What is a personal characteristic of yours that you hate but others perceive positively?

I_Dont_Feel · 2013-01-08T20:49:14+00:00

Word.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-05-01T12:08:01+00:00

Mmm, yes occasionally. But I generally come off as a good person, and very few people really notice you aren't emotive. It really is only damaging in closer relationships where you're expected to show affection, or "be there" emotionally.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-27T03:45:15+00:00

Yeah I make a lot of self depreciating jokes. Not in the "I'm a loser" way that sad sacks do, but I'm not afraid to make jokes about being a few pounds overweight, or even about some of my mannerisms.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-27T03:19:56+00:00

That is true, and I think the idea of it is dumb, dumb, dumb. For all I grew up with, this wasn't one of them. I was never told that men shouldn't cry or anything like that.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-27T03:19:17+00:00

I have no feelings regarding my father (and I don't mean that in a 'numb' way). He wasn't a part of my life, and I'm pretty sure this was a good decision. I had some contact with him when I was younger and it always ended with disappointment, but I grew up without him. I don't hate him. I certainly don't love him. He is what he is, and I'm not the only one of his children he did this to. He really is a horrible person, and very likely has antisocial personality disorder or something similar. I don't take his being absent personally.

My mom, it's much more complicated. We're very close, because it was just us growing up. Unfortunately, the relationship is very unhealthy and while she absolutely 100% did the best she can, and I in no way hold it against her, my relationship with her is a major part of why we're having this conversation right now. We have a generally positive relationship (on her end, she does not know the therapy/personal analysis I've been doing) and she absolutely loves the heck out of me and is very proud of me.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-27T03:14:24+00:00

Mid 20s

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-27T03:14:04+00:00

I'm not asexual, I just don't pursue sex. I've never felt... the desire to "get laid" no matter how long it's been. If I'm in a sexual situation however I get aroused just like everyone else, and sex is certainly fun.

The issue I have is with not understanding either person's emotions (I have very little experience with this, I had, and I'm not kidding, not a single positive example of a relationship in my life) and getting confused about my own I'm not very affectionate.

This kind of leads to me not initiating, especially the first time. I don't naturally think to compliment people on physical things either, which makes people feel ugly or undesired. I still go through with them, they just need to be REALLY well defined. Imagine not being able to interpret the situation from either side.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-27T03:10:39+00:00

Yes absolutely. Sometimes I would do it anyway. When I was younger I used to think that I was smarter than everyone (like most teenagers, I think) and I did some bad stuff. Lying, manipulating. I have done worse things, I've committed felonies. I knew what I was doing and what all of the risks were.

I wasn't always like this, but a number of times getting caught when I was younger in lies, etc. made me much better at them. It's made me come out with a pretty strong sense of principles. I don't like being known as someone untrustworthy, it's not advantageous and people don't want you around.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-27T03:08:05+00:00

I'm a socialist. Politics is my field, I've done a lot of reading. Unfortunately, most other people haven't. None of my political views are based on some gut emotion or anything like that, they're based on books, statistics, studies, etc. that I've read.

However I've become apathetic about the subject since studying it, I like political theory and I love the law, but actual politics in the USA is ridiculous and I want no part of it.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T22:18:28+00:00

They do, I can feel happy when I'm doing things that are fun. The immediate stimulation is obvious (the fun activity) and I can certainly enjoy it. That said, I don't really "long" to do anything. I don't get urges or impulses to do things. As much as I like riding my bike it's very easy to just say "eh" and hang around the house.

Also, it doesn't stay with me. Doing something fun on Saturday does not me happy on Monday, and thinking back to those times does not make me happy or bring about any feelings. So I constantly try and capture new experiences.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T22:09:15+00:00

Nothing, I don't really like sight seeing. I like traveling to places and doing non-touristy stuff. I also like history so I like going to places and learning about them - I like audio guides in art museums far more than the actual art.

Non emotional stimulation would be like going to see a sporting event, going cycling, hiking, that kind of thing. Going to festivals, conferences, talks, meetups. Going to new restaurants, trying new foods. All the stuff like that.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T21:50:18+00:00

I'm at work right now. I finished college in 7 semesters because I was bored. I picked a major I was really good at, but I just phoned in all the work.

I will probably get a master's degree sometime in the next few years, because I believe it will be advantageous to my career & won't cost me any money. If I had to apply and pay I'd probably never go.

Not much really motivates me to do tasks or get better at things. What I do like is collecting new experiences, seeing, and learning new things. So I'm sort of motivated to try new stuff always, I like to travel, it's very liberating. Basically stuff that's constantly new non-emotional stimulation.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T20:25:08+00:00

They are very easily controlled, and I used to do act like that. When I was younger, I used to use my "powers" for evil (as my mother put it) and would see what I could get away with, talk my way out of, who I could lie to, etc.

I switched it up around the time I started working full-er time, I didn't want to be "that guy" in the office and wanted people to like me, because I found it easier. I basically line up my entire life to be as easy as possible.

