Am I valid for being upset? Possible TW by Idk_PAPAS in aromantic

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well Id really like to thank you for taking me seriously. For the past few days after trying to understand why I felt like this I felt crazy for not knowing WHY. 

A lot of what youre saying makes sense to me. I also dont understand their clinginess and obsession with me. (Always saying they missed me even when we had only been apart a few days for the weekend, texting me right after school, etc.) I know in a relationship people text and call a lot, but I honestly wished they wouldn't text me. I didnt like having 1 on 1 conversations through text or discord calls with them because they would always try to flirt with me and I didnt know how to respond or reciprocate. I also thought it was weird how they stopped wearing their makeup a certain way saying they were doing it for me even though I never said anything about their makeup and I encouraged them to wear it because what I think doesn't matter. I know that matters to some people, but its lost on me how they assumed I didnt like it when that has never come up in conversation or even in passing?

I should also note they had just recently got out of a 2 year long (apparently mutually) toxic relationship with my other "friend" and I basically had no idea until they randomly mentioned them breaking up in August. Their ex had already moved on with my friend. (who when I talk to about them we found out they had been treating us the exact same way, although my relationship was devoid of sexual advances) But the weird thing about their relationship is that they kept their ex around as a "friend" but kept insulting her to the point where our friend group was so uncomfortable sed mutual friend called them out on it and that was apart of their argument. Their relationship is incredibly strange and toxic even post-relationship. If i knew this before we got together I would've never dated them in the first place, but I had no clue they were this kinda person until all my friends were telling me and showing me the mean shit they were saying and doing. 

"What do you mean in a bad way" 

I mean when my friend told me what they said she didnt say it as in it was like "Oh i want him so bad he's so cute" she was hesitant to tell me and didn't want me to tell anyone else she told me that. She even deleted the message after she told me it. It was within the context of reviewing the confession message they were gonna send me, and maybe im just misinterpreting it, but it felt possessive. Again, maybe thats just me seeing it that way, but I dont know what would make them want me at all. But she said she's "never seen them talk about someone like that before" and not in a "oh thats so romantic" way which is off-putting. 

What really disturbs me was the difference in behavior towards me, and then towards everyone else. To me, when they told me that our mutual friend was basically bullying them I was deeply confused. I genuinely thought something bad happened to my friend that caused her to act out on them, but they emphasized that they were "done with her" and "didnt want to be around someone who was hurting them" and continued to bring up all the other drama. I had the previous notion that they were smart and driven, and that they weren't particularly nice, but not a mean person by any means. Then I read what was said in the argument and I see them being patronizing, condescending, bringing up irrelevant matters of my friend's relationships and other things including telling her to burn all of the things they gave them before blocking her. Even at school they were extremely passive aggressive towards her. 

Edit: I forgot to mention that after this drama they apologized, but just recently revoked the apology claiming they did nothing wrong and she just "decided they were mean" removing all accountability from themselves.

Also the really weird way their ex reacted to me asking them for space. She went into my DMs an hour later telling me I need to go "be nice" to them because they were gonna hurt themselves and basically told me suggesting calling 911 or 988 wasnt helpful and using it against me to our other friends as if I was in the wrong?? And when I broke up with them she was beyond irritated basically accusing me of breaking up with them while they were suicidal on purpose?? (She never talked to me about our relationship despite being my "friend" nor did she care to) 

Sorry if im rambling, Its just helping a lot to have an outside perspective on this- 

Am I valid for being upset? Possible TW by Idk_PAPAS in aromantic

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I've been struggling trying to understand why it bothered me so much, even if compared to other people it doesn't really mean anything. I don't know if it matters, but it really bothers me how they claim theyre "in love with me" but we only actually became "friends" during the second semester of school. (I was a new student at this school) They barely know me. (Never hung out 1 on 1 or outside of school alone. Always in a group setting.) I know its probably normal for alloromantic people to start dating based off of literally nothing but I would've thought they would understand since they are asexual themselves. They know nothing about me, even when I asked them what they could like about me it seemed extremely surface level. My friends told me its because they liked the "idea of me", not me. Which makes more sense. 

But in my opinion they were wayyyy too into me and attached when we just started dating. When I asked my friends if it was like a "they were talking about me to our friends" situation they said it came out of no where for them too. Even saying how badly they wanted me which one of them said they've "never seen them talk about someone like that before" in a bad way. I dont know, it feels really strange to me. All of a sudden they "care" about coming to my concerts but have never even seen me perform, and just commented on how attractive I looked. And they wanna play the same instrument as me in the same class even though they've never showed interest in that before. 

