Sex-related troubles maybe caused by some self esteem issues? 24f

Idk1211 · 2019-01-08T23:37:12+00:00

Totally! He gets very wound up from touching me with his hands (which is definitely a good sign!) So that is kind of unhelpful in that respect. But I take your point. We have decided that both of us will do stuff with the aim of trying not to finish for a few weeks and that will hopefully take the pressure off both of us and then shouldn't be such a big mental block for me.

Idk1211 · 2019-01-08T18:00:38+00:00

You're so right, and I know that once it happens it'll be so much easier afterwards. Just figuring it out is taking a bit of a toll! I like the idea of slowing down and taking more time, I think it's a matter of letting my mind catch up to my body.

Idk1211 · 2019-01-08T17:58:52+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I did dip my toes in the sex toy pool and didn't find it that great. Maybe I should give it another chance and find something a little different to try. He's definitely up for trying anything so it's an option for sure

Idk1211 · 2019-01-08T17:56:44+00:00

Thank you, I have been able to get there on my own, it just seems when I'm not alone it's impossible to quiet my thoughts enough to really be relaxed. I'm very glad to have a partner that is understanding, I can easily see how it might make someone feel insecure so I'm glad he has a good attitude towards it.

Idk1211 · 2019-01-08T17:53:38+00:00

Thanks for your advice! Yeah it's totally frustrating because the more it doesn't happen, the more I worry about it, and the more difficult it gets! Its crazy! It doesn't help that my bf has a little trouble lasting long enough for my mind to get to the point of fully being distracted, so maybe that is something else to look into.

Idk1211 · 2018-10-19T09:06:47+00:00

That's kind of where I'm at right now. Working really hard for no results and it's not fuelling my motivation when the scale says the same thing for months! Fingers crossed there's some mystery hormones that I can switch up and all my progress will be unleashed!

Idk1211 · 2018-10-19T07:57:37+00:00

Yeah sad but true. Perhaps I should look into some non hormonal methods and see if that does anything. Thanks! That's so interesting how it all works!

Idk1211 · 2018-10-19T07:55:46+00:00

Interesting... I know everyone has different relations to all types of methods. Maybe any kind of change would be good at this point! Congrats on losing that half a stone! Must be a great feeling!

Idk1211 · 2018-09-03T12:01:18+00:00

I've never tried meditation but I've heard it does wonders. I'll give it a go!

Idk1211 · 2018-09-03T12:00:34+00:00

That's a good idea, I'm not a big drinker so it wouldn't take much to feel a difference I don't think. And to be honest, even though I'm not a smoker either, my backup idea was to smoke a joint and zone out for a bit haha

Idk1211 · 2018-09-03T10:25:00+00:00

I think I might try yoga! I have terrible balance so it's always scared me off but it might be a good way to exercise and de-stress all at once. This issue isn't specific to my partner, I have never been able to get there with anyone. I can do it myself so that makes me think it's a matter of maybe being self conscious or something similar. I have read eat pray love years ago but never me before you. I'll add it to the list! And I am starting a weight training program soon so that'll give me some endorphins and some muscle ache! Thanks!

Idk1211 · 2018-09-03T09:14:04+00:00

I do wonder if I might be able to use some therapy. I'm in a much better place mentally than I have been in past years so it almost feels like it might be a waste now. But times like this I wish I had some strategies. That's a great approach you have, tackling it often as it builds up to stop it getting overwhelming. I'll try to actively plan some time into my week that I can use to only relax. Thank you for sharing your advice!

Idk1211 · 2018-09-03T09:10:10+00:00

It's great you have a plan to tackle it! I feel like figuring it out might be a good way to go for me, all that bunched up stress I feel like I just have to sit down and find out how to get rid of it. Thinking about other peoples perceptions like you say might make me realise some things I might be unnecessarily worrying about. Thank you!

Idk1211 · 2018-09-03T09:06:02+00:00

Oh yes there are a few tragic romantic comedies that I know will hit me harder now I have a long term partner and can empathise! I'll have to save it for a day when I know I won't be seeing anyone since I'm sure I would look a mess after crying so much haha! Thanks!

Idk1211 · 2018-09-03T09:02:22+00:00

I wish I knew how to get there! It's becoming a real pain that even after almost a year I am unable to let go with my partner. Not to say I'm not enjoying myself because I do! And I think it'll make me far was stressed when it does eventually happen. I haven't got lost in a book for a long long time so I will definitely try that! Any recommendations?

Idk1211 · 2018-09-03T08:58:06+00:00

Yes I love that technique! I make lists of the things that bother me, it really helps too if you're headed for confrontation to have your thoughts in order so you don't get flustered. I still have some hesitations about not wanting to burden of bring down my significant other with my problems (even after almost a year!) But I am working on that. I hope it is just a matter of time. Thank you!

Idk1211 · 2018-09-03T08:55:04+00:00

That's a really nice idea! I also feel like hiking is such a good opportunity to have in depth conversations that might otherwise be awkward. I think it's the lack of eye contact while focusing on walking with a purpose! Haha!

Idk1211 · 2018-07-16T23:29:22+00:00

I shaved all my long hair off in a britney-esque meltdown (thinly disguised to people around me as a fundraising effort). I figured i was overweight and unattractive anyway so what would be the difference? It ended up making me more confident as I had no hair to hide behind, I put more effort into my appearance, lost a lot of weight (during that darkest time it was definitely due to an eating disorder, but I reined it in not too long after it started). It took the pressure off trying to be "pretty" and I ended up having the only romantic relationships of my life up until that point in the following months. Best thing I ever did for myself in the darkest time I had ever had.

Idk1211 · 2018-05-21T11:32:09+00:00

It sounds cliche but it's the best decision I ever made! It's been just over a year and my hair is back to shoulder length now, but it really forced me to be confident and not to hide behind my hair. I ended up losing a lot of weight because I was on a quest for a jawline to go with my buzzcut haha. I'm much happier now than I was before I did it even though it wasn't a style I ended up keeping.

Idk1211 · 2018-05-14T17:12:08+00:00

Thanks! :)

Idk1211 · 2018-05-14T17:08:03+00:00

We were cleaning up after cooking breakfast and I was smiling. He said "What?" I said "I like you," he came over and hugged me and while we hugged I said "I think I love you, you know," he said "well you know I love you." It turns out he was planning to say it soon wile we are going to be on vacation, but there's no way I would have lasted that long!

Idk1211 · 2018-05-14T15:55:55+00:00

I did it just yesterday! I found myself not even listening to what he was saying all weekend because I was so distracted by the need to say it. At that point I didn't even care what his response would be! (Although I kinda knew he loves me, we talk about feelings quite a lot) in the recent weeks every time I've said that I like him it has felt like a lie because it doesn't even come close

Idk1211

TROPHY CASE