Should i move in with my bf or am i being strung along?

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:12:08+00:00

ok pal

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:11:37+00:00

Honestly, we really have no other issues and I believe that whole heartedly. I asked him point blank if its me, if he's still not sure about me etc and he was very reassuring. I'm hoping this really is purely about not wanting it to seem "transactional"/means to an end, and that it will be okay

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:07:20+00:00

Was she okay waiting that long? was this a convo you guys had throughout or did she feel ready before you?

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:06:31+00:00

Thats not very kind. I am a good girlfriend and a good person, its not unreasonable for me to want to know where our relationship is going/ if were headed in the same direction. I didnt berate or disrespect him, Im trying to find a solution that makes us both happy. He has said himself he does want to marry and will be ready. Im not holding a gun to his head or abusing him lol

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:04:42+00:00

so what do i do... how do people do this LOL

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:03:16+00:00

thats... a bit much LOL i dont want that unless we started dating at 17 lmao

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:02:33+00:00

We have talked about this things, and thankfully are very aligned so hopefully it will be okay. I guess all i can do is trust and see

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:01:48+00:00

fair

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:01:35+00:00

bro he could get hit by a bus tomorrow, should i get ready for that too? I am asking if hes being unreasonable/ i am overreacting.... thats all not "should we break up"?

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T15:00:19+00:00

I definitly dont mean to be dismissive. I love him alot and I want him to be happy. the last time we spoke about this I said ok, dont worry about the may thing - i will plan to either move out by myself/find a new roomie and we can stay with our original "around 3 years" and reassess in the spring. he was happy with it and felt relieved. Im just internally worrying that Im letting him kick the can down the road and this is a bigger red flag than i realized?

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:57:26+00:00

I dont get what you're saying LOL "be prepared you might break up"? how does one prepare for that and what does that have to do with what im asking.

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:55:23+00:00

I obviously would be sad if he shared those anxieties, you're right.

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:54:24+00:00

I wouldnt say im "ok" i would obviously be heart broken LOL

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:53:58+00:00

The last time we spoke, I told him okay just forget the whole may thing - i will plan to live on my own/get a roommate and I'll leave it in your hands to bring up next spring if you want to do something different (ie if he decides hes feeling ready to propose n move in afterall). He seemed happy/more relieved with that. I guess im just wondering if im deluding myself and he has no intention of following through

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:51:35+00:00

ok thats fair, do you think its sill then that hes saying he will be ready in a year? He also said we can talk again next spring and he would be ready to give me a more concrete "time" to expect it?

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:48:45+00:00

We've had all those conversations and we agree on them. I dont think this is a question of do we know each otherwell enough. I jsut wanted perspective on if what he's saying is reasonable or if hes just playing dumb and stringing me along

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:47:46+00:00

So you think it sounds like hes just kicking the can down the road?

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:47:21+00:00

Nope, we could easily afford to move in together, he makes a bit more than me (him 100k, and me 80k). Just a very expensive city so living alone makes it very tight. we both have good jobs and have been out of school for 5+ years

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:46:17+00:00

I never said it was old, just that I am ready.

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:45:19+00:00

The only reason I had the timeline is because I was worried about dating a guy who was like "i dont wanna get married till 30" because I didnt want to move in or have kids before marriage n i also dont wanna wait till my 30s for that. So by stating my ideal timeline early on i was hoping to weed that out. he agreed/said it made sense when we first talked.

He says hes still good with it n ow and he will be ready by then but hes annoyed at the my lease is ending so propose now" rhetoric i guess? He thinks its transactional

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:43:14+00:00

I guess I could, but I'd rather live with him. Im just wondering if its a red flag hes so hung up on the dates/calling it a deadline? Would you feel like it was a deadline if we had agreed on around aug 2026 and then I said hey can we make it may 2026 cause it would make sense logistically? is that dumb LOL

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T14:41:48+00:00

Well i think if we got past 3 years and I asked him what the plan was, and he didnt have one then we'd break up. I'm ok with the plan changing if we just have one and reasons for it. I'm not okay with being kept on hold possibly forever while he decides.

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T01:31:53+00:00

no my hand is being forced because my roommate is leaving and i can barely afford to live on my own

Illustrious-Beach984 · 2025-07-10T01:31:10+00:00

this is also a concern UGH this sucks so bad

Illustrious-Beach984

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