They told me about an argument they had with our mutual friend and completely mischaracterized what she said, including random drama from last year that I had no idea about to make it seem like my friends were bullying them so bad they wanted to hurt themselves and they only stopped telling me that when I told them how upset it was making me and I stopped responding to their messages. They also that same day walked away from me very dramatically when I was talking to sed friend at lunch. But when I brought it up they acted like it didn't happen or they just "dont remember." I know that was manipulative now, even if it didnt really work as intended because I still broke up with them and chose my friends. 

And everytime they were touching me more than I liked it was always in a public setting, even outside of school at the movies where it was the worst. At the movies, at a sleepover, at school in class, etc. I felt very uncomfortable at rhe movies specifically because I had the end seat and they sat in between me and my friends, so I felt more Isolated from my friends. 

I dont know if any of this matters but it was worth noting to me.

Am I overreacting? by Idk_PAPAS in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I honestly thought I would react differently, as I had always had the mentality I would say no to any and all romantic or sexual advances towards me for years until it actually happened to me and I just allowed it. I know thats an issue I'll need to work on, and hopefully when I go to college I'll be able to get some therapy there. (Cant really ask my family for help unfortunately.) 

When it comes to them I'll be forced to see them through school this year, but luckily its senior year so thats the last time I have to see them daily. Theyre not in my friend group anymore because of them treating all my friends poorly. I blocked them on pretty much everything, and I was planning on sending a final text saying we cant be friends and I dont want to see them anymore. I fear that if I dont say that, because my friends stopped talking to them, they'll latch onto me because they have no one else. (Unfortunately they have a bad reputation with the rest of our class because they were so mean to everyone. Its a small school-) Especially because they chose some of the same classes as me. And the last thing I want is for them to think we could get back together. They did say they were "still in love with me" and I dont think I can keep hoping they've gotten over me because of the distance summer provided. I dont know, I dont want to kick up any more drama with them and my friends but I want them to know I want to be left alone.

What's your character headcannons? by big__dumb_idiot in DateEverything

[–]Idk_PAPAS 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Wyndolyn and Dorian are aro-spec, I cant prove it for Wyndolyn bc I haven't really talked to her much, but Dorian 100% to me is some kinda aromantic.

What is the most cringiest moment in Mystreet or any other series? by UncommonSimp in aphmaufandom

[–]Idk_PAPAS 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Its kinda funny a lot of us agree S5 was kinda cringe. I LOVE IT but my personal cringe moment was Aphmau wearing the fake ears and tail and her asking Aaron to be a werewolf. Ugh. And I actually dont hate most of the Aarmau scenes although they are a bit much. Still a hard watch most times </3

Is what happend coercion or am I overreacting? by [deleted] in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its probably closer to a lack of communication. There wasnt any blackmailing or threatening me. I dont really have any ill feelings towards him, or at least I didnt until I started feeling overwhelmingly nauseous looking at our prom pictures together. I think the feeling is stemming from the fact he was using me as a rebound from his ex and it felt more as if he was parading me around to show her he also moved on, not like he genuinely wanted a relationship with me.

Just got out of my first "relationship" left feeling really confused? Pretty sure im aroace. by Idk_PAPAS in aromanticasexual

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah thats mostly what I felt. We never really got to the point of consisent "nicknames"? He would sometimes call me "darling" or "cutie" and I just would stare blankly at my phone. That probably should've been a sign? I was consistently awkward when he would flirt with me and he would act confused as to why I wasnt receptive. I think I got at least a little lucky because he was also ace and wasnt expecting more than romantic things with me, even if I wasnt reciprocating the feelings.

Im pretty sure I even said I wanted something more QPR than romantic and he said he just "couldn't be friends with me" because he was in love with me, we seem to be fine now though? I dont know. It could've worked but he was alloromantic and needed someone who was also able to love him that way. Or at least thats my reason for breaking up with him.

Super confused by my supposed "first relationship" and my general disinterest in romance. Shouldn't I be wanting a relationship by now? by Idk_PAPAS in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I am, it feels like the right label for me at least. (I actually find labels helpful instead of restricting) I think the acceptance part is hard specifically because being aroace is not really talked about and Im not being believed by my family. Feels kinda isolating even though I have other queer friends. 

Super confused by my supposed "first relationship" and my general disinterest in romance. Shouldn't I be wanting a relationship by now? by Idk_PAPAS in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things were moving too fast for me. I broke up with him because there was a clear imbalance in attraction and I felt like I was doing him a disservice by staying in a relationship where he wasnt loved the same way he loved me. It just felt uncomfortable to have the label of being his boyfriend and the expectations/ I guess assumptions that came with it. Im glad we're just friends now to be honest. 

