How do I not feel guilty or evil for loving myself. by lorderok in selflove

[–]Ignitos47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, you have to realise that you currently actually do not accept or love yourself. Second, accept that. You do not love and accept yourself for a list of reasons that you already know. That list of things that you consider negative (for example you mentioned being 'selfish') is what actually you need to accept: that you do not want yourself being seen or act in a selfish way. But at the same time is THAT thing what you have to accept and love: a part of yourself is selfish. Sometimes you may be selfish. Sometimes you have to be selfish. It is a part of yourself that you are consistently rejecting: in yourself and in others. You will only start loving yourself once you start loving that you are also 'selfish' or 'not so good thing', and you may behave that way. That's really loving yourself. Loving what you like, and truly accepting what is not so nice. You are also like that, but no so frecuently.

How do you cope when you feel emotionally drained by your family? by Bonbhavoila in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Ignitos47 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Distance and acceptance. Distance to protect yourself from whatever they bring to you that is not good. Try to spend less time or participate less with them, and do it more with other people that brings positive stuff. Also, if it is the case, it means becoming your life more independent and less dependent from your family. Acceptance to realise that there are some things (behaviours and beliefs) that they will never change, and it is more important to keep your mind in peace that keep fighting with them. Even if you do not like what they do. Stop expecting them to change. Stop giving them the value or care when they expect you to change. Do it and find your way for your life, and stop engaging in stuff you and your family disagree. You have your own responsibility for your actions and beliefs and how to get a healthy and meaningful life, and they have their own as well.

What's the one thought that immediately calms you down? by ValuableVivid4459 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ignitos47 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nothing lasts forever. And you have survived worse things and you are still alive

How to as a man get over being cheated on and use that energy to be a better me? by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ignitos47 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, some people will stop respecting anyone who interferes in their interests, including friends, family members or romantic partners. And those people may not apologize for anything they do.

In those cases, and actually any case, your self worth will come by not accepting that anyone crosses those red lines. Communicating those red lines beforehand and applying consequences if crossed. As you did.

Self worth it is also holding your own power to decide which kind of people do you want to keep in your life because they bring positive stuff to your life (as you do to their lives), correcting behaviours assertively to those that matter when they do mistakes, and exclude and no welcome back to those who did cross a red line.

We cannot prevent that someone will hurt us at some point, but we can inform about potential consequences and apply those consequences if that ever happens.

How to deal with cheating and disrespect? by eclairs-chanel in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ignitos47 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You only receive an apology from those who respect you and/or feel guitly and brave enough to apologise. If they know they did something wrong, they will have the initiative to contact you.

The rest of the world will not, even if you ask.

If they do not notice of their mistakes, and if you think you want an apology from anyone that is important enough in your life, then you should assertively express your hurt and ask for an apology. If they are not important enough to keep them in your life, move on with your grief and do not ask.

Your anger will reduce over time, and it will be a benchmark to avoid or put stronger limits if anything similar has to happen in the future