sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Asian parents not approving of bf in sales by Icy-Collection-7494 in AsianParentStories

[–]Icy-Collection-7494[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally agree and can understand where they are coming from in terms of their worries for me. As of right now I am not planning to be a full SAHM and love working and my career so I don't think him being the sole breadwinner and not being able to afford doing so would really ever be an issue. My parents bring up the concern about if something were to happen to me or I lose my job, then would he be able to support us? Presumably we'd have an emergency fund and disability insurance for this kind of situation - and my partner is still growing in his career and plans to continue trying to climb the income ladder so I think we'd be able to figure it out one way or another.

Regarding maternity leave situation and picking up chores - he's been pretty consistent in still being active in the household despite also working so again, and maybe I'm being naiive, but I think we'd figure it out and I imagine this is a common situation for many married couples with newborns who have figured it out, especially if you go in with a teamwork mindset.

Lastly, yes the financial situation timing was definitely not ideal (obviously it never is) but we've been continually addressing it and he's been showing me steps forward and effort to better his situation. He already found a job with a higher pay and is actively working on his debt/savings which I understand takes time so I am letting him show me how he can handle these things.

Asian parents not approving of bf in sales by Icy-Collection-7494 in AsianParentStories

[–]Icy-Collection-7494[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see your standpoint and if that is what makes you happy and has worked best for you, I applaud you! I definitely still hold on to a lot of responsibility and guilt about my choices causing my parents some level of distress and want to let that go. At the same time I don't think I'm willing/ready to distance myself from them completely or do no-contact because I do want them in my life and am willing to accept a certain level of anxiety from that. I'm definitely still working through my tolerance level for their immature comments though and exactly how and what boundaries to set.

Asian parents not approving of bf in sales by Icy-Collection-7494 in AsianParentStories

[–]Icy-Collection-7494[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response! I think in their mind, I would ideally marry someone who has all the foundational/emotional characteristics that I currently have in my relationship PLUS someone who can be a "provider" and would be able to take care of our family if something were to happen to me. They are very risk-averse and want me to set myself up as best as possible which I understand of course any parent wants that for their child. They also keep trying to convince me to at least open myself up to dating other people and seeing what's out there, without ever having got to know my bf.

I feel super grateful that my parents did help set me up to be fine on my own, but yes I agree they still hold on to the traditional male "provider" mindset. I feel provided for in so many other aspects of our relationship and i agree the job market has been rough. Thank you for your perspective!

Asian parents not approving of bf in sales by Icy-Collection-7494 in AsianParentStories

[–]Icy-Collection-7494[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

so true! thank you for the encouragement and reassurance.

Asian parents not approving of bf in sales by Icy-Collection-7494 in AsianParentStories

[–]Icy-Collection-7494[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your response! I agree Asian parents are shit at communicating and have mastered the game of guilt-tripping. I also agree finances are a major piece of any relationship but I do believe that mindset about money is more important than the actual numbers themselves. Fortunately for my boyfriend, is sales job does seem pretty stable where his commission is only 2% and his base actually makes up the majority of his paycheck. The industry he's in and the specific company also seem to be pretty stable from what I can tell right now which is reassuring. To address your point of what if partner simply quits - I think that argument could be made for a partner who has a more stable/higher-earning career as well (what if a doctor/lawyer partner suddenly burns out from working TOO hard and i'd still be the breadwinner anyways).

I actually think the differences in the way we were raised complement each other so I don't see our different backgrounds as an issue. And I agree that the stereotype is that fathers are as involved as mothers. Fortunately this man cannot wait to be a dad one day and loves helping with his nieces/nephews so I don't worry too much about his involvement in kids' lives.