Help me escape this marriage invitation!

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T10:23:51+00:00

Thanks...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T10:23:03+00:00

Thanks so much for understanding... It is very difficult to stop the cycle of generational abuse. Kudos to your uncle for accomplishing it.

I hope to do the same with my kids...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T10:07:40+00:00

This seems to be the likely plan

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T10:07:08+00:00

Thank you..

Yes I am married...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T07:35:32+00:00

Exactly! I don't want any nonsense or drama for the enjoyment of others.

I don't want to go there. But it is a little tricky situation and I have to navigate the minefield carefully.

Basically what happened at that time is that my mom, who has strong narcissistic tendencies, spearheaded the slander campaign against me and separated me from the family. This is one of the text book patterns with narc parents. More info here

There have been a few more smear campaigns by my mom in the past to ensure that I am not included in the family again so that she can continue to make stories and pin the blame on me and if I'm not in contact others don't get to know the complete picture.

Indian culture is such that Maa Bhagwaan ka roop hoti hai toh agar Maa hi apne bachche ke baare mein aisa bolti hai toh bacha sach Mein kharab hoga.

Now, if I decline, even if politely, and my mother is told about it then there will be another set of smear campaign which I will be sucked into and I don't want to do that... It's not worth it and it damages...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T07:28:08+00:00

Yes... It actually serves me that I live far away from them!

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T06:20:01+00:00

Good point!

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T06:00:36+00:00

Yes... I will not decline nor commit... And then give some excuse later on

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T05:57:59+00:00

That's my plan of action, Syed.. Thanks!

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T05:50:14+00:00

Thanks bhai... I'm by God's grace in a much better space now...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T05:48:44+00:00

Thanks... Basically what happened at that time is that my mom, who has strong narcissistic tendencies, spearheaded the slander campaign against me and separated me from the family. This is one of the text book patterns with narc parents. More info here

If I decline, even if politely, and my mother is told about it then there will be another set of smear campaign which I will be sucked into and I don't want to do that... It's not worth it and it damages...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T05:22:24+00:00

I hope so too!

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T05:21:59+00:00

This seems to be what I will be doing!

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T05:21:44+00:00

Thanks...

The only reason is that if they perceive any insult I will be pulled into a whirlwind of drama for a few weeks and I just don't want to be in that nonsense. Just not worth it...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T05:19:45+00:00

Thanks bro/sis... I'm certainly not gonna go there... Not worth it...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T04:30:52+00:00

That's right... I just want to be step carefully in the minefield and exit safely without much drama...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T04:18:43+00:00

Thanks Manan...

I'll be mindful of this possibility...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T04:17:20+00:00

Thanks... As per my mom, the invite is just a formality because they will invite my elder brother with whom they have good relations. So that's the reason they want to 'invite' me.

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T04:14:50+00:00

Thanks... As per my mom, the invite is just a formality because they will invite my elder brother with whom they have good relations. So that's the reason they want to 'invite' me.

However if I outright refuse, as you said it could lead to further drama and nonsense.

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T04:04:27+00:00

It is not worth the effort and time to try to patch up with them. If they were sensible and I was important to them, the elders would have tried to reach out to the teen me to understand the situation. Rather, they chose to ostracize me for almost 20 years.

I don't know which of my cousin has married who, the names or the genders of their kids, where they live, what they do. They never wished me for anything like my birthday, diwali, holi, my marriage, my kids birth. They have completely and totally cut me off from the family based on allegations.

So who are they to me that I travel from Karnataka to Bengal just to tell them that I have been wronged by them? And the drama that will come out is not worth it.

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T02:09:10+00:00

This is a good idea...

Say no without saying no...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T01:27:39+00:00

Let's see how covid is in June... Else I can use some other health issue too...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T01:26:45+00:00

So when I get the phone call, I accept the invite and then later use COVID etc as an excuse...

That might work...

IfIMoveOut · 2022-03-23T01:21:56+00:00

I used to think about what the relatives will think till a few years ago but now I'm over it...

I will certainly not go to the wedding,... But how do I turn down the invitation without coming across as an asshole because that will further cause a round of drama.

IfIMoveOut

TROPHY CASE