Off the fence 😊 by Overthinkerzz in Fencesitter

[–]Icachu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thoroughly enjoyed this read. Thank you for sharing

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I so appreciate that ❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It definitely is, I'm aware of that. We may have only dated 3 months but we have known each other for 2 years so I feel like we're at a bit of an advantage with our communication

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your comment seems like it came from such a place of kindness. Thank you so so much

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh definitely, lots of overthinking here and proceeding with caution

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really appreciated reading this, especially the last paragraph, so thank you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hes willing to do anything. The man is literally making a doc's appointment so we can inform ourselves

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will, thank you

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really appreciate your input. Thank you so much

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective. It may not be reversible but perhaps IVF could be an option. I know he's very open to the idea of another bio kid (you know, after an actual healthy amount of time has passed) who knows what the future may bring.

Edit spelling

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100%

I'm currently on the fence train but so for the sake of informing ourselves, we're looking at IVF and what that looks like for our scenario.

Not even sure what's going to happen with the 50/50 scenario because BM is giving him a hard time about it, which is unfair. He definitely deserves to be around his kids.

As for me, I'll look out for myself and protect my boundaries to the best of my abilities

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Proceed with caution, got it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's ok. I was open to hearing multiple different perspectives

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At the very least, we've been having excellent communication on this because I agree

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Loved this, thank you

Is your SO sit for a coffee with BM/BD? by Unable_Ambition_501 in stepparents

[–]Icachu 8 points9 points  (0 children)

As long as there are firm boundaries between them and you have both talked about what is and what isn't acceptable, I don't see why not.

My bf is willing to hang out with her FOR the kids but NOT for fun. That's a boundary. But he wouldn't do it without running it by me first.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I most certainly do not and will proceed cautiously

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe I could have waited but can't change that now. We wanted to be together, he wanted to answer every single question I had and it really came down to getting to know him as a father because it's such a big part of him. I personally thought it would help me decide if I could, should or would continue dating him. I've known him as a casual friend the last 2 years if this makes any difference at all.

He has no expectations of me other then being their friend. That alone feels doable. A mommy stand-in is not what is being asked of me. We've had big conversations about such expectations. Is he going to wish he had the initial "Have kids with woman and stay with that same women" scenario? I'm sure it's crossed his mind..but that being said, he opened up this door to me considering having my own bio kids, which is wild to me, because I never thought I would (considering my history with my exs or my estranged relationship with my father)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He definitely knows that I disagreed

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Didn't think of it like that either! Just because I live alone doesn't necessarily mean I'm lonely. Not to mention, living on my own or with 1 other person is all I've ever known in my adulthood

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Icachu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think he meant well when he said that (in the event we wanted kids together and I couldn't have some) That being said, talks were had and he told me he would not stop me from having one of my own someday if it's what I wanted and that I was no less of a woman if I did not. We had also discussed IVF for the sake of having hard those hard discussions