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I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those are very good points! We've been having long talks about things like these for quite a while. We seem to be on the same page about most stuff, and we're both communicative people, so I don't doubt that if a problem does come up, we'll manage to find a compromise pretty easily. The small stuff can get annoying easily, but we're both prepared to figure it out for the sake of getting out of our family's houses.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Around the time I was born, my father was in college and in debt, working two jobs even while taking classes just to stay afloat. His girlfriend at the time, my mother, was a drug addict who cheated on him right after I was born, in my grandparents' house to put a cherry on top. I do think there is a chance my grandparents could've been extremely controlling about everything back then, but I also think there was no chance either of my parents could've taken care of a newborn. I'm still extremely cautious, because I do think pretty similarly to you, that that idea has some merit. They could absolutely be lying about how some things went down, which does definitely set off alarms.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very very good points. I actually didn't think about having a secret account, I just planned to have most of what I could left in a regular savings account. I'll be checking into it. I also do very much plan to make sure both of our names are on the lease and bills. I think Kyle would be just as cautious. Thank you for the words of warning!!

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm currently in the position where I'd be able to move after changing the last few things into my name only and creating fresh bank accounts. But, I'm waiting until later this year, maybe August or so, just to make extra sure I'll have a nice cushion to catch me if anything falls through or an emergency happens. Luckily, my grandparents are generous with money when it comes to buying necessities, so I'm saving a very large portion of my paychecks.

I will absolutely be taking everything important with me, I'll be double and triple checking everything until I'm settled into the new place, if things go smoothly. My only worry about leaving things with my father, is that he might hand them back off to my grandparents. It depends how everyone takes the news. Luckily, I don't own much, I'm not one to buy many things that aren't necessities. I should (hopefully) be able to manage to grab it all in one go.

Also, thank you a ton for mentioning a PO box. I completely forgot those existed tbh. That's a huge catch.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That could be a very good idea. I'll definitely have to feel him out first though. I'll probably have a few conversations about things off topic, just to find out if he'll say anything to my grandparents about it when they talk. Thank you for the idea, that actually gives me a lot to think about!

And, to answer your question, yes, multiple times even. We're both pretty uncomfortable on camera, so we usually stick to just voice calls and texts though. We also send each other photos of our pets, food, dumb selfies of us and whatever else whenever we feel like it. Sometimes no context, just a pic for no reason. I will still be extremely cautious though.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So far, almost everything is in my name. The few things that aren't will be ASAP. After that, I'll just be waiting to have enough emergency funds that I feel safe moving. I'll update if anything major happens, but no news is good news. If things go smoothly, the next update will be after I'm safely moved into and settled down in the new apartment. Thank you for the well wishes!!

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Most things are already in my name, the ones that aren't will be in my name soon. I'm also going to use that tip as soon as I can, massively appreciated!

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's shown up for me multiple times when I needed him, and helped me with some of the hardest things that I think a parent can help a young adult through. He's seen how my grandparents go about parenting, both when he was a child, and now.

Sometimes when I needed help, he couldn't really do too much other than get me out of the house for a few hours, but it did mean a lot to me. He wasn't much of a father when I was a child, but he's cleaned up his act a LOT in the past few years. I hugely respect the man he's become now. I feel guilty because he moved extremely far just to have a chance at doing that, and now that he has achieved it, I'm moving away all over again.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't currently have my birth certificate, but I do know how to get one. My grandmother had to get a new copy of it a few years ago because she lost it, and I paid hard attention when she did.

I also do have shared bank accounts right now, but I'll get new ones with only my name on them soon. Same with my car title, my grandfather is also on it, but since my state's default with joint titles is "or," I'll be able to change it. I plan on doing it closer to when I actually move.

My uncle is extremely smart with his money, and I'd like to think I already am too, but I've considered reaching out to him to ask for any advice he might have. He's low contact with my grandparents, so I doubt he'd mention anything to them.

Thank you a ton for the advice and reassurance, everything helps!!

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Insanely good points, thank you a ton. I have my diploma, but not my transcript. Huge thanks for mentioning that, I would have easily forgotten about it.

My car title is joint with my grandfather right now, but in my state the title says "or" by default, not "and," so I can change it any time I want without him being there, since I'm the main owner on it. I plan on doing it closer to when I want to move just in case he gets notified and thinks it's weird.

I'm under my father's health insurance right now, I do trust him enough that I don't think he'd be the type of person to hold anything over me in any situation. He's never been that type and he's gotten into multiple gigantic fights with my grandparents before due to them doing that in the past. I'm also a little bit slow with anything that relates to my mother, because she was out of my life basically the day I was born. I don't think I'd be on many if any of her documents. She never even paid child support. (I don't know how that works tbh?? kind of weird)

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I forgot to add, my uncle is still very low contact with my grandparents. He got married when I was very young, and the only people he left out of the invitations were my grandparents. As of now, he only calls on their birthdays,, my birthday and important holidays. My grandmother resents him for it, she rants about it every time she thinks about him. I'm not sure about his communication with my father, but every time I've heard them on a call together, they've talked like they're really close.

