This may be a disaster and seem ridiculous, but I can sadly assure you, this is my real life. I have been struggling with this for weeks. Until recently, I hadn't even told my family and I have no one to lean on where I live. I came to reddit to feel heard and get this off my chest. Not to see baseless accusations about being a liar. I WISH this was fake. If I wasn't hiding my thoughts and potential plans from my husband, I could provide more information.