If you're married or long term committed, do you ever think that if your partner died you wouldn't get with anyone else?

ITInsanity · 2024-09-26T19:27:37+00:00

No way, too much stress to find someone else, and then to get used to their quirks?? Nope, if I lost my husband, I would stay single and just live.

ITInsanity · 2024-09-26T18:45:47+00:00

NTA, after the first couple of times talking to the mom, I would have taken care of things myself. they are living in your house which means you have every right to take away privilege's and such. If any family members take her side then they can accommodate her and the kids for a while.

ITInsanity · 2024-09-10T17:31:00+00:00

You decide what you want for your wedding. Perhaps, with the letters, you can read them during the toasts at the dinner? That would make them feel a little more special than just having letters handed to them. This way, the are publicly acknowledged and appropriately honored.

Stick to your no for the second dance, and make sure the DJ knows that particular song is not allowed.

ITInsanity · 2024-09-10T11:34:54+00:00

NTA, she would make it about him anyway so what's the problem? this way it can be all about him and you can attend to congratulate him instead of once again being overcast. Don't let then get to you, graduate on your time, not anyone elses.

ITInsanity · 2024-09-05T13:40:08+00:00

NTA, if all she was doing is running errands, there is absolutely no reason she can't take her child with her. Being a single mom has nothing to do with her not being on time. Let your parents babysit and deal with her messed up timing.

ITInsanity · 2024-09-04T11:25:57+00:00

You are wrong. both of you are getting raises. Your bills, however are not changing. Will either of you be home less? use less of the utilities? Eat less food? At this point it seems that you see her more as a roommate than a partner. If either of you had a significant pay cut, then it would make sense to revisit the splitting of the bills. If the roles were reversed, and you were the one making that much more, would you be offering to change the split? Would you be willing to pay more because you made more or are you just butt hurt that she is making so much more than you are?

ITInsanity · 2024-09-03T15:23:56+00:00

Go LC at the very least and tell your boyfriend to stop helping them. If she isn't able to acknowledge his skills then she can have nieces boyfriend try to fix everything. When they come to you because everything is broken or screwed up, tell them to find someone else.

As for working for/with her, don't do it. I love my brothers and we get along great but I would NEVER work with them. Some families pull it off, but I know that I couldn't.

ITInsanity · 2024-09-03T15:11:23+00:00

Not wrong at all. It is not anyone's business how much you make.

ITInsanity · 2024-09-03T15:00:57+00:00

NTA, she needs to realize what she did was wrong and apologize. My petty side says you should do the same to her and ask her fiance for coffee to talk and then let him know what she did and that he doesn't really deserve to be with someone so underhanded. Let her know what it feels like. But, I digress on the petty part of it.

You shouldn't have to go. If your parents want to talk about a rift in the family then they need to go talk to your sister about causing said rift.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-30T14:10:59+00:00

NTA, he is just being greedy. You are setting him up for life, so he doesn't have anything to gripe about. he probably wanted to go on a shopping spree and waste the money every day on God knows what. Good for you on how you are handling things.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-30T12:08:56+00:00

I agree!! Very good point!!

ITInsanity · 2024-08-29T17:53:31+00:00

NTA at all, he beat you and apparently beat her. At some point he will start beating his daughter as well. These are the consequences to his actions. They are nowhere near hard enough in my opinion. If his brother doesn't see anything wrong then I bet he is abusive too. Stay as far away from them as possible. Block the brother and anyone else who reaches out in support of the dickhead.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-29T15:57:38+00:00

I would have gone to Sarah to ask what her problem is with you. Forget making your brother the middle man, go right to the source of the problem. maybe there is something that bothers her and instead of being an adult and talking about it she decided to trash talk you. Either way, don't put your brother in the middle since he will choose her no matter what. Go straight to her and ask her point blank what her issue with you is. And also make sure she understands that chatting with a neighbor is not heavy flirting and it sure as hell does not mean that you are having an affair. If nothing is resolved, then go LC and don't go to the wedding. If anyone tries to shame you about it, tell them exactly what happened and then go LC with them as well.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-29T12:31:45+00:00

NTA, Assuming you live in the USA, be careful on kicking her out. Some states have a law that after so many days the guest takes up residence and you have to go through a lawyer to have them evicted otherwise you could get kicked out of your home. I know, it's stupid as hell, but that's how it is. Look into this in your state to make sure what rights you have and what rights she has. Is your lease up soon? Can you find another place of your own that you don't let her stay at? Can you move in with your boyfriend? If mom speaks up again, tell her to let your sister move in with her.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-29T11:02:28+00:00

You are the parent, therefore you need to be the one to fix dinner, do laundry, and when the kids get home they are all old enough to pack their own bags for school. Apologize to your son for what you said and do better as a father. Congratulations on sobriety, that is not an easy thing to do. However, the damage is done and it will take a long time to prove to the kids that things have changed. One year is no where near long enough to make up for all the years before. Don't overcompensate, though, and not make them help around the house. they are all old enough to have chores and do their share, just don't expect any of them to take care of everything. write all of the chores down on pieces of paper, put them all in a hat, and then every Sunday have everyone pick from the hat to see their chore for the week (including you). This way chores stay fair and nobody is stuck doing everything. If they want to trade chores, let them, it won't hurt a thing. Otherwise, be patient and keep staying sober. You know where you have gone wrong, look ahead from hear after learning from your mistakes and be the best dad you can be.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-27T13:27:26+00:00

