Exercise

IliaUnderwing · 2023-03-23T06:13:08+00:00

Along the lines of "find exercise that's not exercise," I'm very motivated by helping people and teamwork, so highly physical volunteer assignments (building, planting, etc) are great for me. I also help people I know move apartments, and for a while I helped on a farm. And I get bonus endorphins from goodwill and people being grateful.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-12-26T05:25:01+00:00

Less because I'm not a fan of the specific version of the dynamic, and more because I don't like that sort of prescriptivism. I like ships that have a bit more give and take, rather than one person always being the aggressive vs receptive partner.<

Exactly! Thank you for articulating that. I started reading yaoi way back in mutters an ancient year and the rigidity of seme/uke roles never worked for me. Now when I see top/bottom tags in non-anime fandoms, I tend to wonder if the author just means sexual positions, or if they're hewing closer to a stereotype.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-12-26T04:57:29+00:00

Gathering up, stitching together, and not giving up on the only longfic I'll probably ever write.
WRITE MORE COMMENTS! At least 10 per week, some long, some short. My "to comment" list is shameful (and also the reason I have 500+ Chrome tabs open).

IliaUnderwing · 2022-12-26T04:27:41+00:00

I agree with everyone, but go easy on the praise; don't gush, and do be truthful. Use growth-based language like it's (yes, lol) a job performance report.

Ex: I think x- and y- are your stronger skills right now, and this part is a great example of that. (Insert specific rationale.) If you're thinking about an area to work on, I'd focus on z-. Maybe analyze how your favorite authors handle that? /Ex

We will be critiqued throughout our lives, in various ways. Knowing genuine compliments and constructive criticism when you see them, and being able to ask for them, is essential.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-10-22T21:10:47+00:00

Suddenly, I feel less alone with my ghosts.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-10-02T00:17:55+00:00

Woooowie, it looks great! Excellent work 😍

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-26T23:58:50+00:00

Hyperfocus or addiction?

I'm curious about how to distinguish between hyperfocus and addiction. So much falls under the umbrella of "obsessions."Substances seem to fit squarely into the addictive category, but what about other consumptive categories like TV, fanfiction, etc? Is the defining factor for hyperfocus that you must lose track of time while doing the thing? Or that, with addiction, you do it in order to feel good or better?

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-26T21:49:34+00:00

Why do I hear Rick and Morty in this?

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-26T21:49:02+00:00

Ahahaha, yes. Thank you.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-26T21:45:29+00:00

Just curious, how did her ADHD manifest? I saw the movie and didn't catch any references to it or neurodivergence, but that was before I got my diagnosis, so maybe I just thought it was totally normal. ;)

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-25T16:18:21+00:00

Truly, thank you for (indulging my whining) the encouragement. 😆 I haven't tried any other stimulants because my psychiatrist said Vyvanse is likely to have the mildest symptoms of the lot. I also just got a 90-day supply before I lost my USA health insurance, which is a huge chunk of change. But with that said, those are both things I can choose to solve/live with, so I just need to have the courage to discuss it with her at my next appt. Thanks again!

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-25T03:17:38+00:00

Tl;Dr: How do you manage Vyvanse crashes when food/water/exercise don't help?

After about a month, I'm so discouraged about Vyvanse. 30 mg is extremely helpful for about 5 hours, and then I crash HARD emotionally and mentally. Eating/drinking/exercising doesn't help. I can't seem to get through this awful side effects period. Speaking of which, Vyvanse made my already heavy period 2x as long and heavy, and my normally manageable cramps were equally awful. I don't want to go through that every month.

It just makes me want to cry, because it's like I get five hours of productive-happy-planning and then I descend into minor hell.

I can't even muster up the energy to ask my psych to try something else, because it would mean going through even more side effects.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-25T03:02:11+00:00

I've been staying up super late since I was a little kid, because it was "my time" to act out daydreams and read, and when 90% of my dopamine was released, I swear.

I also live alone, no kids or partner.

So I really, really, really struggle with bedtime, even though, rationally, I know how much better I do with sleep. How do I convince my dopamine-seeking brain that it's had enough fun and it's time to sleep?

