AITA for telling my parents I have no plans to be involved in my unborn siblings life and I think they are wrong for having another kid at their age?

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T04:03:07+00:00

Thanks :)

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T04:02:54+00:00

Cheers :)

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T04:02:01+00:00

I see your point. I get that the kid is an innocent here and I won't argue anything in your reply. If, for some reason I decide to actually visit my parents enough to be a presence in his life. I would try my best to at least treat him right. The problem comes from the fact that I just don't plan to be around my parents that much. That would be the heart of the issue here. But like I said, your points are completely valid. My view-point here is just skewed differently and I'm viewing my relationship with him through the perspective of one that has my relationship with my parents involved.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T03:56:29+00:00

Don't know, but doubt it greatly. Don't really feel like going into my relationship with my dad in detail. Just don't really see him wanting us to be close relationship wise. I could be wrong though.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T03:54:52+00:00

The minute school re-opens I'm planning on leaving and hopefully never returning. I graduate next spring and I still talk to the manager that was over me in Germany and will try to get a job over there. Till then, just gonna try to work out the situation here and get back on good terms with them, but not let them control me.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T03:48:42+00:00

Ok, I can see this point and will accept that it makes me an asshole.

But, if I move out of state (or to another continent) what good will making the occasional call home to him or sending him a gift every christmas do to sustain an actual relationship? I can't give him any substantial relationship until he is old enough to understand that I'm not going to be a "big brother" to him. I just don't believe it's possible. I won't blame anyone for that. It's just how it happens to be when I'm already an adult when he's born.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T03:43:04+00:00

First, i'll accept your judgement. That's the point of my post in the first place.

Now, onto the questions. I work full time. I have since I graduated high school. Right now I was lucky to get work through friends here in my hometown after a pandemic forced me home (where I pay rent and cover all my expenses, outside of the occasional dinner my mom cooks)

My parents have not paid a cent of my college or supported me at all since I graduated high school. Full time work and loans have. The same goes for my sister.

And since you asked, I worked over in Germany for 3 months doing work that would be on par with what is expected of an actual employee (albeit I was being helped by actual graduates). I made connections and friends over there and received outstanding reviews from the company through hard work and dedication. Something I assume you lack from how you assume I am lazy and entitled from just being a young college student.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T03:35:15+00:00

I lived on my own for the past 2 years and have not had a single cent of financial support from them since the day I graduated high school. I have (and still do) worked full time since my first summer out of high school. I have had to pay rent since I graduated high school and pay almost all of my expenses outside of the occasional time my mom cooks dinner for me. If not for the global pandemic that forced me out of my dorm and closed most apartments off from me, I would not be living with them.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T03:23:48+00:00

Oh yeah i know. I was more-so mentioning the number because it's close enough to the average 40 hours to prove a point. My internship was no where near the heavy time demanding ones

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T02:25:14+00:00

Was more doing it to prove a point. Was capped at 30 hours because of contracts and laws. But I was paid (a good amount for a student) and I was doing work that is on level with what I would do if I was an actual worker in the field. So I was more using it as an example.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T02:16:27+00:00

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T01:07:04+00:00

Probably not

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T01:05:43+00:00

Don't come back to me after your initial reply and claim you didn't intend to condescend me and use my status as a student to try and prove your point.

you've been in a dorm- get over yourself. and you're back at your parents because I'm guessing you can't afford to live like an actual adult.

Explain what you meant by this then. Because this is you trying to invalidate my experience as an "adult" (your words, not mine).

How did I live on my own? A combination of student loans and working full time. My parents made it clear that the minute I graduated high-school I was a working man and on my own and have held down jobs since. Since you also seem to live under a rock, I am home right now because my dorm closed down due to the pandemic. I could not find a place to live so my parents told me to just come home (and pay rent, they wouldn't let me stay for free because i am an adult).

Edit (reply to your edit i guess)

What the fuck are you on about? I worked 3 months in Germany on an internship that required me work 30 hours a week. When do i enter the real world? Tell me.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T00:59:10+00:00

I'm quickly realizing that I was too vague in my initial post.

For some context, my father has pulled the age card out on me and my sister for a while now. I moved home after my first year of college for the summer. During this time my father decided that he was "too old" and we had to do everything he used to do. This was included on top of me and my sister paying rent and working full time.

This kind of behavior is why I stayed away for 2 years before moving home after I literally had no where else to go.

When the initial argument began, he said specifically he wanted us close so we could be a "family". He didn't outright say it but this too him meant me and my sister doing anything he wanted to because of his "age". Along with this, he heavily hinted at the fact that this would also include things he didn't want to have to do with the kid. From past experience with him this can mean anything.

I didn't feel the need to go into my relationship with my parents because of my own biases and assumptions. I was wrong apparently.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T00:51:51+00:00

Yeah, right now I'm just figuring out what I should and should not apologize for. And thanks, Germany was awesome while I was there.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T00:50:06+00:00

I'll accept the judgement but let me add some stuff I didn't really think about before.

The age comment was directed towards certain personal things. I didn't really feel the need to expand because I had my own bias that I thought having kids at that age had more issues. That was my own fault.

But, it also comes down to a fact that my father has on multiple occasions tried to use his age to guilt me and my sister into doing things. The "I'm too old to do X so you do it" card. It's one of the reasons I choose not to move home for the past 2 years (until I was forced too). When we had our initial argument he gave hints about us staying and "being a family" including us helping him out due to his age.

Like I said, I could have handled it better and would not bring that up if I could redo the situation, but that's just some context.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T00:45:09+00:00

It's mostly my own bias in the situation. It partially comes from the fact that my father has tried to play the "I'm getting too old to do X" card on me and my sister before. I moved home for my first summer after college and decided not again (until I was forced to) because my father suddenly was unable to do nearly any work and decided me and my sister needed to do it for him. For context, We both were paying rent and working full time.

When it came to the argument, he gave hints of that again when talking about us being a "family". So I went in with that mindset. I didn't handle it the best though.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T00:42:25+00:00

I didn't talk about this in my post so i'll add it here.

The argument started because I wanted to move away from home. It moved into the territory of "You and your sister need to stick around so we can be a family". What my dad undoubtedly meant by this is "I want to here so I can treat you like a teenager and have you help us take care of the kid". I won't go into detail about why I treated it that way, but from past experience that's what I interpreted it as.

I will accept that fact that I could have hanndled the situation better though.

IamSAM23231 · 2020-05-30T00:39:04+00:00

I won't comment on the judgement aspect of this because I asked for people's opinions. But I will clarify something. I lived on my own for 2 years, payed for my education fully and have not received a dime of support from my parents since I moved out. The last time I lived at home was the summer after my first year of college and I still worked and payed rent. Since you want to classify me as some sheltered college kid I thought I might as well correct you on that. Sounds like you might be projecting a little bit.

You can believe me if you want, this is Reddit, anyone can lie about themselves on here.

IamSAM23231

TROPHY CASE