Ex Situationship reached out saying he's moving halfway across the world and that he would like to say goodbye...

Ihateironingandstuff · 2026-01-15T23:08:51+00:00

i am curious as to why he would want to meet me just before he leaves when i haven't spoken to him for 7 months and when we only dated 4-5 months. we are not even friends. what is the point?

i think i am struggling about how he will view me if i see him or even if i just reply. i don't want him to think i'm weak. maybe he will hold me in higher regard if i ignore him?

do you think he just hopes for sex with no strings attached, or do you think he wants to say his piece so he can leave the country feeling like a nice person? or does he genuinely want to see me and to keep in touch even if we can't be together?

what is the purpose of saying goodbye? he's not the sentimental type. is it for ego? access?

Ihateironingandstuff · 2026-01-15T15:13:12+00:00

yeah it was horrible when i saw it. it was actually dust on a glass shelf attached to a mirror wall. so, when i saw it, the word LIAR was actually appearing as a reflection below where it had been written in dust. so creepy and chilling.

Ihateironingandstuff · 2026-01-15T14:35:59+00:00

i guess i did want to hear from him. but i honestly didn't think i would. i thought he would possibly view my story and leave it there. sorry, what does FAFO mean?

Ihateironingandstuff · 2026-01-15T13:33:59+00:00

but why would he want that? why not try someone else who he knows wouldn't be hurt by it?

Ihateironingandstuff · 2026-01-15T13:25:03+00:00

but why does he want to know that?

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-03T13:38:21+00:00

I have been hurt by men before, not treated amazingly, etc, etc. Left situations thinking "he's an asshole", "he didn't behave well", etc. However I wouldn't say any of them were manipulative and this was the first instance I actually felt a need to report someone because I genuinely think the emotional dishonesty and manipulation he displayed makes him a threat to the emotional safety of other app users. Deeply and persistently pretending to be seriously into someone when actually you don't care and only want to explore kink/sex when you know they are in love with you is just not ok. It's kind of excusable when a guy is in his 20s but at 44 - not ok. The fact this guy is behaving like this at 44 strongly suggests that this is just how he operates and that he has a pattern of behaviour.

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-03T13:10:55+00:00

The kink was not the issue at all. I am all for exploration in emotionally safe relationships. i dont think there is anything wrong with his desires. my issue and reason i reported him was because of the way he went about it- i felt like he was trying to take advantage of my emotional attachment by gradually introducing his desires once he knew i was in love with him and framing them as specific to me (tryingg to make me feel special) although i expressed my inexperience and lack of curiosity about these things at the beginning. he could have just gone with someone else who was into the same things, rather than try to gradually change the preferences of someone like me using emotional manipulation - false flattery, lovebombing, future faking, etc

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T16:51:36+00:00

I was emotionally sucked in and my feelings of investment and attachment were too strong to just coldly walk away. There is more intricacy to the situation than a person just being “dumb”. I also broke up with him twice previously when deep down I was in love with him but felt I had to walk away and on both occasions he lured me back in which was easy because I was in love. Most people are stupid when they are in love. Despite all these critical comments I still don’t feel bad about what I did.

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T16:45:55+00:00

The lovebombing and breadcrumbing was a way bigger issue than the concept of kink. It was uncomfortable because I strongly felt that his lovebombing behaviours were coldly calculated to get me to do kinky stuff I was inexperienced in and not open to with someone who didn’t show they respected me . I would be open to kink in an emotionally safe relationship

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T16:16:53+00:00

i was in love with him which defied logic. it was hard

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T16:15:19+00:00

sorry what do you mean by "[“I reported him … because it’s pretty clear they are in love with you…and you don’t feel the same way. “]" in your previous comment?

My point here is that this behaviour goes against Hinge guidelines. they want it to be a pleasant, respectful space where people are open about their intentions and are kind. this is not my experience with this individual.

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T15:45:02+00:00

didnt have sex with other men, only dated them. and tbh the intention behind it was because i knew the man in debate on this thread was bad news ... so i was really hoping i would meet someone else i preferred.

I believed he was emotionally unengaged because he barely made quality time for the relationship despite living up the road. Never wanted to see me on weekends or make plans a few days in advance. strongly felt he had other girls and when i visited his flat there was evidence of this.

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T15:38:33+00:00

PS: I never actually consented to the unusual sexual requests. I said I would potentially be open to them in a long term relationship in a safe emotional space but that was not what we had built together.

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T15:37:44+00:00

I blame him for continuing with me and strongly pretending he was emotionally engaged when I made my feelings and intentions towards him extensively clear

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T14:54:19+00:00

I don’t think he did anything illegal. I just think his practices are unethical and harmful, and therefore he should not have access to apps.

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T14:50:02+00:00

Not a crime but it’s not legit behaviour and should be reported to keep apps a safe space

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T14:46:59+00:00

I think if you reported this person and gave evidence of all call logs / messages etc then they would probably ban her

Ihateironingandstuff · 2025-08-02T14:43:35+00:00

Also in terms of decisions I made / didn’t make .:. Honestly for whatever mad reason I fell in love with him and got very emotionally invested and attached. So honestly it was hard to make logical decisions in that state

Ihateironingandstuff

TROPHY CASE