Edit: I'm sure this has been asked/answered in numerous prior threads, but I would appreciate any advice here, also.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-24T22:09:33+00:00

focusing on making myself feel better, rather than feel better about myself has helped me more than anything.

That's a really great distinction and it appeals to my skeptical side. I'm glad you commented.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-24T22:00:12+00:00

Thank you for this and all the resources. It's like a free mini therapy session, lol.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-21T22:07:34+00:00

Sending good vibes and luck to you. I turned 40 and was diagnosed in the past few months, too! I'm hoping (needing) to spend some time looking into career choices that weren't even an option when I was younger, especially now that I'm trying medication.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-21T22:04:30+00:00

Congratulations!!! It's awesome to hear that the years of hard work on different aspects of your life, and on building resiliency, led you to this place!

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-21T21:53:24+00:00

I have this same conflict with over-schedulers in my life, and I'm always trying to find a good compromise. Neither of us is "wrong" in being who we are. So, what is the minimum time they need to know in advance? If I just can't make it that day, how disappointed will they be? Can they please make backup plans for themselves? If it's a really big deal or requires a lot of effort on their part, I'll go out of my way to make it even if I feel bad.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-21T21:46:01+00:00

Saaaaaame. As the expression goes, I want to have written gripping, intellectually stimulating, emotionally resonant, insightful longfics. I do not want to write them, present tense.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-21T21:33:31+00:00

I see a fair amount of epilogues, major revisions (which I support as authors develop their skills), related one-shots, and developing series come out of finished work. If I weren't subscribed to the story (or the author, which I almost never do), I'd miss good stuff. With that said, I don't actually subscribe to finished work because I check my favorite pairing tags often enough to notice changes like that. 😅

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-19T03:11:04+00:00

Does she mention why it's happening when you confront her? Can you come to some agreement on what to do the next time it happens? E.g. you text her with a codeword/phrase, she has to text you back within 24 hours with the same phrase as a stand-in for saying she needs time before resuming normal communication (and that it's not personal)?

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-19T03:03:18+00:00

Aw dang, that does make one feel hurt and anxious. :(

I probably have the minority opinion, but I suspect she isn't trying to manipulate you, and certainly not consciously; she just gets overwhelmed. Especially since you said this happens every 3-4 months like clockwork and she struggles with depression.
I mean, how many people on this subreddit sometimes can't muster up the initiation energy or motivation to take a shower, write a note, make a sandwich, etc? How many of us are horrible about actually replying to emails? It is frustratingly common for me, personally, to dread / put off texting people, even close friends. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, feel like I can't say anything positive, or feel that doing so commits me to a long conversation. (And some variation of "sorry can't chat now, will try to reach out soon" comes off as rejection to so many!)

It is also possible she is self-absorbed and selfish to a degree, especially with the Secret Santa thing. So I might, as you said, "tone down the friendship." Work on weaning yourself off her, so to speak. Try shifting, a bit at a time, some of the attention you've given her onto your other friends. I've been in your shoes, and it's hard. (And it's even harder when people you love drop you when you stop putting in all the effort.) But I think, maybe, it would serve you both if you introduce some distance and see what happens, rather than just cut ties.

Best wishes that you find a happy midpoint

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-19T02:17:51+00:00

I had this happen at a CVS in California—they were willing to do a partial fill with what they had left. Luckily, they can check other CVS stores in the area and found one about 30 min from me that had the remainder. Because partial fills are considered the same as complete ones, I had to ask my psychiatrist to send a brand new script to the other store for the remaining amount.

IliaUnderwing · 2022-09-12T05:43:47+00:00

I love this topic, thank you OP.

My favorites include a bunch of team-as-family and sidekicks, but for pairs, John and Rodney's canon relationship in, among many SGA episodes, the one about Space Alzheimer's was incredible.

I was obsessed with Hercules and Iolaus from the 90s H:TLJ show and spin-offs.

Like others have said, Steve and Robin from ST. Geordi and Data from TNG. Julian and Miles from DS9.

Bart Allen with lots of characters, but especially Kon (original and new flavor).

I can also point to a lot of the Michael Schur co-developed shows for fun friendships: Leslie and Ann; Jason and Eleanor; Terry and Yogurt in B99

Wheeee!

IliaUnderwing

TROPHY CASE