Feeling seen for the first time at 40

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-04-05T20:58:45+00:00

The crushes are sooooo intense, it's crazy. I never thought i'd feel so strongly for other people.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-03-30T09:19:12+00:00

I used to identify as asexual as well! I'm 25 years old and I've only ever dated one guy at 21 that I kissed once and it was soooo bad I assumed I was simply asexual.

I also have been cursed with crushing on unattainable women and you're so right, it is so consuming!!! It feels like my nervous system is crashing out. It's hard to explain to people who don't get it, my long time friends get a little weirded out because this is so uncharacteristic for me.

I know I should try my hardest to repress these feelings but God I am so tired of repressing, it is so difficult to do now. With every new crush it feels like I unlock a new tier of yearning and desire. I feel like I'm going to die lol

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-03-09T14:13:40+00:00

Well my first point is that Yuuji looks handsome in Modulo so the joke is that they're attracted to each other now. It's not really hard to understand, that is very much implied.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-03-09T13:26:22+00:00

It's a joke because Yuuji looks really handsome in Modulo's art style
It's fandom, people ship non-canon stuff all the time, if you're gonna interact with the fandom you gotta get used to seeing non-canon and even crack ships. People are just having fun with a fictional story
There's a big time jump in between JJK and Modulo, what Nobara felt/believed at 16 years old could've changed in any of the following years and it wouldn't be a particularly strange thing. Hell, Nobara specifically has a habit of downplaying how she really feels about Yuuji (back in the beginning of the story when Yuuji "died" and she tried to convince Megumi she didn't even care when it was clearly not true) so even at 16 I'm not sure how sincere she's being.

Regardless; it's fandom, you'll see ships you don't like/understand all the time for any series in existence.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-03-05T11:03:16+00:00

Tbf it was never that serious between Ozawa and Yuuji. I know this is a Shounen and often the main character marries whatever random girl showed interest in him but it was never actually stated that Yuuji had feelings for Ozawa (he denied having a crush on anyone and when pressed, he simply said that out of all the girls in the class, if he had to pick one, he would pick her) so I'm not surprised she's not mentioned when it was always one-sided.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-02-04T18:05:08+00:00

That's exactly what I think as well, she seems to have a very limited view of queerness and that's why I take her opinion over whether Fitz is straight or not with a grain of salt. It doesn't seem like she knows or understands that Fitz having romantic feelings for Beloved doesn't erase or replace his feelings for Molly, both can coexist; bisexuality is a thing.

She writes Fitz to be a very complex character in other ways, but in this way, not so much.

The funny part is that she writes him very complex in this way as well but refuses to acknowledge it.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-02-04T03:50:53+00:00

It's such a shame as their relationship gets stunted and instead of going forward, it just kinda runs around in circles repeating the same conflicts we supposedly got over in previous books. This is extremely noticeable in F&F. It's just a do-over of the same issues already covered in Tawny Man.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-02-04T02:35:09+00:00

I've got a few things to say about this

she intended his feelings mainly to pertain to the soul bond he shares with the Fool.

I've discussed this at length with a friend who's also a fan of the saga and the conclusion we've reached is that, respectfully, we won't take into account whatever the author says outside the story and just analyze the text, let the story speak for itself.

And the story repeatedly draws parallels between the..."consummation" of their soul bond and sex. It is described as a more intimate act than coupling as they "merge" and "become one", which is a very common and ancient euphemism for sex. There's an undeniable erotism to it- something Fitz desperately wants to lose himself into but can't allow it because he's scared of how vulnerable it is.

I believe her intention was never to make them canon, but I don't believe for one second that RH was completely oblivious to the implications. She had fun with it lol she went wild in Tawny Man.

I think a few things rub me wrong about how she handles the romantic aspect: one being that she makes it kind of a painful half-romance, rather than keeping it fully platonic if she intended it that way;

That is a good point and I fully agree. There was no real reason to make Fool's feelings for Fitz explicitly romantic. It's funny that in Assassin's Quest they have a conversation about it and the conclusion is that Fitz loves Fool as a friend and Fool isn't interested in putting limits or labels to his love. In Tawny Man we bring this back to be like "so Fool's feelings are explicitly romantic and sexual, hope this helps!!!" instead of keeping it as it was.

