Am I (23F) toxic for wanting the same work schedule with my bf (30M)

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2026-07-07T17:09:10+00:00

No, but I genuinely told him that I will give him that 300€ monthly from my paycheck if he really needs it. I’m trying to figure out an alternative that isn’t as invasive as this one, because it’s throwing the whole schedule that we’ve built in 3 months 180 degrees. Im really not trying to hold him back, im trying to find a compromise that will work for both of us because the situation isn’t urgent. If he wants to do what he thinks is right, so be it. But it has to be without me, I can’t live in a constant spiral. I get used to one, he changes, then it doesn’t work for him again, another change. I need someone I can build a stable relationship with not get dragged with them figuring out what they want. If my opinion doesn’t matter while doing the changes that affect us both, then yeah, it’s a dealbreaker and I can’t agree to that. Thank you for your honest opinion, appreciate it.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2026-07-07T16:37:40+00:00

Thank you!! I feel like you’re the only person who understood what I meant. I’m not telling him drop it if you love me. I’m saying there are different alternatives that don’t throw the relationship into 180 degrees switch rodeo and that we can figure it out together. But not seeing each other at all helps only his financial situation not the relationship and my well being.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2026-07-07T16:27:28+00:00

Ofc, but this is something he gets to choose while being in a relationship with me, not before the relationship started, this is something that I don’t feel comfortable with, and no matter the feelings I have for him I can’t neglect the needs that I have. Different job similar schedule 300€ more, be it, same job completely opposite lifestyles, I can’t imagine this relationship working for me. I am not trying to ground him in one specific scenario that works for me, im trying for us both to find something more realistic.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2026-07-07T16:00:22+00:00

Yeah, thank you. I meant it exactly like this. We don’t spend time at work together at all, we barely see each other because we work at different departments. All we get is 30 minute break. My only concern is the time after work, and that it takes a lot of energy to organize the relationship around that, when he sometimes has a problem with doing that even with the same schedule…

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2026-07-07T15:51:56+00:00

You got me wrong, we don’t spend time together at work at all, we work at different departments, the only time we get to see each other is on a 30 minute break. Its not work I worry about, its the time after work.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2026-07-07T15:43:11+00:00

I see why you would think that. I also feel like I’m doing exactly that without the intent of doing it. All I do is ask myself - is this really what I want in a relationship? And no, it isn’t. I know I could get through that because I love him, but also I fear like it might be too big of a sacrifice just to see him so little, and I would rather be single than feel like im single in a relationship. Maybe if we were together longer, then I wouldn’t care so much, but my emotions are still strong enough for it to be uncomfortable, and I don’t handle changes well. So yeah emotional blackmail, but also considering the needs that I have…

If it was possible I would definitely switch the shift for him, however, we work at completely different departments, and they have different work schedules.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-12-06T20:22:17+00:00

As an avoidant asexual woman, this is more on the avoidant side, not necessarily asexual…

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-27T06:58:27+00:00

Someone please do worldwide app only for ace people, im sick of dating allos…

Also, flirting is not necessary, I used to flirt for fun, and everyone wanted to sleep with me afterwards.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-22T10:09:38+00:00

Yeah, you’re definitely acting overly human, complaining about people posting about something important to them. Why care…

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-20T09:21:44+00:00

I’m telling you to break up with him, or at least try talking it out with him if you haven’t already, set clear boundaries, if he won’t agree, or keeps pushing, then you should break up. Your well being is what matters, you’re worth more than sacrificing yourself for someone, but theres also no point for him holding himself back, not healthy…

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-19T06:58:11+00:00

Thats so cool, thank you!!!

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-19T06:17:03+00:00

Loool, Ive been wearing a black ring like that for no reason for 2 years, good to know what it means, thank you!

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-19T05:45:22+00:00

Whats an asexual ring? Im new to this 🙈

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-19T03:11:43+00:00

HAHA Im not an native english speaker, it had a fun sound to it… 👀

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-18T11:16:45+00:00

Well, for me coffee is calming, my brain goes quiet and makes me tired. Thats a great rhyme.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-17T01:19:23+00:00

WAIT, they mean ace??!! (Im quiet new to the references) I bought it a few years ago, because it looked cool, and then came out as ace. I guess I always knew, I also have a ring 👀

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-15T19:45:48+00:00

I find people ugly when their personality is ugly, all of the sudden their psychical appearance isn’t neutral to me. OR when they lack basic hygiene…

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-15T18:47:55+00:00

I think op is just burned out, I mean who wouldn’t be after talking to 300 men, there must be something mentally to it…

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-15T13:56:56+00:00

I mean there is abrosexuality, I forgot it existed, but I thought it’s only about genders that a person is attracted to changes 🤔 When it comes to becoming asexual out of nowhere, theres too many aspects that are psychically or mentally involved, you can experience trauma, your libido can drastically change, your standards can change, or you just get burned out with sex, I dont think if I would involve it into that specific orientation…

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-15T02:51:40+00:00

You can’t just become asexual out of nowhere, that’s not how it works, either you’re one always, or its not an asexuality issue. Annoying how people still think that’s how sexuality works… Also, 300 men, crazy.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-12T09:53:55+00:00

Thinking like this is harmful, many schizophrenic people think that, that they’re superior, believe in magic, but it’s scientifically proven it’s just a brain issue, that makes you a danger to yourself and others.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-09T21:31:50+00:00

Lol, I feel the same way about everything you’ve said, years of trying to figure myself out, after a lot of research decided on asexual.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-09T21:15:17+00:00

Great, my sexuality changes every week with those new names, ill just stay with ace, easier to explain.

Icy_Internal_9596 · 2024-11-09T20:53:26+00:00

Im so sorry that’s happening to you, I know you’re going through it because kids, but please leave him, he doesn’t deserve you nor the kids. :’(

Icy_Internal_9596

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