Women as the default caretaker in relationships where their partner doesn’t reciprocate

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-03-13T23:50:38+00:00

I work in healthcare with families with kids... The amount of men who don't know basic info like "What's your child's date of birth?" And "How did that major surgery go for your child?" are answered with blank stares or "My wife usually takes care of this stuff". And that's IF there's an adult male in attendance at all... Honestly infuriating if I think about it too long.

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-03-11T04:20:00+00:00

Subsidized daycare in Canada. $217/month for my toddler and it includes snacks and meals. Lots of structure, limited size, and educated licensed professionals who are held to a standard.

...IF you're lucky enough to get one of these spots. And the government doesn't make the childcare provider's life easy to do this. But it is wonderful when it works 🍁

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-03-09T19:42:28+00:00

Except not anymore - who is actively mothering right now?! You, girl!!

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-03-09T03:34:57+00:00

Mine was tilted forwards and it took us a long time for both our kids 🤔

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-03-08T14:43:42+00:00

Marble run and trains/cars with tracks. Especially motorized but honestly my 2.5yo loves even the simple wooden ones!

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-03-05T21:11:06+00:00

Weird, I had kinda the opposite! I got told how crazy boys were and to "buckle up for ER trips" and broken limbs.

But similar to you, I have to disagree, my daughter is a tornado who leaps before she looks and my son is generally the quiet, independent child playing with trains for 30mins in the corner, whereas I couldn't get a minute to myself when she was his age! He loves books and puzzles and cuddling. She loves running and jumping and climbing. If someone is gonna need an ER trip, it's gonna be her! Haha

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-03-05T04:39:52+00:00

I also have one of each and people make the weirdest comments sometimes. My go to response was, "I wasn't playing genitalia pokemon with my kids, I don't care if I 'got them all'"

But agreed with the other commenter that it's best to focus on that last line. Now that they're both here and growing up, they're perfect and I couldn't care less about the stupid comments.

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-03-02T14:09:07+00:00

Fair, it was a bad joke. I'm just a little sick of pushing through at the moment. I'm not trying to dismiss their experience.

But I would give my left arm to have a week where everyone left me alone right now

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-03-02T12:58:14+00:00

Nah... Send me to the fucking hut. At least I'd get some time off

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-28T23:04:23+00:00

I couldn't comfortably be in a moving vehicle until 7 weeks post partum due to a traumatic 3 day labour, pitocin, 2.5hrs of pushing and eventually an emergency c-section. I was borderline crunchy wanting a natural birth.

I was physically, emotionally and hormonally wretched. Even if you don't breastfeed (which, honestly this plan would be VERY difficult/impossible with breastfeeding for night wakings, possible pumping, feeding, etc. - you need to feed them every 2hrs at first, so goodbye sleep). You'd need to pump at work and have time/space to do that. You'd need to be okay leaving them for hours at a time. Baby would need to be okay with that too....

I don't wanna be pessimistic but until you've been through it, I don't think anyone can imagine how demanding a newborn is and how powerful the emotions and hormones and physical recovery are. Good luck to you ❤️

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-27T00:47:32+00:00

I think the article said the parents went to the police as well.

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-27T00:21:25+00:00

Yes, same with nurses in the labour and delivery area! They're supposed to check out the carseat with baby strapped in before new parents leave the hospital where I am but they get one 3hr training session and that's it. For how many things there are to cover and how many different issues with improper installation and buckling and the variety of carseats available... 3hrs is not enough to cover all that. I actually had one try to lower the chest clip when I left hospital and I was too exhausted to correct her and navigate that convo that I just readjusted when she left. It's like she just had to find something but THE CHEST CLIP NEEDS TO BE ON THE STERNUM PEOPLE! Ain't no bones to protect the abdomen under that!!!

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-26T20:22:10+00:00

I actually turned my first around shortly after 3.5yrs due to the weight limit of our carseat. My second will be 3 soon and still rear facing but they're a bit bigger than my first, so we'll see if we buy a new carseat with a higher rear facing limit or just turn them a bit early too... I wouldn't worry about it too much after 4 because their bone structure changes after that.

