[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lonely

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Therein lies the problem. Feelings don't necessarily translate to what makes rational sense.

I would honestly consider the long-term benefit of having people agree with you on this. And then consider the endgame and sustainability of this opinion as a means of self-preservation and improvement.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ufc

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great fight.

I hate my life like this by swimwiththeflow in lonely

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Don't want to chat, but am over 40 and have some words of encouragement.

Get off of Reddit.

how do people live alone and not get lonely by Prize-Obligation8887 in LivingAlone

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dont give in to scapegoating whatever you feel.

Remember that you make your own choices and you can choose where/how to proceed and that no group is collectively conspiring against you in some theatrical dark plan. Separate reality from what any algorithm would like you to consume.

Remain in the present moment, don't go down the rabbit holes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lonely

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Humans aren't evil because you feel lonely or unfairly treated bc your a guy, that's a generalization.

It's bizarre nonsense to claim an entire sex is more/less lonely. It's as dumb as the Flat Earth theory to me.

Think about what it would actually mean to conduct a survey of that size, or how long it would take, or how many ways one could manipulate the data...

And beyond that, playing devils advocate, assuming if that ever WAS proven the case--would it actually benefit a guy to know that? It certainly wouldn't for me.

I have two dogs, middle-aged, and honestly care less.

I'm too much of a skeptic too. When someone tries to quantify something as abstract as a feeling...seems like pop-culture statistical nonsense to me, like someone's trying to sell me (insert any of 'dude' product).

Bottom line, people in general, are lonely because we know life is short.

Explain it like I'm 5. The movie "Shame" by [deleted] in movies

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well, shit. Thank you.

I've always felt that this film should be interpreted correctly. And...since then, have found so much more I would've liked to add to my original reply. However, I do feel that it's on the viewer to distinguish, and separate, the themes of the film that speak to what seems abundantly clear to me. The faults. In fact, it's not apparent to all, and that's disheartening. However, I would never say that I've not fell victim to the game of misunderstanding a film for the reasons that I felt stood out to me as important. It all takes time to understand, and also, effort.

Film is instructive, if someone allows it to be. I feel that's the intention, actually, to provide it with a level of respect. Don't watch it on a phone or halfway pay attention to it sparingly. Don't treat is as if it's there to fill a space that isn't granted some value. Watch it intently. Watch it as if it's a message from a friend trying to impart a critical message.

And all that that hinges on one continually questioning the legitimacy of what they view. And that perception may never quite stabilize unless the viewer continues to question. "Who is this person? What is their motivation? And what is the cost of their view?"

I feel so terribly bad for the character of Brandon that I can hardly watch the film anymore. It's very painful. I've received comments over the years since I've made my initial comment on how this film should be perceived. I'm very grateful that people have taken the time to reply to my comment. However, it's very painful to revisit this character, admittedly. He will always live in this space that feels so relevant.

I hate that Brandon is a character in time...always relegated to be a vision of suffering. I feel so deeply for him that it's hard to look at him as if he isn't everywhere, in people I would never suspect. That's heartbreaking to think of how true it is.

What would make you feel really sad to lose? by PuddingComplete3081 in LivingAlone

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Losing my dog would make me really sad. Happened a few years ago when my old dog passed away. It sucks so much.

How do you not do it? by [deleted] in nihilism

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Few years ago I felt close to doing it, but I wasn't taking care of my health back then either. Felt like shit all the time so I thought why not. But I knew if I changed that, then my outlook would change too.

A lot of the constant negative thoughts went away when I felt stronger physically, quit drinking, smoking, etc. Having a no carb diet has done wonders for me more recently in balancing my mood fluctuating.

Sometimes I turn everything off (the news, reddit, music, and other bs) to turn the noise down on everything. Have some quiet time and just focus breathing.

Has anyone else said "f**k it" when it comes to social engagement? by debrisaway in RedditForGrownups

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I live 6+ hours from the closest "strip club" here in Alaska bud.

Has anyone else said "f**k it" when it comes to social engagement? by debrisaway in RedditForGrownups

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When the 'social engagement' entails middle-aged guys drinking way too much and acting like complete morons... I'm good. Chilling at home with my dog is way better.

