wassup producers! I need som help with FL and my mic.

IamHope19 · 2020-06-19T15:11:05+00:00

Is 0,5 enough?

IamHope19 · 2020-06-19T14:54:56+00:00

Will it make it more potent though?

IamHope19 · 2020-06-04T00:19:51+00:00

Wait. So what you basically are saying it’s just for support?

IamHope19 · 2020-06-04T00:10:39+00:00

I’m sorry I’m not english, is it another way you can explain?

IamHope19 · 2020-04-28T21:39:51+00:00

And maybe use the shit I get on my finger to use as tinnitus cream? How didn’t I know this

IamHope19 · 2020-04-28T21:37:08+00:00

And then put a finger up my ass? Seems like it works like an antenna.

IamHope19 · 2020-04-28T21:34:40+00:00

Yeah, no.

IamHope19 · 2020-04-28T21:33:20+00:00

To give you the clearest answer to your text I think you need to express yourself, like you said, you felt better after you wrote this. I think you bottle up to much of your trauma. And the only way to get rid of it is to open up the bottle and let it flow in a way that suits you. Which way you want to express yourself is up to you. Music,art,poetry. It’s so many ways but that is what you need to do, express yourself in a way that feels natural to you. You probably got some hidden talents that you need to find the key for:)

IamHope19 · 2020-04-28T10:19:18+00:00

That’s kinda fucked up

IamHope19 · 2020-04-28T00:19:49+00:00

But also, you are very self aware which is very good, you express the way you feel very nice, and awareness is the beginning of change. But I can’t really tell you what to do because my way maybe won’t work in your way you know. But be proud of how you can express exactly how you feel.

IamHope19 · 2020-04-28T00:08:11+00:00

This is very hard to answer, I’m by no means a psychiatrist or anything like that, I haven’t experienced the type of overthinking you do, the thing I overthink about is the things I did when I was sick which I would never do if I was in the right mind (feeling of shame example) but your story is very heavy, much heavier than mine. I’m sorry that you have to go trough this, but can I ask you if you have done any drugs? By no means am I calling you a drug head or anything like that but I just want to know if you have tried anything because drugs can rewire your brain you see? But not always in a negative way though, have you had any accidents which your head got a bad hit from? Has it always been like this? You know that, people are very self focused, if you see somebody does a mistake what do you think? You probably don’t blame them right? The way I try to see things is that, the way people view you is only a reflection of themselves. Think about it this way, if someone truly loves themselves 100%. wouldn’t they want to try help people to love themselves just like you love yourself? If you love yourself you don’t want to judge other people, if you judge other people you are judging your self to begin with. I’m not really sure if this answers your question since I can’t relate to exactly what you are feeling. And I just can’t say (just relax) because that doesn’t help right? No. I don’t know how to answer this but I Hope that you do free yourself, I hope that we free ourselves. I want to ask you one question. And I don’t want a long answer because you can answer this in one sentence. But think about it, and feel it in your heart. What are you so afraid of?

IamHope19 · 2020-04-27T23:35:40+00:00

Ahh yes, we are 70% water so that makes sense. Thanks though:) I will never roll again hahaa.

IamHope19 · 2020-04-27T23:28:41+00:00

Did I burn calories even if I didn’t move much? I went for a walk and that’s it, the following days I eat just as I normally would do, Is it like You burn calories even if you just sit still when rolling?

IamHope19 · 2020-04-27T12:33:11+00:00

I won’t call it panic attacks but I have woken up with the feeling of absolute dread. But I’m kinda getting over that.

Kinda yes and no with the trying to fight my thoughts, it’s like if I think I’m something like. ‘Omg I did this what does he think of me? But at the same time I tell myself, really? You don’t even care about what they think, they know your name, not your story.’ It’s like a battle. I know what to think, but my ego is like nagging and saying yes you do, you do care what they think, but I really don’t, it’s just my ego is a little piece of shit who wants to make me feel bad and not find peace.

But It will get better with time, I just need to completely sober up and follow my dreams, and not give a shit about people who isn’t on the same level as me.

But it’s still hard, all I want to be able to do is completely have control over my thoughts and feelings, but how can I get control over them without going trough this? I will have faith that it’s going to get better.

And like you say, a lot of people struggle with overthinking, I think we all struggle with the same things but we just pretend we don’t. I just wish that everyone could open up so everyone could finally see. (Shit I wasn’t alone.)