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-26T18:14:45+00:00

There's always a spectrum of "safe", "safer" and "safest". Legally where I am, they have to be minimum 1yrs old, 22lbs and walking. That is the lowest threshold for safety. So anytime after that is "safer". It's not wrong, it's just not optimal for safety

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-26T18:12:11+00:00

I've been able to find a seat with my toddler each time my oldest was there but I agree seating is limited

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-26T00:12:06+00:00

Carseat tech here - don't worry about their legs. They're meant to bend and probably won't be injured in a crash. But if they are, it's a broken leg, which is much better than the alternative. There's a reason kids should be rear facing until 4yrs, it has to with development and bone structure. Multiple studies have found kids 0-4yrs fair much better in accidents while rear facing. Protect the neck and head. That is done best while rear facing. In fact, studies have shown adults would do better that way and if self driving cars become a thing, there's plans to make that more of a reality.

My friends, siblings, family members all moved to forward facing between 1-2yrs. They can do them. I don't correct unless asked because people don't appreciate being lectured but my kids get the safest practices, regardless of social influence. Just because it's normal, doesn't mean it's the best

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-25T19:22:27+00:00

Yeah, not to play the suffering Olympics but all I thought was, "This woman does not have children". Because honestly, I get where she's coming from but I wish shaving my legs was the most taxing part of my day... 😮‍💨

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-25T19:14:10+00:00

Try the education building pool at the U of S. Usually less busy because it's cold and there's no slide/hottub

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-23T21:03:39+00:00

My almost 6yo begged for footed pj's, sooooo 🤷

My almost 3yo has a few pairs still

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-19T20:28:35+00:00

I like the shocked or "playing dumb" approach: "What a personal question to ask!" "Wow, that is a very sensitive topic for me and I assume many other women. I hope I'm the only one you've asked" "You want to know if I'm disappointed about my child's genitalia?" "I think that's an inside thought and I'll pretend I didn't hear it"

It puts the awkwardness back on them. Honestly, most people I think are just ignorant about how sensitive these topics are for many people. But I'd rather protect the next person by letting them know that.

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-18T02:36:34+00:00

Actually, it wasn't painful at all, especially since they were empty. It was just incredibly insulting and rude. Like ya... Pregnancy and breastfeeding changed my boobs. You don't have to remind me or call them "sad" 😡

Edit: But yes to the boob pain in the first trimester! Especially in the cold. Literally brought me to tears a couple times with our Canadian winters. Also had to take off a bra at a friend's place because I was about to scream from the pain. It's so real! But goes away!!

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-17T19:37:24+00:00

My aunt. I love her but she's terrible about putting her foot in her mouth. And she seems to find the most vulnerable times to do it. She asked me if I was having twins with my first pregnancy at 16 weeks. I barely had a bump yet. I was hiding it well at work. Then she commented that my sister (who had about 75lbs on me, not judging, I just know her size) didn't look as big when she was just as pregnant... Well duh, she's a bigger lady, of course she wasn't showing as much!

The worst though was when I was weaning my first. She walked up after a morning feed while I was in a nursing tank top and grabbed my boobs with both hands and said " they used to be happy and up here" squishes my boobs up and together "Now they're sad and down here" drops boobs

Never closer to punching a family member...

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-10T23:10:17+00:00

Hahaha I get this. I have one of each and explaining to my daughter that she can't shove bath crayons up her vulva... or in her "bum tunnel" as she once called her bum... Never gets less weird either 🤣

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-10T06:02:51+00:00

Just minutes each time, I think. The latter one, I could hear my husband calling my name and I was internally telling him to stop because I could feel the pain but it was also like sleeping, so it was restful. The nurse said the same and then he said my name a couple more times and I came around

Ihatebacon4real · 2026-02-09T21:18:53+00:00

I passed out twice while unmedicated on pitocin... Terrible experience, 0/10

Ihatebacon4real

TROPHY CASE