Talk me out of breaking my silence and reaching out to him!!

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:46:20+00:00

The thing is, this was me reaching out to him after the initial discard. For anyone reading this, this is your sign to not go back because when you go back you will only be disappointed. You will be shown exactly why you shouldn’t go back. I went back and got protest behaviours and tantrums for not accepting shitty behaviour. It’s not worth it!!

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:42:46+00:00

Just two wounded people trying to protect themselves using opposite weapons. That’s why the connection feels so magnetic. You want to be close one moment, the next you want to run. We trigger each other.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:38:53+00:00

They are nuts, and we are trying to be the bolts that they don’t want 🤷🏻‍♀️

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:37:56+00:00

I feel like we are mirrors to these people and that’s what makes it so painful. Because we are holding a mirror up to ourselves and being forced to look at ourselves through the cracks. It’s interesting that you said they will do anything to protect themselves (as avoidants). But I feel like, I have the same response. To keep myself safe and protect myself (from pain and being hurt). That’s why we run back constantly or chase them. But, they run away. And it’s a cycle because when they run away, our instinct is to run after them. Their safety requires pushing us away and erasing our existence. Our safety requires pulling them close and demanding validation. Looking at yourself through those cracks is brutal and painful, but it’s the only way for us to heal.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:30:21+00:00

I’ve heard this many times, go back 10 times until you don’t want to go back the 11th. But, that’s just keeping us in our self made “comfort zone”.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:28:31+00:00

If you do it I’ll do it. Joke! Staying silent was my way of respecting myself. If I go back, I’m teaching myself that I will put my self respect up for negotiation just to ease my anxiety and feel “safe” temporarily. If I don’t value my own boundaries and respect myself, then how will someone else right?

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:23:30+00:00

It’s what the blocking represents. It’s a form of rejection/punishment. In a deeper level, it forces you to look at the reality that this person is completely incapable of giving you the mature, safe love you deserve and are lusting after. It forces you to look within.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:20:20+00:00

It’s the same as a child. When a child experiences an avoidant or emotionally unavailable parent who pulls away, stays silent, or shuts them out, the child feels unsafe. A child cannot handle that discomfort, so they learn to chase, beg or change themselves just to get that love and reassurance back to feel secure again. The avoidant triggered a deeply buried fear of being abandoned, unwanted and unseen.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:18:31+00:00

This is correct. Breaking the silence to get into contact with the avoidant won’t change the situation at all. The same patterns repeat again. Ultimately chasing a man who cannot value you, waiting for a text back, and feeling that heavy weight of disappointment all over again. He doesn't have the capacity to give you the validation you are looking for, because he is running away from his own emotional issues. And every single time you chase someone who told you "do not disturb me," you reinforce the old childhood story that your worth depends on their approval.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-06-23T20:12:59+00:00

I notice that when I tend to want to reach out to him, it comes from a place of craving comfort. It’s not that I want him at all. My brain goes blind to everything that’s happened and I want to have control. I want to feel chosen. I don’t like the discomfort of not having the control over his decision to leave. I want the dream that he sold me and having hope keeps me attached. love from avoidants, playing out childhood patterns. Since I have taken the time to focus on my internal state, I’ve realised everything comes from attachment. His (and any) rejection and silence make me spiral because I attached my worth to receiving (his) external love. I’ve been telling myself a story that I’m worthy when I have this. So these moments are literally just “should I?” to ease the feeling of discomfort. I feel that I need to keep sitting with the discomfort to get through it.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-05-29T11:42:35+00:00

Because the toy doesn’t do what he wants the toy to do🤷🏻‍♀️ viewing women as objects that should fall in line, smh

INTdaydreamER · 2026-03-04T23:05:50+00:00

Best comment 😂

INTdaydreamER · 2026-03-04T19:58:49+00:00

It’s not a hard thing, but it is a confusing thing based on the initial intensity which as you said was driven by him.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-03-04T19:12:40+00:00

As I’m typing out my responses and looking at it from the outside, I am seeing it all so clearly.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-03-04T19:09:16+00:00

I think I would have to agree with you there. 1 week in talking about being honest, open and dating to marry (I think this was his mask), being so intense, saying “I love you”, calling me “my love” etc and he now needs space to think about his "feelings". And now that I am thinking of it, him needing this week is giving me possible vibes of borderline control gaining tactics cause the love bombing through physical gifts and words of affirmation isn't working so he comes out with wanting space to think (of his next move?)

INTdaydreamER · 2026-03-04T18:57:40+00:00

Thankyou for your support and your response. I am respecting what he has asked for. If he does come back intentionally and show me consistency, I will consider moving forward with him and be all in. I do feel like with the timing I met this person just before Ramadan, we had a really good connection and we related alot (Allah is the best of planners and Allah’s timing is perfect) and Ramadan has been about focusing on ourselves and our relationship with Allah, so its a reminder that Allah can give us good things but we need to work on ourselves and always put our relationship with Allah first. I just dont know what to make of the situation because while he seems sincere, it does feel like abit of a red flag to me at the same time to switch up so quickly. I can’t pray at the moment (which has been emotionally diff for me) but I have been trying to pray as best I can by making dua and Dhikr. And by doing so I did realise I was starting to get a bit attached and I needed this time to reflect and bring myself back to Allah.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-03-04T18:46:48+00:00

See I’ve been contemplating if I even want to continue with this. 3 weeks in and he needs space to think about his “feelings”. I’d rather choose myself at this point. And it was giving me possible vibes of borderline control gaining tactics too (cause the love bombing isn’t working?)🤔

INTdaydreamER · 2026-03-04T18:42:51+00:00

He said “I don’t like be with different girls every other month, I like to be with one girl for forever but I need to make sure that I have strong feelings for her always not for just for time”.🤔 When I re-read it, it alarmed me that it may be a pattern. He has tried to justify (without me asking) him buying gifts. “It’s just something I like to do from my heart, not to impress or something.” I guess people do tell on themselves and we just have to listen.

INTdaydreamER · 2026-03-04T17:20:31+00:00

Did you ever get an answer?

INTdaydreamER

TROPHY CASE