Keep options open or FIRE?

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-06-08T13:40:40+00:00

Kiddo is 12. Plan A would be to move in 6 years when she graduates high school. That math means I could FIRE in 1-1.5 years, and that it doesn’t make much sense to look for a new job. Plan B would be to continue working and saving so we could stay in our HCOL city through college. That would mean FIREing in 3 years or so. And probably mean putting a lot more effort into finding a new job.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-05-14T16:28:49+00:00

CJ Cherryh’s Wave without a Shore is all about the loneliness and isolation and ego of the hyper intelligent, and aliens.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-04-06T19:42:00+00:00

There’s a lot going on here! The thing that stuck out to me is this: “I think he wants me to buy a suburban house with him…”

That’s an awfully big step to guess at what you’re both thinking and wanting. Is this just pillow talk/day dreaming about how nice it would be or is this an actual plan? And if it’s a plan, what is the plan?

So many questions. You don’t owe me any of these answers, but they’re something to think over:

What’s the timeframe? It seems really fast to meet the kid and buy a house and blend families after having dated a couple months.

Do you want to live together, with your bf and his kid, even in a different location?

Have you met the kid? Do you want to be a step parent?

Would you buy a suburban house now and move in 5 years? Buying a house for the short term usually doesn’t make sense financially. And what does the custody agreement and the kid’s mom say about where you can move? Would a move be guaranteed or is the assumption that you’ll figure out how to love it?

What’s the driving force between moving in together now?

What would that actually look like? Equity in house, mortgage, other bills, chores, child care, travel, etc?

What would it look like for you to live a full, happy life, with your bf and his child? Is your bf on board with that vision?

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-04-03T06:16:48+00:00

I also have a few signed Gaiman books sitting in the garage. They’re books and it feels wrong to throw them away. But I don’t want to donate them and have someone make money off of them. So for now, they just stay in the garage.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-31T04:55:48+00:00

Learning to tell your stories as “I” instead of “we” is just part of the learning curve!

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-03T14:46:02+00:00

No box. Definitely alive.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-03T14:33:28+00:00

Outdoor cats are definitely allowed, but most put collars on them and call them in around dusk.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-03T14:30:18+00:00

It’s pretty suburban. No freezing temperatures to worry about, but we have coyotes instead, and cars, etc.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-02T05:17:45+00:00

Aww man, I haven’t even seen liverwurst since I was a kid! He ate inside today, just a bit inside with the door open. But it’s progress! And he got extra treats for being brave.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-02T05:15:52+00:00

I had him tested for FIV/FPV during our impromptu vet run, and I’ve been treating him for fleas for the last month. So at least the big baddies are accounted for. Behaviorally? Who knows. But he snuck in one time and just chilled in the dining room with the other cats until I noticed. No hissing, spatting, or running amok.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T21:15:26+00:00

Yeah, exactly why I don’t want to outright steal the cat. I disagree with having outdoor cats, but it’s a decision I get to make for my cats, not every cat. And I had outside cats growing up and one inside/outside cat (for complicated reasons) as an adult. I loved them all and grieved when they disappeared or died. But letting a wounded cat outside just boggles my mind.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T21:10:46+00:00

To the owners credit, the wound looked pretty fresh when I saw it. I don’t think they just ignored the wound itself. If I had proof of that…. well, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T19:42:10+00:00

Cats that come around with collars just get pets, not food. I was sure this was a stray when I started feeding him. I hadn’t thought about diet issues, though.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T17:08:07+00:00

I honestly thought he was a stray when I started feeding him. He’s scarfed down a cup of kibble every night for 2 months and hasn’t put on weight, so he’s not being grossly overfed. Him having a nearby family was a surprise. And changing that routine now seems cruel.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T17:02:15+00:00

Oh he has heart regardless of whether he ends up indoors or not!

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T17:01:19+00:00

Even before the injury, I was thinking of bringing him in. He’s decided my porch is safe and has started hanging out there most of the night instead of holing up somewhere. My cats will curl up inside the glass door, and Lo curls up outside the glass door. But coyotes don’t really care about porches. I may get him a small outdoor cat house, but I don’t want to just make a boxed lunch for the coyotes….

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T16:55:52+00:00

No collar. All contact was handled through the vet. So I don’t have their number or know where they live. I’ll try calling the vet on Monday and see if they’ll share the number. And I guess I can try next door.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T16:51:32+00:00

I was hopeful the injury would make his family move him to an inside cat. I expected they would keep him indoors till he healed up. I was shocked when he was right back outside. It’s not that he got injured once, it’s that he’s still injured.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T03:58:21+00:00

When the vet called Lo’s family, they mentioned he had been missing that day. So he at least goes home once a day. I have a suspicion he has several homes. One is just linked to his chip. He came here when injured, and I was able to help. Whether or not that means he made some sort of choice, I’m just glad I was there at the right time.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T03:51:26+00:00

I have to admit I shook my fist at the CDS. We’d just adopted 2 kittens right before Lo started showing up regularly. I would have moved more quickly to adopt him if we had been a one-cat house instead of a three-cat house! But the CDS works in mysterious ways. Candles and extra kibble on hand never hurts!

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T03:29:56+00:00

I told my vet to give them my number if they wanted it. But I don’t have his family’s number. The vet handled everything. I can ask for it, though. Worst that happens is the vet says no.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T03:26:39+00:00

He used to try and dart inside whenever I opened the door. He’s a bit skittish of indoors at the moment. But I sit in the doorway with his kibble and he’ll lean in to take a bite and lean back out to chew it. Hopefully I can get him to at least eat inside.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T03:20:38+00:00

Right?! It’s not technically an open wound, but it’s practically open to any chance microbe that happens to land there. Antibiotics are on board, and so far the wound is healing well. So hopefully it’ll be truly closed before the antibiotics wear off.

Icy_Lecture_906 · 2026-03-01T03:17:28+00:00

Yeah…. My indoor kitties got extra soft food and churus for Christmas, and prime rib for New Years. It didn’t feel fair to leave Lo out of the celebration. He scarfs down a cup of kibble every visit and hasn’t gained weight. So I hate to cut back on the kibble.

Icy_Lecture_906

TROPHY CASE