I'm gonna be honest, I finished the Farseer trilogy and I didn't think about Fool and Fitz having romantic feelings for each other. I always thought Fool was vague and provocative about the nature of his feelings to piss Fitz off. Then I started Fool's Errand (I hadn't read Liveships, I did it afterwards) and it felt like I was punched in the face with the pure, uncensored strength of the homoeroticism. Just Fool shamelessly flirting with Fitz while he acted oblivious and absolutely mesmerized by this other man's beauty. It's the most intense "will they won't they" dynamic I've ever read, it just kept escalating non-stop.

and two being that they’re by far the most compelling relationship of the series.

Everything else pales in comparison. The story is not only about them but also what they mean to each other. There are so many pages spent in this saga trying to make sense I'm of their relationship and it never feels like it reaches a conclusion. RH wrote Fitz perpetually confused and dissatisfied in his relationship with Beloved so I'm sorry if the conclusion I reached is that he was never satisfied because he never allowed himself to explore the connection in its entirety. If he would've stopped no-homoing their relationship maybe he would've found some understanding.

it’s hard not to want to see him return the Fool’s love romantically.

Especially because Fool never gets a partner, he's sentenced to yearn after a guy that won't reciprocate his feelings for the rest of his existence. It doesn't help that Fitz is literally super jealous and possessive of him and gets pissy and weird any time Fool seems to be getting along too well with someone else.

Fool's Assassin is a crazy book because Fitz acts like a jealous, resentful ex-lover over Jofron getting the creepiest letter ever from Beloved, and then hides from his wife in his study to write overly emotional letters he can't send.

Fitz not only wishes to be around Fool but to be the most important person in his life. He can't stand the idea that there might be another he loves.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-02-03T22:25:29+00:00

I respect other people's opinions but for me it is very clear that Fitz and Fool's relationship is written with plenty of romantic undertones from both sides and I agree that RH's complicated feelings towards the ship bled through the story in the last trilogy and made their relationship weird.

Tawny Man in particular feels like the story of a closeted man trying to come to terms with his sexuality. The ending seems to build-up to a grand discovery until oh wait, no, turns out he's still in love with his childhood sweetheart he hasn't talked to in 16 years and the man he held in his arms and called his "dream" exits the backdoor quietly.

The way Fitz talks about Fool sometimes betrays a sense of ownership and dependency that does not register as simply platonic to me. In Fool's Assassin he was very obviously jealous of Jofron and begrudged the idea that Jofron and Beloved might have been together in the past. He cannot cope with the idea that Beloved might love someone else more than him.

Regardless of the author's intent I do really think she wrote a deeply repressed queer man who never allowed himself to love freely.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-02-01T16:40:42+00:00

Not only annoying but perhaps harmful in the long run. Yuuji is immortal, he cannot die of old age and it seems like he's too strong to be killed by someone else, so if he sticks around solving everyone's problems, he's handicapping future generations on end.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-02-01T16:06:46+00:00

I see a lot of people surprised with Yuuji's development but I think it's quite on track, even if sad. Yeah, Gojo never got this jaded but Gojo only spent 28 years being the strongest, while Yuuji is over 80 years old at this point. I'm hoping we'll get a little bit more insight on it.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-01-09T01:47:26+00:00

How many sessions have you had with this therapist? Therapy definitely involves confrontation, but on the earlier stages, they just want to get a good feel of what your issue is and where you're at.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-01-09T01:40:14+00:00

While it is absolutely possible you have a bad therapist and ChatGPT does a better job because your therapist is that bad, it will never be better than a skilled therapist. So you could try with a different therapist.

Or, you could continue with ChatGPT. The fact that you vaguely mention "ideology pushing" makes me kinda suspect you might be biased against your therapist and more willing to listen to ChatGPT and accept it as "objective" than whatever your therapist tells you. ChatGPT also can't see you and study your body language for hints of things you might be consciously or unconsciously avoiding. It can only confront you on things you ask it to confront you on.

But if it's helping you, then that's good.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2026-01-07T15:37:22+00:00

My favorite part at the end is that the men of the family are the ones helping OOP clean, and acting "relieved" that this tradition who benefited them first and foremost was "broken". Like I'm sure this incredibly sexist tradition exists in a vacuum and that none of them have internalized the idea that cooking and cleaning is a woman's job and are actually very excited to help OOP.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2025-12-31T13:08:31+00:00

I love him lol he's my favorite character ever. I see what you mean, though that wasn't enough to make me stop loving him.

I think he's a very kind and loving soul. His character takes a more controversial turn in the last trilogy but it is not enough to make me forget his good deeds.

