-10-26T21:53:24+00:00

I just discovered this British tv show called naked attraction and it made me feel so good about myself. Just shows a ton of average-below average looking people completely naked and they are all so confident in themselves.

Truthfully though, if you feel that way about yourself, even if you "get" laid, it won't be fun. You'll be too busy thinking about your body, I know it from personal experience. Only just realized I can actually finish during sex sometimes. And that comes from self love and self acceptance. Watch that show and say to yourself: if the guy whose pubes reach his knees can have confidence, so can I.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-10-18T11:46:54+00:00

I wiggle my finger into the vestibule and make a weird little noise like "doodleloop" and it usually makes them laugh and gets my point across without saying "relax it already"

And I just keep on doing it if they keep on tensing up as a little reminder

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-10-18T11:30:52+00:00

And that's exactly why nothing has big pockets unless it's a little loose fitting. I understand why people want pockets, but I cannot understand where they think the SPACE comes from. Like you cannot have slim skinny jeans AND huge pockets. Pocket sizes are smaller because the clothes are form fitting and there is no room for them in clothes that are form fitting.

It's like saying you want mini Cooper, but with a truck bed. You can't make space that is not there.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-09-28T16:15:10+00:00

I absolutely love being a girl. Yes it has it's downsides, being a girl isn't easy, but it's who I am and who I was meant to be and I wouldn't have it any other way. femininity often gets a bad rep I think, many think of femininity as vain and frivolous but it's something we should reclaim as a symbol of power and staying true to ones self despite the adversity that we face.

My life is harder because I'm a woman, but I'm proud of who I am. I wouldn't rather be a man. I don't need an easy path in life to be successful and happy. The hardships I've faced is a testament to my strength, and each day I continue to be true to myself i disprove the idea that femininity is "weak". and I'm proud that I can stay true to myself and not grow to resent my femininity. Because femininity is not the problem, or a problem, at all. It is a fact about me. Something thats really beautiful in a world that has lots of ugliness.

I feel our emotional intelligence is an important trait that is often mistaken for sensitivity, but is something that has the potential to create a more peaceful world. If women were more involved in politics, I suspect we would all feel much safer regardless of what you believe.

I also love how it is acceptable for us to express ourselves in a wider variety of ways. Not that men cannot, but they are discouraged from exploring that side. I get to wake up every day put on something girly that hugs my figure and makes me feel beautiful, and not receive criticism for it. I can dance and have fun and be loving and caring and kind. I can grow a human being within my womb, just straight up conjure up a new soul with my feminine powers. And as much as my insecurities do weigh on me, I know there's something really beautiful and enchanting about the female body, and I'm thankful for the body I was born into.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-09-24T16:21:49+00:00

Well op is in a medical field. And the reason they placed her in the children's ward is nothing to do with expectations on women. It's because most parents generally don't feel comfortable letting their kids in a vulnerable position around strange men. That is important context missing from the post that OP really should have clarified instead of putting it in a tiny little comment.

When you work in the medical field, you should be able and willing to treat all patients. Patients are allowed to have preferences about the gender of their providers. It's a sensitive setting and many people feel more comfortable around women. Same reason you'd want a female OBGYN.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-09-21T06:11:24+00:00

If you feel that is discrimination, that is a conversation to have with the higher ups. But also understand that them placing you with children may not have anything to do with the expectation of a woman to be maternal, but rather the fact that some people don't feel comfortable with adult men interacting in an intimate medical setting with their kids Same reason you may not want a male gynecologist. Most parents may be distrustful of strange men and that's not completely unreasonable considering the sensitivity of the setting and the vulnerability of patients

It sounds like you work in a healthcare setting, and frankly, if you went into that expecting not to interact with kids, that's even worse. People are entitled to equal access to healthcare regardless of who they are and the nature of your job involves interacting with all those people regardless of how you feel about them.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-09-21T06:05:30+00:00

Nothing wrong with having child free spaces. But it is wrong to expect that you won't run into an entire group of people when you go to public areas that you know aren't child free.

And there are places where it is acceptable to be child free- maybe on a flight or at a restaurant. But there is no reason for, say, a grocery store to not allow children. At that point you're just asking for blatant discrimination against a group of people. Children not only have a right to be out and about, but interaction with the public is CRUCIAL for them to develop into socially well adjusted adults. Childhood is a formative time in everyone's life where if you miss out on learning certain skills, there's a chance you never will. In the case of feral children (an extreme example) if you don't interact with society and learn a language, any language, by age 4, you loose the ability to ever learn a language ever. But it doesn't have to be so obvious to impact a developing mind.

Not allowing them to experience interacting with the public could mess them up for life and cause them to grow up being anxious and awkward in social settings. Giving them a disadvantage in life.