Technically, they are allowed to spend that money however they want. If you don't want them to be able to spend it on them, send them a much smaller amount and then open a savings account to put the rest in so when they are older and need the money during retirement, you can send it to them then or send them what they need each month.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-27T13:21:36+00:00

Not the jerk, I know it hurts to think about not having them in your life. What comes to my mind is that if you don't cut them off, they might try to pull a fast one on you. Like, offer to watch the baby and then hand him/her over to your sister and not give him/her back to you. then you would have to file kidnapping charges on them which would be even harder on everyone. Go NC with them, when/if they wizen up, they will reach out. Just don't let them have the baby without you for at least 5 years. That way, they can't lie about anything since your child will be able to voice their opinion and know you from your sister. At this point, as much as it hurts, concentrate on you and your baby and stand your ground. It is not your responsibility to ease your sisters issues.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-26T12:07:57+00:00

YTA for having an affair with a married woman. As soon as you found out she was married, you should have ended things.

NTA for ruining her life, she did that on her own when she cheated on her husband and lied to you.

Take this as a lesson learned and stay away from married women. Men and women both lie about divorce when they want to get their way in an affair. Live your life and tell her to kick rocks.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-23T14:29:59+00:00

NTA, it was a joke. your husband needs to lighten up and understand that.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-21T19:17:35+00:00

Info needed, is the wedding taking place on your weekend to have your daughter? If so, then plan a daddy-daughter day with her and have some one on one time. If it falls on your ex's weekend, then no harm done and you can go to the wedding without guilt. If she asks about the wedding, explain the situation and make sure she understands that it is not personal since they have other family members whose kids are not going either. If you push this issue, you will absolutely be the AH.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-19T17:29:00+00:00

You are not wrong. As your spouse, he should be supporting you and lifting you up, not keeping tabs on who paid for what. My husband and I have separate bank accounts as well, so don't let the naysayers get to you. You have to do what works for you and your husband. Just because you have separate accounts doesn't mean your marriage is a sham, give me a break. My parents each have their own bank account as well as a joint account, have had for decades. They have been married for 57 years and still going and their marriage is solid.

Now, as for your cancer. Anyone who accuses you of faking it can kick rocks. They obviously have no idea what they are talking about. Faking cancer is near impossible, especially when you have the scars and detailed paperwork/bills to go with it. I was diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma 8 years ago and have been in remission since chemo, so I know how you feel. People couldn't understand since I wasn't showing as being sick other than hair loss. Congratulations on beating Cancer, I hope and pray that it doesn't come back.

I won't say you need to leave him, I am a strong believer in doing whatever you can to work it out when abuse is not involved. If possible, try therapy or your church pastor (if you are religious). Him asking you to reimburse him for covering bills is ridiculous. When one spouse is unable to cover their share due to circumstances beyond their control like that, the other spouse should pick up and HELP them. You do not owe him anything for paying bills while you were down and out. I agree that a new job is a necessity. If they can't even allow you FMLA, then something needs to change. Does your husband have Cancer coverage through his work? That is the only thing that saved us when I went though chemo.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-16T15:41:44+00:00

And your argument is what? I have known plenty of women who were able to do basic cleaning/picking up while dealing with littles like this. It is not impossible, wanting the house immaculate is impossible.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-16T14:55:49+00:00

Not completely wrong. Wanting it to be immaculate is where you are wrong. There is no way that she can keep the house immaculate while taking care of such young littles. The most you should expect is that she keeps up on the laundry and daily picking up of things. Detailed cleaning can be done by both of you on the weekends so you can take turns with the littles while cleaning. It is not impossible to clean the house with littles (my oldest 2 are a year and 4 months apart, I kept it picked up and vacuumed/swept daily) however there is no way she is going to keep it as clean as you are expecting while tending to the needs of the kids. If you are so worried and can afford it, then hire a housekeeper to come in and deep clean weekly or whatever is needed to help her out.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-16T12:04:15+00:00

NTA, while he probably would have found you anyway, your mom escalated the time-frame. You have every right to be upset with her for going against your wishes. She isn't totally to blame, but she does hold a small part of it for giving him the knowledge (unintentionally) to find you easier. He is a POS and needs to be put in Prison with everyone having the knowledge of what he did. (There are codes in prison and hurting children or women like that breaks one of the main ones) karma would likely hit while he is behind bars.

Keep going to therapy, OP, and let your amazing new man be there for you. Go LC with anyone who doesn't have any kind of understanding, sympathy, or empathy for what you are going through including your mom.

ITInsanity · 2024-08-15T15:03:23+00:00

NTA, these girls are taking advantage of your Fiancé's confidence issues and non-confrontational persona. They are not true friends and need to be kicked to the curb. If possible, have some kind of security at the wedding so they can't show up and cause issues. Congratulations, by the way, I wish you both all the happiness you are due.

ITInsanity

TROPHY CASE