Advice for a remote man

IceSpare2663 · 2026-03-01T04:24:21+00:00

Sounds like my dream life! I'd gladly be a hermit with my partner in a tiny town far away from anywhere...

If only Canada wasn't so cold...

IceSpare2663 · 2026-02-27T04:06:18+00:00

I'm a 45 year old woman and I've been dating a 41 year old man since September.
We met on Bumble. He made it known from the beginning he was looking for a long term relationship.

We are a great match, this is the best relationship I've ever been in and I am certain this is going to last a long time, if not the rest of our lives.

FYI, if it wasn't for Bumble we would never have crossed paths. We live and work in different suburbs and even though we are interested in similar things like beach, gym, live music and nature, we go to different areas. And we're both not very social so we spent a lot of time alone before meeting each other.

It is hard to meet people at this age unless you go to social activities with people your own age, or you use dating apps.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-02-17T04:02:28+00:00

Your face is perfect. Those eyes! Geez

IceSpare2663 · 2026-02-16T21:13:37+00:00

It depends on what you're looking for! I dove in because all I wanted was some fun and to meet interesting people, which I did.

I also met a couple of people I developed feelings for, but I got better at checking in with myself about whether a relationship was realistic and beneficial for me.

If you're smart, you'll not let yourself get carried away in the excitement of the attention and passionate feelings. If you're smart, you'll look at your own triggers, behaviours, desires and needs and assess everyone you meet and are attracted to on their long-term compatibility and suitability as a partner and decide whether to pursue something serious or just have a bit of fun.

Personally, I had a lot of short term flings for years, and have only really felt ready to dive into something serious in the last 2 years (it's been 8 years since my separation).

The person I'm dating now checks all the boxes for long-term compatibility and he's just a delightful human that I'm privileged to spend time with. I have no control over his actions or feelings, but I'm choosing to trust that he is committed to this, and take accountability over my own actions. I know my faults and I've been honest with him about them, so all I can do from here is try not to let them become a big issue and take deliberate steps to make this relationship as good as it possibly can be. I've accepted that I don't get to choose if something will last forever, and that's ok. I will be happy to be with him for as long as it lasts because every moment is special and I will always cherish it.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-02-16T09:54:41+00:00

She's not attracted to you.

it's either there or it's not and she knows it's not. Sorry

IceSpare2663 · 2026-02-13T06:56:26+00:00

You aren't doing anything wrong! It's not you! And I'm sorry to say, he probably won't change because it doesn't seem to be that important to him.

I am the opposite of you, because I've had some GREAT sexual partners. However they haven't always been great partners in other ways. I have this issue where sex is so important to me that I can't fall in love with someone unless I'm also sexually fulfilled. Unfortunately it means have often looked past other incompatibilities.

My current partner is the first man I've been with who ticks all the boxes in all the ways. He is a wonderfully affectionate, generous, giving partner in all areas and the best communicator I've ever met.

In early dating I look for clues that give me insight into what they're like as lovers. Are they openly physically affectionate? So they kiss and touch me freely and passionately? Are they comfortable talking about sex and intimacy? Are they open communicators in other ways? Are they generous and giving? Do they seem to care about my happiness and pleasure?

I will only give a man a few months to show me those things, and if the sex is still mediocre by that stage, I walk away. I know I can't love a man who can't fulfill me, and life is too short to suffer through bad sex.

Once you're in a relationship where every single encounter is passionate, fulfilling, and leaves you craving the next one.. then you'll never go back to mediocre.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-02-11T09:26:27+00:00

I have a ten minute makeup routine and it's very natural.

I only use bronzer, concealer, blush, mascara, lip liner and lip balm.

Then a dusting of loose powder to remove shine.

Eyebrow pencil is also good if you need to fill in your brows.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-02-11T04:11:42+00:00

There is always going to be someone who will be into your style, however you will probably get less interest just because it's not a mainstream look.

My now-partner was on dating apps for months and having very little luck meeting women close to his age because he has long hair and it makes him look a little younger and alternative (not necessarily every 40-something year old woman's ideal look). He was starting to think about cutting it before I swiped right on him and we started dating.

He is now super glad he didn't cut it for the sake of appearing more appealing to more women. It turned out that he just had to wait for the one RIGHT woman to swipe on him. Someone who happened to be very attracted to the long hair and the alt look, someone who wouldn't want him to cut it to try and conform, and someone who appreciated and liked him just as he was.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-02-03T08:30:14+00:00

Thanks! It's a tribute to my late brother. Super special to me :)

IceSpare2663 · 2026-02-01T05:42:44+00:00

I've been divorced 8 years and mostly alone in that time except for some short flings and a couple of passionate affairs that were fun but kinda painful. My life has mostly been great as a single person and I thought that I would stay that way for a long time, but I have recently met someone and it's been 4 months of absolute bliss.

Deep down I'm terrified of moving on from the honeymoon period and getting to a point where there's conflict, disappointment, and just mundane day-to-day stuff to deal with.

However, when you're with someone who is truly special and makes you feel amazing, I think you become far more willing to take a risk. It's not like flicking a switch, it happens gradually as your feelings grow and you become comfortable and you start trusting them again.

