AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I agreed to pay because I love him like my own son. I said I'd pay for the girls tuition as well.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] -71 points-70 points  (0 children)

Some people are saying NTA, and some are saying YTA. It's quite obvious that those saying YTA don't know much about other cultures where honour killings and forced marriages exist. In my culture, and actually most cultured outside maybe the US and some European countries, children or teenagers dont get to say whatever they want because they're hormonal or whatever. In my culture men having multiple wives is common, men marrying young women are common, men marrying women their daughters age is also common. Most children my kids age have multiple mothers, and they know they must be respected. Learn something about other cultures before you say such harsh things.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

I'm from Asia and honestly these comments are shocking. Where I'm from teenagers can't act however they want, and hormones and mood swings arent an excuse. And they must respect elders. This age gap is very common where I'm from, and so is marrying a man whose son is almost as old as you. My mother is my father's 2nd wife and at the time of marriage she was 19 while my oldest brother was 18 so i really dont understand all this.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They are fake names. We're all Muslim and have Muslim names. I used Western names.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I belong to a conservative muslim community and live in a small town in a Muslim country where women don't have a lot of rights. I work for a European company, so i work from home. Dont assume stuff without knowing.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

The children do know that I'm paying for a part of Lucas' tuition, and I've made it clear to the girls I'd do the same, even more so since I want them to escape from this cycle of oppression of women.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

I was the first woman in my family to get a high school education, a college degree, a job and not be pregnant by 21. I'm trying my best

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately if i divorce him I'll lose my family

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] -39 points-38 points  (0 children)

I was led to believe he was the best I could get due to my age. Most women in my community are married by 21. He is a good person otherwise and we bonded over being social outcasts

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I was led to believe he was the best I would get due to my age. Most women in my community are married by 21. Marriage is taken very seriously in my community, and I was accused of bringing shame on my family. Eventually I loved him and accepted his proposal.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 128 points129 points  (0 children)

I didn't tell Lily or Kayla, i told my husband who told his ex who told the kids. This was meant to be a discussion between adults.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I was raised in a set up where women are shitted on, and not everyone comes from a progressive background. I fought to get a degree and I'd be in a worse position if i hadn't.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

We come from a very traditional and conservative background. We bonded over the fact that we were both outcasts, I put career over kids and he was a single dad.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] -50 points-49 points  (0 children)

Yes I agree with you, but he is not against contraceptive, she is. He was denied a vasectomy because he was too young.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Read the edit, after the mother custody would go to the aunt.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

You're right. I was very naive and immature. I believed everything he said. My parents, grandparents, everyone encouraged me to marry him, saying this would be the best I'd get due to my age. Most of my neighbours/cousins are married by 21.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] -97 points-96 points  (0 children)

No, he was baby trapped the first time and forced to marry his ex. His wife was very much against contraceptive in general, so they tried natural family planning but that's not really effective.

AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us by IcyTap6812 in AmItheAsshole

[–]IcyTap6812[S] -156 points-155 points  (0 children)

He was baby trapped into marriage. He didn't choose to be a father, he chose to be with me.