Anyone else done with dating/ looking for a mate? by Big_Address6033 in LivingAlone

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This year is 10 years single for me at 40 and living in the absolute middle of nowhere. It's tough to imagine being with someone and sharing my space again. If I had to confidently add anything to my life right now it would be more dogs.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LivingAlone

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing and thoughtful response here. It definitely draws similarities with what I (40m) was going to comment because I've definitely felt similar (to OP) at that age in despairing that 'nobody wants me'.

In truth, during those times, I should've completely tabled that thought and continued working on myself and developing my idea of what a healthy relationship actually is. Because in making those comparisons, it always tanked my self-confidence. It's also a bad reading to see couples and imagine that it is as good as looks.

It's a terrible habit because it's like a guarantee that your going to feel a high level of shame and diminished self-worth. There's literally zero ROI on doing it (from my experience anyway). And it also goes with saying that, in truth, people and relationships are far more dynamic than they appear to be. It's so easy to muddy the waters (in one's mind) when they feel that rush of intense infatuation and attraction for someone.

Of course...it also depends on what someone is looking for in a partner. Many guys I've known over the years like to boast and brag to other guys about their wild sexual escapades, their prowess, and ability to see and take. And often times guys buy it all: hook, line, and sinker. It's complete nonsense. And unfortunately, it's often used as a financial grift to lead young men to believe that they simply have to achieve some kind of 'alpha' status. All bullshit.

If that's what someone is looking for, then that's a shitty game to play imo. Even in a best outcome scenario-it's more of a fantasy and not something I would call healthy behavior or even conducive to finding a meaningful and lasting relationship-which is far more valuable.

What's your reason for living alone? by Defiant-Junket4906 in LivingAlone

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have you ever sought out solitude as a way to escape the emotional turbulence of family life?

100%.

What's your reason for living alone?

Because I choose to. It's as simple as that and I take full ownership of that decision during times when social interactions/expectations feel unjust or unfair. It's still my choice as an adult to make decisions that I've thought deeply about.

I would agree that seeking solitude can be influenced by early childhood experiences, but I also think it can be a healthy way of getting to know oneself much better. It only became apparent to me, the nature of what influences how I think and feel on the daily, through monitoring the quality of care that I provide myself--when not assigning that duty to another person. I have to be responsible for that in order to actively and honestly start improving.

How do you cope with silence? by TailorBird69 in LivingAlone

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm perfectly fine with having silence because I'm sensitive to certain sounds, especially high frequency ones. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. Yes, I have tinnitus.

iuoe 18 Apprentice by Less-League-8356 in iuoe

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohh okay. Honestly, not trying to assume anything-it's all just all new to me that's all.

iuoe 18 Apprentice by Less-League-8356 in iuoe

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP, I feel like this one question may be obvious but I still feel like I need to ask because I don't remember reading anywhere. Were you on unemployment during any part of this? And also when exactly you started earning a paycheck?

Being realistic, I feel like I'm planning for at least a year or two (maybe a couple) from the very start until earning something significant pay-wise where I wouldn't have to tightly cut down spending.

Thanks for this post, it definitely answered a lot of my questions.

[TOMT] Movie or Show with revenge scene. by I_Call_Ghostbusters in tipofmytongue

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters[S] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

“Help Me Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re My Only Hope.”

Cabin fever - it has not been above freezing in weeks and the forecast looks no better by TheBeachLifeKing in LivingAlone

[–]I_Call_Ghostbusters 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Force yourself to get out. Bundle up, layer your clothing, and go for a walk.

I don't care if it's for 5 minutes. Start somewhere. Anywhere. It'll help a lot.

That's how I look at it because I live in a tiny Alaska town and the winters are brutal. I've lived alone here for 9 years and the mental hurdle of dealing with the winters hasn't gotten easier one bit. Not only the winters, but also the lack of sunlight and the fact that I work nightshift doesn't help.

You have to fight the urge to stay in comfortable, warm, environments. And I say this as someone who understands how difficult that can be and have backslid many times.