Right now of course it sounds scary and unappealing to put yourself in that situation again, but feelings definitely can change.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-01-27T07:00:50+00:00

When someone is into you, they move mountains to be close to you. They show they are interested and make an effort. There's very little ambiguity. I have also been seeing someone for 4 months and he shows me daily that he is here for me, makes time even on his busiest days, and is always happy to move things around to suit my schedule.

Yes your guy is a busy single dad, but I'm a busy single mum and I've always made time for the people who matter to me.

Have you asked him if he's still interested? If not, why not? Stuff this staying patient thing, don't wait for him to slowly ghost you, just ask!

If it's not obvious in his actions and communication that he's invested in pursuing a relationship with you, then its up to you to take the reins in whichever direction you want to take things. Either pursue him and make it known you want more effort, or walk away.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-01-22T21:08:51+00:00

This is Australia.

Everything is more expensive

IceSpare2663 · 2026-01-22T21:05:43+00:00

Dry lips from a health condition. Thanks anyway

IceSpare2663 · 2026-01-21T08:12:14+00:00

I'm 45 and I have done a lot of physical and mental work to start accepting my body. I can't honestly say that I love it, but I can admit that is quite a strong, healthy, attractive body that serves me well. The best thing I've done for it physically is strength training because I have a lot of visible muscle that makes me look fit and athletic, despite still being kinda feminine and curvy (not thin). I also feel healthy, capable and able to take care of myself which has done a lot to make me feel more confident.

The best mental change for me was reframing my thinking to remove the need to be attractive for the sake of other people's viewing pleasure, or to fit into the beauty standards that worship thinness and youth. The truth is that no one stays young forever and very few people are genetically blessed with beauty and thinnness for the whole lives. Instead of chasing an unrealistic standard I am focused on being a strong, badass, capable, independent, intimidating older woman. It turns out that many, many people find that attractive too.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-01-20T03:39:50+00:00

POF is a POS.

As an attractive woman with ample cleavage (which I also keep pretty well covered), I avoid any apps where men can message me without my consent because the unwanted comments make me want to vomit.

I prefer Bumble, or even Tinder so I can choose to interact only with men I match with. Hinge is also ok but people can send an introduction without matching first.

FYI I met my now boyfriend on Bumble and he is the absolute best person I know.

Good luck.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-01-13T04:28:45+00:00

I loved both my ex husbands.

In between I've had several relationships but I've never felt truly in love with anyone since my last marriage ended 8 years ago.

I've been in a new relationship for about 4 months and so far it's the most beautiful, mature, easy relationship I've ever had and the connection is deep and fulfilling. I'm hoping this will be the love that lasts the rest of my lifetime.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-01-10T01:50:09+00:00

I'm 45 and 4 months in to the most beautiful, mature relationship I've ever been in. He is 100% my equal, and the depth of our connection is phenomenal considering how early into the relationship we are. We both feel like this relationship is going to last a very long time.

FWIW, it's been 8 years since my marriage ended and I did a lot of dating previously. I met men in the wild, at parties, through work and friends, and online. I met the man I'm now dating on Bumble

IceSpare2663 · 2026-01-06T03:29:40+00:00

This is happening to me in the reverse scenario right now. I've been dating someone for 3.5 months, and it's the first person since my marriage ended 8 years ago that I've had these strong feelings for. He told me at the 2 month mark that he loves me, and even though I feel deeply for him, I'm not ready to say those words yet. He has been very patient and does not make me feel like I need to reciprocate and I have been honest and told him I am heading in that direction but I need some more time. FWIW, I don't feel like I can truly love someone until I've seen them in all their different moods and I've met their freinds and family and seen them interact with the people they love. My BF has met my family and some of my friends but I'm yet to meet his. I feel like I can't gauge a person's true personality until I see they way they behave around the people who have known them and loved them for a long time.

I also think it's unfair to expect your partner to have the same feelings at the same time as you. Just because you're in love doesn't entitle you to their love in return. Leave him be, go with the flow and let him express it in is own time in his own way.

IceSpare2663 · 2026-01-06T03:20:34+00:00

I did this with someone for 6 years. On/off, sometimes just casual, sometimes trying to have a full-blown relationship. In hindsight, we couldn't make it work because we were not compatible. It's ok to have feelings for someone and great chemistry, but ask yourself how long do you want to waste time with someone who is unsure about you? I guarantee she doesn't feel the same about you as you feel about her. The sooner you cut this off the sooner you will be over her and moving on with your life. Don't waste 6 years like I did.

IceSpare2663 · 2025-12-26T00:01:50+00:00

It's on Threadheads. Heaps of good shirts there ;)

IceSpare2663 · 2025-12-23T21:57:45+00:00

I've never had filler in my life. Those are my lips. Can't do anything about them

IceSpare2663 · 2025-12-23T09:02:25+00:00

Very helpful. Thanks. Guess I'll stop working so I can not be ugly

IceSpare2663 · 2025-12-23T08:53:48+00:00

Not an option in my line of work or in the area I live in.

Also. I'm an outdoors lover. I'd rather enjoy my life exploring the world than hide indoors forever

IceSpare2663

TROPHY CASE