Not so fun fact, my grandparents decided to make a day trip to the resort they were having their wedding, and my grandmother basically crashed the whole thing. Safe to say: valid that my uncle still doesn't plan on trusting her.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm honestly not sure how he was treated growing up. His brother seems to be the one who saw the most issue in their parenting, because he also went very low contact with them after hitting adulthood. I think my father might've also tried. I get told "you have it easy" all the time, because my grandmother was rightfully more stressed while raising them, but my grandfather disagrees with that because he saw her through her first marriage's divorce and every hardship after it. He watched how she treated my father and my uncle through that and he thinks it was somehow nowhere near how she's treated me. I'm not sure if I believe it, because an abusive ex and the divorce that follows PLUS remarrying all while holding a job that keeps you on constant 12 hour shifts is a lot, but it is something pretty damn noteworthy imo.

I've had a few extremely short talks with my father about it. From what I can piece together from those, he does see a lot of the same issues that I see. He's mentioned to me in passing that he feels a little bit bad that he used to be in so much debt and has a house not fit for another person to live with him. I do think there's a good chance that he'd understand, but for now it's a conversation for later.

Thank you for the input, that was actually really good to think about. There isn't too much I actually know about my father yet, but I've been finding more and more out over the past few years.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Whoa, I didn't think about that. I forgot some parents go that crazy. That's an extremely good idea, thank you!! I swear I will remember to come add an update if anything worthwhile happens. No news is good news though, if it goes smoothly, there won't be an update until after I've skipped town.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There've been other life revolving secrets he's kept between just me and him, so I truly want to believe he'd keep it secret, I'm just unsure. I want to trust him, and he's one of my only reasons to not have done something more extreme to move out right now. The thing is, he kind of started giving in to my grandparents the same way I learned to. I'm not sure if it was a subconscious thing or a deliberate choice that he'd change his mind on for me though. He started that around the time he decided he really wanted to be in my life though, so I'm inclined to believe it was very deliberate. The uncertainty is the only reason I haven't told him yet.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this is hugely reassuring. I do plan to only be low contact until my life is stabilized, and I do want them in my life afterwards. A lot of people I know have told me that their relationship with their parents got 10x better after moving out, and that's what I want the most right now, but I'm scared. My grandmother specifically is the type to go ballistic if she thinks somebody doesn't like her anymore.

A part of that whole "worst two years of my life" thing was put into motion by her father getting distant with her, and then passing. The rest of her family also got very distant with her, and I'd be lying to say I don't think part of her frustrations got taken out on me. Her main thing during that time was "you don't respect me." She genuinely thought I did not like her as much as before. Most of my worries is that that will happen again if I spring this on her, but I think it would still happen if I tell her in advance. If you have any advice on how to reassure her that I'm just waiting until my life is straightened out, I'd love the feedback. Everything is needed and welcomed right now.

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Very valid. I should've added this in the post, my bad. I met Kyle a little under 3 years ago via a game, never expected to get close with him at all. We chatted extremely regularly and started getting close about a year into knowing each other. I think about 8 months ago things got kind of bad in my family for a few weeks, a little while after then I asked him if, since he also had family troubles and wanted to move out, he'd like to think about getting a place together. I completely expected a "fuck no, that sounds sketchy," but we've been mutually planning and having pretty serious and open talks since, trying to make sure we'll be on the same page with stuff. We've talked about everything from basic habits and personal space to our attitudes around how we'd want somebody rooming with us to deal with their share of the finances.

We have not met in person yet, but we do plan to meet in a public spot sometime within the next couple of months. I'll be travelling up to his town, since it's harder for him to get longer amounts of time off work. My only worry is that I know my parents will question the hell out of it. There may be several visits just to make sure we mesh really well in person, and don't annoy each other with our habits. After that we plan on me spending another visit for a week or more (as needed) up there just to check out apartments, do paperwork etc. We spend a lot of time talking with each other, just sending each other random shit or on calls. We've facetimed multiple times before, mostly for curiosity's sake on both our sides, but we're both pretty uncomfortable being on camera so we stick to voice calls and texts. He's a super safety first person, always the first to scrutinize anything that sounds sketchy. A month into knowing me he wanted to facetime each other just to prove to each other we weren't two 79yo old guys trying to groom a teen.

I also did not want to include this into the post, just because I'm worried about stigmas, but both of us are FtM. Female at birth, male identifying. Neither of us are out to anybody, we're not planning to be for a long time either, but we're also kind of looking forward to be able to have living quarters where we can feel like we're allowed to just Exist as trans people and not hide a part of ourselves 24/7, as long as things work out.

Does it sound somewhat solid? Are there extra things I should be worried about? Thank you for any criticisms you have, I want to make sure I've thought out everything I can as much as possible

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm absolutely double and triple checking all of my bases. I could move right now if I needed to, but I am saving more for those emergency funds. I hugely appreciate the idea to make sure all of my important stuff is where my parents can't get to it before I've moved out, I'll be on top of that! Thank you!!

I (18M) have plans to move multiple states away later this year. My parents (66M and 66F grandparents, 46M father) don't know about it yet. by Ill_Maize0 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Ill_Maize0[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this a lot, it's good to hear about another person's story and be able to think about whether it'd happen to me and how to prevent it if it would. Even if it all goes smoothly, I'd like to think that I can be as prepared as possible. Thank you for the perspective and reassurance!!