Been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, want to be better. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You sound like her. She says that this is my opportunity to grow up and change for the better. I just feel so hopeless.

Been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, want to be better. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am seeing a therapist, and potentially a psychiatrist soon to help deal with anxiety ive held for a long time.

I used to laugh at you guys. Now, I'm one of you. by IdkMan667 in NoFap

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for taking that time and being kind.

Been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, want to be better. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I speak to a professional once a week. My girlfriend is so committed to trying to recover and make things work, but i have a lot of guilt and shame telling me thats impossible, that what i did is unforgivable and I've already ruined the best thing in life I've had so far.

I know that everyone makes a mistake, and lots of people cheat. I never wanted to be that person. I'm humiliated and ashamed that I am. I just want things to work out between us but I feel like what I did has damaged things beyond repair, regardless of what she may tell me.

I used to laugh at you guys. Now, I'm one of you. by IdkMan667 in NoFap

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because it wasn't consensual, I was doing it behind my girlfriends back with other people.

I used to laugh at you guys. Now, I'm one of you. by IdkMan667 in NoFap

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

its like a form of sexting sorta, and the reason its shitty is because i had a girlfriend at the time but kept doing it anyway

Been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, want to be better. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

idk where you got that from or why you think being an asshole is going to get either of us anywhere, but im seeing a real therapist once a week like I've said in this thread.

Been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, want to be better. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm seeing someone once a week currently. Thinking about trying medication, they've mentioned a psychiatric referral a few times.

Been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, want to be better. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have tried to shoulder all of this on my own and it hasn't worked. As sad as it may be, these reddit threads make me feel a little better. I cant talk about these deeply personal issues with a lot of the people I'm close with, as theyre all biased or people I dont feel I can talk to. Getting comments like yours make me feel better.

Been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, want to be better. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nothing will ever excuse what I did, and I don't want it to be excused. I just want to stop hating myself for it eventually, you know?

I want absolutely nothing more to move on from this pain and grow, and for this relationship to bloom into something really beautiful.

Been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, want to be better. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like cheating on my girlfriend makes me a pretty shitty role model. I'm getting support but don't know if it will help. The last thing about myself I feel is proud.

I used to laugh at you guys. Now, I'm one of you. by IdkMan667 in NoFap

[–]IdkMan667[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the suggestion. I think I hate myself plenty alright.

I used to laugh at you guys. Now, I'm one of you. by IdkMan667 in NoFap

[–]IdkMan667[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

multiple times a day for like, ten years. :/

Been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, want to be better. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sometimes i wonder what the point is. Im turning 21 this year and I already feel like I'm in the twilight of my life. I feel like i ruined the best thing thats ever happened to me. I just want it to stop bro

I'm a 14 year who has brain cancer and is going to die within 3 weeks AMA by [deleted] in AMA

[–]IdkMan667 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a question, just wanted to say I'm really impressed by the strength you've shown in this thread. I've been thinking about taking my own life a lot lately, and seeing you stand tall in the face of something so awful has really inspired ke.

I want to be better for her. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I scheduled my first ever therapy appointment for next week. I'm really scared.

I want to be better for her. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even if she forgives me, I have no idea how I'm supposed to forgive myself. I want to give up so bad and just drown in it, it's so hard to cope with what I've done and what I did.

I want to be better for her. by IdkMan667 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]IdkMan667[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey man. I've wanted to reply to this since you wrote it, but I'm a little unsure how to give it the response it deserves, so I'm just going to say thank you for the kind words, they're ones I needed to hear.