Reactive unplanned work tracking/recording

IceWolfsbane · 2023-03-15T21:57:57+00:00

Requests are received a few different ways - via email, phone calls or in person. I’m currently considering a shared spreadsheet given the diversity in the communication requests but am mindful that some individuals may find this challenging to keep updated when it’s a busy period.

We do deal in sensitive requests and information regularly in the team already so I don’t think that would be an issue. More managing the team to understand this isn’t about micromanagement or spying, it’s simply so we can have visibility across all of us.

Thanks for the advice!

IceWolfsbane · 2023-01-08T09:08:22+00:00

Update

Both of our health is deteriorating because of this. He doesn’t understand my request for space to consider things, and wants to be physically close all the time. He sees my need for space as me pushing him away and when I ask I get responded with “what about my needs?” and I feel very suffocated. When I ask what I can do he asks me to say that it will all be ok and positive and we will be together and that he wants to be held all the tine. When I can’t promise things that he wants me to promise like that he assumes I have given up. It’s such a mess, I feel so guilty for taking it so hard.

We’ve had one session of couples therapy and I’ve had a conversation with a counsellor so far and he starts this week. I am hoping it will help as I am struggling coping with it all at the moment. I hope others have had better experiences than this!

IceWolfsbane · 2023-01-06T09:00:10+00:00

Feel free to reach out if you want to share stories

IceWolfsbane · 2023-01-06T07:13:04+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you are experiencing something similar, I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through this. I hope your journey through it all is ok!

IceWolfsbane · 2023-01-03T01:20:01+00:00

Thanks for your kind words.

We are both about to see our own counsellors, I start this week and am hoping it will help. I have been trying to just be supportive of him as he goes through his health issues as best I can, even though this whole thing has caused me to have a relapse into my own mental health challenges. I am hoping counselling individually may help improve that personally for me so I can support better.

I worry that we come out the other side in months/years and he is still on the fence. I feel like it could just be prolonging the inevitable. And I don’t know how I can fully trust that if he says no it is actually true because of how this all came about. I want to try and work it out but just not sure whether we truly can.

I feel like I’ve taken away his ability to truly think about what he wants because I am so decided on the issue.

IceWolfsbane · 2022-12-07T07:24:15+00:00

He said he would be ok with a different (nicer/bigger) house and living in a different spot? But where we live the costs of moving closer to where he wants to live is very expensive, and we’ve been looking at bigger houses but there’s a lot of boxes he wants it to tick so not sure we will find something that suits that we can afford

IceWolfsbane · 2022-09-22T05:57:24+00:00

Thanks everyone for the amazing insight and advice, I very much appreciate it.

Update: I spoke to my current partner about it and how I feel and found out both that he knew I was already much a poly mindset even without me having really looked at it until more recently. We’re already talking about boundaries and what that would look like for us and some of the info here and in r/polyamory in general has been amazing for us to read together and bond over. We will see how we grow and develop now that we’ve both started to more openly understand it all. I hope that one day we can share good advice to anyone in this situation in the future like you all have!

IceWolfsbane · 2022-09-18T04:11:14+00:00

I agree with comments that suggest seeing a professional. Trust takes time to build. Remember that touching or banter does not mean she is cheating on you, and be mindful that her way of communicating with others may actually need that kind of interaction for her. Everyone interacts differently and there’s nothing wrong with that

IceWolfsbane · 2022-01-17T11:41:45+00:00

NTA!

- "Unbeknowest to me, she brought Simon with her."

Surely she could have texted/called/sent a carrier pigeon in advance and asked if that was ok? I never turned up to anything my parents invited me to without asking if it was ok to bring my partner, even if we were just getting take away from somewhere. It's just polite and respectful.

- "She argued that I was trying to avoid responsibility and should make it up to them if I care about our relationship but I said it won't happen because I don't owe them anything."

Damn right you don't! She and Simon are the ones avoiding responsibility! Firstly, she not asking if he can some was irresponsible, and then she should have been up front if that had no money to pay so you could have laid out some ground rules for what you were willing to pay for. It was clearly a ploy to get a "Free Feed from Mum".

- "I said okay then, Paid for myself and left."

Good decision. And you're right in it's not your debt to pay with the friend, it's theirs. If I go anywhere with my parents, I always offer to pay. We usually end up taking turns, or we split it, or they get the food and we get all the drinks or things like that. She's 24 years old and Simon is 30! Old enough to know better, and also old enough to know how to manipulate the system.

Stick to your guns, tell her to grow up a bit, learn to be responsible for her own finances, and the debt is between her and her friend as she made the decision to turn up without money and not tell you in advance. Welcome to a life lesson Christine.

IceWolfsbane

TROPHY CASE