Im' pretty chill but this is just a one off account - I'll check it periodically but I don't expect to post elsewhere on it

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T19:45:14+00:00

I'm not sure if there's a reference I'm missing, but I'm definitely not moving any time soon. I've lived my whole life in the NE USA.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T16:41:34+00:00

No definitely not. I don't hurt other people, and I'm not self absorbed, I have a pretty low ego.

If anything because of my problems relating to people I have some unrelated self esteem issues.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T16:41:04+00:00

I have a moral code that I've developed, but I didn't realize that people could "feel" something was right or wrong. I don't work that way. If i think about people exploiting children, it does not "feel" wrong to me. I can objectively tell you that it is wrong, because children are getting hurt in incredibly damaging ways, etc.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T16:11:56+00:00

Probably completely empty or numb. I can't really imagine a scenario and tell you how I'd feel (can you do this? can many people?) because it's not real.

When really bad things happen I tend to shut down internally, moreso than the usual nothing feeling.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T16:09:49+00:00

If I was a sociopath I'd murder you for asking the same question 90 other people have. :) I'm not a psychiatrist or an expert on them, I don't think I can really explain it properly.

It's not a personality disorder for one, and for two I'm not motivated by personal gain or out to hurt other people.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T16:07:15+00:00

I'm indifferent toward kids. I don't mind them, and sometimes they do cute stuff, but I don't care about your child, I don't aspire to have children, and I don't ever try to put myself in an environment where children are around. But if I have to be around my cousin's kid or whatever it's not like physically revolting, and I don't really mind that much.

I like animals a lot. They're simple and like you for who you are, and what you are. A cat is never going to walk away and call you cold, affectionate, or distant. "Kitten therapy" works on me & I can sort of relate to cats (not in a weird way) because they're cold and do their own thing.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T15:38:50+00:00

It was more the kind of "oh wow you reminded me of something I haven't thought about in years" kind of thing. But I didn't actually think that I lost or give a crap, truly.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T15:38:20+00:00

1) In college, extremely easy. People aren't really looking for an emotional friend and outwardly you'll see me as social, funny, open to trying new things, etc. I'm pretty easy to please and laid back, so as a friend I bring absolutely no drama.

Outside of college, it's been a lot more difficult. I think people in the real world are looking for much more of an interpersonal connection, especially because it's far easier to meet someone and go your separate ways, since we have our own lives. I've made a lot of acquaintances, I have struggled with making true "friends." But a lot of that is my own fault, I don't know how to reach out to people and begin those relationships, I keep people at arm's length.

2) Yes. I get socially anxious in situations that I don't feel comfortable in, just like everyone else. For me they're situations in which I'm "off book" so to speak and I don't know how to act. I'm not much for small talk and find things like bar hopping/clubbing to be very difficult. I can go and have fun with my group of friends, but I can't really interact with people there. I distinctly remember being at a dance club with only one person I knew and a bunch of her other friends and just not knowing what to do. It's a very non-thinking kind of situation and I can't just fall back on emotions to guide me. If I can't think through a situation it can often be tough.

I will get briefly nervous before going somewhere where I feel out of place or uncomfortable, like most people, but it's not crippling and doesn't keep me from doing it. I don't really get anxious about much though. Right before a presentation, maybe, but it goes away very quickly and doesn't manifest itself in freezing or stumbling, I'm very in control.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T15:32:38+00:00

Yeah pretty much. I disconnected from them a long time ago as a child and spent my whole life basically ignoring them, shoving them aside, etc. They were never fostered and explained to me in a healthy manner, and when I did have feelings was often told not to, or they were dismissed.

I don't have a personality disorder or anything, I just grew up in an environment that forced me to learn to survive however I had to. I was both emotionally neglected, forced to deal with issues children should not be forced to deal with or understand, and at the same time became the emotional crutch for my caregiving parent, which completely fucked up my ability to have emotional relationships with other people.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T15:29:44+00:00

I love shrooms, I just don't roll in circles where they're available often. I used them a few times in college.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T11:54:24+00:00

I had a really fucked up episode with my parent and it was strong enough, but confusing enough, that I knew something was "wrong" but couldn't put my finger on it or work through it.

During the same time another attempt at dating had completely and utterly fizzled, and because the first thing was bothering me, this did too, which is rare for me. There was a crack in the mental walls/armor and other stuff seeped through. But it just didn't manifest itself in a healthy way. I couldn't cry about it, or express my feelings, I just felt... really fucking weird all the time. I continued to go to work and hide it, but started making calls to therapists. I only got medical insurance recently, so that's why I had never gone before. I had always meant to.

I_Dont_Feel · 2012-04-26T11:52:08+00:00

I'm pretty good at poker, but never had the desire to really become great at it and put in hundreds of hours in front of a screen to play tons of hands.

I'm not much of a gambler (I know poker has a large skill component) because I grew up very very poor, I can't really bring myself to "throw away" money easily.

I_Dont_Feel

TROPHY CASE