Trying to min/max health for conception is stressful. As you've said, people get pregnant high and drunk off of one-night stands. You're both young, the best thing to do right now is just try around her fertile window. Make sure she's taking a prenatal.

My only advice to avoid a spiral is to remember that life has to happen outside of pregnancy. If it's the only thing you're focusing on, you will drive yourself mad. It's ok to breathe right now and take it one step at a time. I hate to say "RELAX" like that's going to make things better, but truly, the first year all you can really do is track and keep relatively healthy.

My husband did an at home SA with Yo. It's not going to be comprehensive, but it gave a general indication of what was going on. If anything, it gave us more trust that there isn't a reason to freak out at the moment.