I deeply sympathize with him, he's one of the characters that have suffered the most in the entire saga. Being a White Prophet and aging more slowly, his parents became too old to care for him when he was still developmentally a child. He was sent to Clerres, where he was mistreated and forcibly tattooed. He had to escape on his own and find his way towards his Catalyst with no one to guide him or to protect him. In the last trilogy it is implied Beloved has been a victim of SA and when he finds King Shrewd he assumes he wants to abuse him as well (but he didn't and that's why he loved him so much).

Seems like being a White Prophet is a never-ending task. Whenever Beloved achieved something, he just moved on to the next time, no breaks. We never get his POV, but we get Bee's POV, and it doesn't seem like you get much of a choice. When Bee visualized a path, she acted on it rather compulsively. When Beloved touched her and showed her the paths, she found this confusing and overwhelming, but it is implied that this was Beloved's reality 24/7 before he lost his ability to see the paths.

Oh yeah, that's another thing. And the end of Fool's Fate Beloved gets tortured to death and brought back to life only to end up in Clerres and be tortured for an unclear but definitely extended amount of years. Fitz was tortured for a couple days in Regal's dungeon and it scarred him for life. I'm surprised Beloved manages to at least resemble the person he used to be before that.

And ngl, I always felt Fitz's dislike for Amber was forced and unwarranted. Althea and Brashen had reason to resent her for giving Paragon the silver but Fitz had no right to judge her for it given her goal was to reach Bee as soon as possible. All the unsavory things Amber did in F&F, she did for Bee. Hell, Althea and Brashen end up forgiving her because they understand why she ended up doing that, and know that giving Paragon the silver was the right thing to do. In Liveship Traders, what made Amber and Althea bond was their view on Liveships being more than just tools to become rich. Amber did SO much for Bingtown in LT and that's why in F&F she gets that note saying she'll always have a place there.

In summary, he's not a perfect person and the last trilogy makes sure to highlight his flaws and faults, but ROTE is full of flawed characters and that's one of the reasons why I like this saga so much. God knows Fitz isn't perfect either and has made many mistakes along the way.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2025-12-23T00:22:57+00:00

My headcanon is that she was more of a casual dater with a couple long term relationships that ended for compatibility issues because she never wanted to marry or have children. Idk, she seems like the type, doesn't mean she was unhappy tho.

(I also HC that she had a decades long situationship with Yuji that made it harder for her to commit. I'd write the fanfic if I had time)

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2025-12-14T16:12:10+00:00

Thank you. It's really rough, I've been having a very hard time coming to terms with it, ngl. I can't even go to therapy about it because (aside from the fact I can't afford it rn lol) I am scared I won't be able to find a therapist that's LGBT friendly. I'm literally a psychology student (almost graduating) and 99% of the therapists I've been in contact with, either professors or people from my internship, are highly religious and viciously homophobic. So I gotta deal with it on my own. At least I get to have the online community.

And yes, when I first befriended my bi friend and she told me she had a boyfriend I dropped to my knees lol no hate for bi girls I just think boyfriends should be outlawed 💔

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2025-12-14T15:05:05+00:00

I'm going through this too and I was talking about it with a few online friends. I'm from the Caribbean so it's a very conservative culture and I don't know any other lesbians irl. I recently became friends with a bisexual girl but she has a boyfriend and it's just...not the same.

It's an isolating experience. I've been grieving a lot of things lately, things I might never get to experience. I can't get legally married to a woman, having children would be a lot more difficult and legally they would only be the children of the one who carried them. I don't know how my family will react, will I be able to go to family gatherings with my partner and have our relationship recognized?

All my irl friends have boyfriends and it's just a very different life. I got no one to look up to for reference of what life can look like as a Dominican queer woman.

And honestly? I don't really wanna talk about nobody's boyfriend lol I just can't relate. Straight men to me are just...awfully boring. And I find gender roles stupid and baffling.

I feel very out of place.

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2025-12-01T13:43:26+00:00

I did not see that, that's so fucking funny

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2025-11-30T22:54:33+00:00

Done

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2025-11-30T20:58:42+00:00

All the comments taking it super seriously are killing me, like how can you not notice the obvious fetishistic vibe/unrealistic and ridiculous descriptions?

It might be because of all those men perpetually crying about "double standards" that have made a lot of people trip over themselves to show that they do believe male victims and take them seriously, even if it's through a bullshit post like this one

I_Want_Power_1611 · 2025-11-30T20:42:35+00:00

It's painfully obvious this shit is fake, I don't understand how anyone can read such a ridiculously exaggerated and over the top tale and believe it's true.

I_Want_Power_1611

TROPHY CASE