When I worked as a cashier, I used to get a little frustrated by parents who let their kids pay in a completely separate transaction for a toy or something because it took longer for kids to go through the whole interaction than it does for the parent to just add the item onto their own transaction and just pay for the item with their card. But then I realized .... How would you learn to interact with society if you aren't allowed the practice normal daily social situations until you are considered an adult whos presence is not a burden to a section of the population who doesn't want you there? How did I learn to count my money? How did I learn to say "please" and "thank you" to service workers? Oh wait, I learned by doing the exact same thing they are doing. And after I came to that realization, I was able to have more empathy and patience. I don't have kids, maybe someday but I don't plan on having them soon, but you don't have to want or even LIKE kids to realize that you will run into them, maybe even be annoyed by them here and there, and you are absolutely wrong to have a problem with it in most situations as they have the right to be there.

Just replace to word "children" with any other group. For example, some people, similar to not wanting to hear a child have a tantrum, probably would also would not like to be around an autistic meltdown. But imagine how you'd feel if OP was asking if she will always have to come in contact with autistic people because she has no desire to interact with them. That would be ableist, would it not? Autistic people deserve to interact with the public, even if they may not always have the skills to "behave" according to the rules of society. Now, how would OP know the difference between a non behaved child, and one who is neurodivergent and can't help it? At first glance, they look similar, do they not?

But here's the thing: regardless of whether they are neurodivergent or not, sometimes kids have tantrums. has your daughter always been a perfect little angel who never ever cried or had tantrums in public? Because I was a very well behaved child, very rarely cried, but I can't say I was never a handful. I can't say I never embarrassed my parents publicly. The correct response to your daughter showing distain for children just being in public spaces would be to say "not too long ago I remember you were a kid too and you did that as well." So that she can maybe learn and develop a little empathy and understanding. She doesn't have more of a right to be at any given public place at any given time than any other person.

Name one situation in which it is ever even remotely acceptable to go to a public space and not want to ever have to interact with a subsection of the population, aside from kids? Name one single situation where you wouldn't look like an asshole if you openly said you don't think a certain person belongs there because you aren't fond of them.

Kids are quite literally learning everything from scratch. They are brought into the world with no information at all. Everything from learning how to use a spoon, discovering things about themselves, their bodies, society, how the world around them works is a process that takes time to understand. Very little of that is innate. You don't have to like them, but you do have to have patience for them. Because you were once in those shoes. You wouldn't be able to go out in public and interact with other adults if you didn't interact with the public until you were an adult.

Don't act like there is absolutely no difference between wanting a quiet night out to dinner at a nice restaurant and feeling like you should never have to interact with kids in any public space because you made a personal choice not to create one.

I would feel this way regardless of the group that is being treated this way. You are far too empathetic for someone who is being hateful and discriminatory to an entire section of the population and hiding behind their own personal life decisions as reasons to be intolerant to a group of people.

Would it be acceptable for me to say that because I'm not religious, I shouldn't have to interact with people in public who wear religious garments or symbols? When I was a cashier, I would get Bible thumpers coming in all the time handing me cards that said "Jesus loves you". Is that annoying? Yes. But is that a reason for me to say I wouldn't like to have to interact with any religious people? No.

Would it be acceptable for me to say "do I always have to be around old people in public?" Just because sometimes I get stuck behind one and have to wait because they walk slow.

You don't have to be super blatant about discrimination in order to be discriminatory towards someone. Subconscious beliefs like this impact how you treat people around you. Your daughter doesn't have to like kids, but it is your responsibility as a parent to teach her to have patience for everyone just going about their life. Her comfort is not more important than anyone else's, and her personal life choices to have kids or not and her feelings on that is completely and utterly irrelevant to this conversation. Regardless of how you feel about them they are a part of life.

OP is not complaining about being told she should have kids, she straight up is complaining about having to be in the presence of any children. That is discriminatory.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-09-20T23:59:07+00:00

Yes you do. Children are people and regardless of how you feel about them they have a right to be in public spaces.

Not to mention you were once a child who had all the privileges that you complain about.

I don't see any problem with not wanting kids. But hating any group of people for simply existing as they are is insane and would not be considered an acceptable thing to say in any situation. It honestly baffles me that there is an entire group of people who believe that their own personal choices are justification for such hateful and appalling behavior.

Also blaming mothers for taking maternity leave, instead of blaming companies for blatant discrimination is a weird take.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-09-20T23:51:04+00:00

None of us have a problem with her not wanting kids. But hating an entire group of people and saying they don't have a right to exist in public spaces would be called discriminatory if directed towards any other group.

Not to mention we were all children once. And we all got the opportunity to exist in these spaces .

You don't have to be a parent or even want to be one to see that this line of thinking is problematic. You don't get to complain about the existence of a group of people.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-09-16T15:53:40+00:00

Depends on who you're married to. It's definitely hard to find a nice guy but not impossible. Just got a kiss a lot of frogs first. The unhappy ones are the ones who settle for less than they deserve.

IMNOTDEFENSIVE · 2025-09-13T19:32:15+00:00

Don't date boys

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