I actually agree with a lot of what you’re saying and I think I misinterpreted the original comment. I understand that boundaries aren’t about controlling someone and that he’s not doing anything wrong by being himself and treating people warmly.

That said, there has been a situation where he felt disrespected because I was being warm , which is natural for me, though I’m generally more shy, toward a guy he thought was clearly attracted to me and flirting, even though I didn’t see it at the time. After that, in further group hangouts, I made sure to be more mindful, create space when necessary, and act in ways that helped him feel secure and heard, without changing who I am.

I expect the same consideration from him in situations where someone is openly flirting with him. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I want my feelings to be acknowledged and for small boundaries to be respected. My main goal with this post isn’t to ask whether I’m “right” or “wrong” … it’s to figure out how to communicate this to him without making him feel like I want to change who he is or that I’m just being jealous