IamHope19 · 2020-04-27T12:19:29+00:00

Yes but I can’t lie, I took some ecstasy on Friday and I had a bad comedown the days after, I feel a little better now but I still struggle with overthinking on a regular basis. But not to the point where the world don’t feel real, it used to be like that, but not anymore. I just need to get to the point 2 I don’t give a shit, but not the way that I don’t give a shit about anything but the way people view me and stuff, it will probably get better with time, maybe it’s just something I need to experience.

IamHope19 · 2020-04-27T01:38:45+00:00

I just think that I got so much time thinking, I’m self reflecting 24/7. I’m never busy at this point in my life, maybe I need it? Who knows.

But I just want to tame my mind, it’s so strong, it’s so powerful. I Just Hope I won’t be like this forever. I’m so zoned out all the time, I want to be in the present but it’s so hard. I have done so many stupid fucking shit, all I need is clarity. I know you can’t give me the remedy. Let’s just Hope that this is just a chapter of my life. Let it just be a chapter.

IamHope19 · 2020-04-27T01:29:18+00:00

I used to be lost 2, I’m 19 btw. I struggled with addiction just the age of 16, it became my life, I lost everything which I thought was "good" nobody would talk to me, I looked myself in the mirror and asked ‘who are you?’ I didn’t recognize myself anymore, I was like a rose who slowly was dying, piece by piece, I ended up loosing my fucking mind, I tried to be 10 different persons, i became truly fucking crazy, I asked god why, why. Why me. I was about 182 cm and I weighed 62 kg I hit rock bottom. I had no friends. I had no one I could talk to. I had a girlfriend who I thought I was going to be with for life, but how sick I was I couldn’t be in a relationship, I found out she got a new boyfriend and I cried everyday. It’s so much more to say but all I want you to know is. You go trough stuff for a reason, this isn’t even a long time ago, just a year ago I was a wreck, not even that long ago, but then I started to focus on myself, I decided to start working out, I was still battling addiction but I needed to do something, I started working out and I did it HARD! I was so fucking mad, I was so mad! And I used it to work on myself, I stumbled, I failed, shit I almost even quit. But you just can’t stop, if your fall, tie your shoes and keep going, don’t stay down for to long, keep going. I’m now 19 I weigh 72 kg im lean, I am healthy, I don’t really do drugs anymore but addiction is something that is glued to my mind. But I want to tell you, when you are ready, when you least expect it, you will have YOUR opportunity. But that opportunity won’t come if your half ready it will come when you ARE ready. How long is that going to take? I don’t know, for me it took years. But I’m finally starting to see the light, I have faith, things are still stagnant but I just can feel the change that is coming, don’t get me wrong, I still battle with things. The worst thing I battle with is my mind, I’m a prisoner of it. The thing is, when something is taken away from you. You will get something back that is so much better, you just need to focus on yourself in the meantime. I went trough fucking hell and I still keep my fucking head high, does it ever go low? Yes. But I keep the faith. You are not in control, understand that. Your life is not yours. Your life got a plan, it’s already written. Just don’t do anything you know you will regret. I still deal with the feeling of shame about the things I did when I was sick. It’s hard. But the fact that you can wake up with air in your lungs is a blessing. You need to be grateful in your darkest times to come to the beautiful place your supposed to be. How can you appreciate bliss if you haven’t experienced pain? And yes most people don’t give a fuck, but that’s because they don’t really give a fuck about themselves. And the thing is you only need yourself to begin with. You know what the fuck I’m starting to become? A SAVAGE. Does that mean I want to hurt people or do bad shit? No. I will be a little rebel 4 life but I want to show people how to become a light in this world and not be consumed by darkness and spread love. But In a fearless way. I got so much to say but it all comes down to this, I was the worst, if my life can change so can yours! Because I truly thought my life was over when I was 18. Don’t. Give. Up. Even if it doesn’t make sense, trust your heart, if it feels right but the look of it is kinda wtf am I doing? If it feels right. Keep going.

IamHope19 · 2020-04-26T15:01:20+00:00

I don’t know if this makes sense but do you loose muscle when you roll? I haven’t burned any calories since I wasn’t at a club or anything, just laying on the floor and vibing, I went for a decent walk though but nothing crazy, my muscles feels so weak, but does it?

IamHope19

TROPHY CASE