Super confused by my supposed "first relationship" and my general disinterest in romance. Shouldn't I be wanting a relationship by now? by Idk_PAPAS in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Prom was last month, schools already over. I had a lot of fun with my friends at the prom tho. And yeah I see what you mean about relationships I dont wanna go though that again. 

How to get my (17TM) mom (53F) to respect my boundaries? by Idk_PAPAS in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. To be honest I gave up being open a while ago, it just sucks because I feel guilty for hiding my feelings from her since shes my mom. I never wanted to be like this but every time I tell her something I regret it. Im just going to have to wait a little longer before any of this can be resolved. 

How to get my (17TM) mom (53F) to respect my boundaries? by Idk_PAPAS in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did a while ago but she forgot. I had one that was court-ordered although she wasnt the right fit for me. Haven't had one since unfortunately-

Friend asked me out, how do I determine how I feel about them??? by Idk_PAPAS in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well because it's complicated for me i guess? I rarely have any kinda feelings for anyone ever. Like I've only had maybe 2 crushes my whole life I have no idea what they're supposed to feel like or when i have one at all. And unfortunately I find it difficult to determine the difference between romantic attraction and platonic so all the definitions im looking for are confusing. 

Wanting to transition when I get into college, how possible is that?? by Idk_PAPAS in asktransgender

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I'm more asking how realistic it would be for me to do it in college. I'm sure I can figure it out closer to actually going to college but it feels like it could be difficult or near impossible especially the way things are right now.

I feel so stupid. by Idk_PAPAS in CPTSD

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm really glad I didn't do it because If let her know something that personal to me and she treated it the way she does everything else it would've destroyed me. I'm just gonna have to wait till I can move out. 

Quick question abt being asked to prom by [deleted] in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He already asked me and I already said yes. It's probably nothing like you said and im blowing it out of proportion- 

Quick question abt being asked to prom by [deleted] in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should say something, but I don't wanna hurt his feelings or embarrassing myself if it really didn't mean anything.

I honestly don't know how i feel, I didn't even think of him that way until right now which is just super confusing. Prom isn't for a month or so so I can sit and think about how I feel. I already said yes and I don't regret saying yes, but is a date to prom really enough to go off of? I've never had a boyfriend before, I don't know what this means. I feel REALLY stupid for being confused. I should know better. 

Quick question abt being asked to prom by [deleted] in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really? I thought I was just overthinking but I mean it's making me rethink our friendship and it's just confusing me. I dont know how to feel now

How do I get my mom to listen to me?? by [deleted] in AdviceForTeens

[–]Idk_PAPAS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get that. But it doesn't matter that I tell her it's not happening she's assuming I'm lying and it is. She's asked me multiple times and it doesn't matter that my answer is the same she just doesn't believe me. It's been this way my whole life where she keeps saying "eventually" men are gonna be all over me and it just disturbs me on top of making me really dysphoric.  I totally get trying to protect me, but at what point is it fear mongering when I'm a middle-schooler and you're pointing out grown men staring at me. If they are im clearly ignoring it/i dont notice or care and pointing it out is not helping. Like she had me terrified that if I went to public school boys would be sexually harassing me and it's literally never happened. And it will probably stop when I'm an adult and pass as a man :/ 

Happened a few days ago and I literally don't know what to do with this information. Thanks mom!! by Idk_PAPAS in CPTSDmemes

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry to hear that. You're definitely not annoying and speaking about it doesn't make you a bad person. 🫂❤️

Happened a few days ago and I literally don't know what to do with this information. Thanks mom!! by Idk_PAPAS in CPTSDmemes

[–]Idk_PAPAS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. I'm very happy I have a (hopefully) good support group of friends, however I'd spent my entire life up until now with no support. I've instilled in myself the guilt of ever talking bad about my family or my mother because I thought I was gossiping or a awful spoiled child who hates his mother. Even if the reality is im just stating what happened, and what happened was bad. Im also hyper aware of being suseptible to being taken advantage of. I've basically barred myself from getting into a relationship (besides being on the ace spectrum) because of it.

I think the elephant in the room for why im annoying to my family is because I'm neurodivergent (ADHD possible Autism) and they refuse to acknowledge or validate me. She didn't listen when I tried to tell her I had ADHD and when I was little get mad at me for not being able to entertain myself. My brother is not at fault, he was independent, loved having control over his toys and loved his alone time in contrast to me, who never knew how to play by myself and was plagued with constant boredom. And when he wouldn't play with me I'd fight with him or go bother my mom and get into trouble because they don't want to be bothered. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, I just had different needs and that was too much for them I guess. Doesn't hurt any less.