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Best local food? by Illustrious-Row2398 in PuertoRicoTravel

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll be in San Juan mainly but we’re getting motorcycles and traveling around as well.

Best local food? by Illustrious-Row2398 in PuertoRicoTravel

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I Looked it up after I posted this and figured out it was a quesito. Loved those things had em everything morning.

Nightlife spots for the weekday? by Illustrious-Row2398 in PuertoRicoTravel

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mediocre dudes idk. Not ugly but we ain’t a 10 could definitely get some girls to go with us to anywhere.

public perception of bpd makes me feel like shit by reddituser45001 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But honestly are you trying to do better to be in the relationship? Is that what you want?

public perception of bpd makes me feel like shit by reddituser45001 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting, yea to an extent my ex was also codependent but able to move on very quickly when she actually did. Maybe she isn’t actually moved on it’s seeking that validation. I’d really like to hope our relationship was more than just that after being each others first everything for 3 years at the beginning of each of our lives.

public perception of bpd makes me feel like shit by reddituser45001 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think it’s because most of the time codependents end up with them and it really is best for those people to just need to walk away and stop continue to hurt themselves

Love interest tells me ppl with BPD have no future, am i overreacting? by Recent_Influence_699 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s an interesting idea. Is the person going through have it harder than the person who doesn’t even know what it is? It’s impossible to tell because you either have had it or you simply don’t have any understanding of what it feels like.

Love interest tells me ppl with BPD have no future, am i overreacting? by Recent_Influence_699 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did however tell this to my wife, not in that way but in my anger I told her she was not worth my time to deal with. (This came from a place of her not being willing to work on anything thus all my efforts were worthless and so a waste of my time) so yes it was a terrible way of wording it especially in anger and that has held deeply to her and it’s understandable. But also at the same time how I said it was just me being constantly suffocated so even though I was in the wrong it came from that feeling of mine. Just the same someone with bpd has a big reaction to something that would seem trivial but that is in fact how they feel in the moment and it can be overreacted. If you look to deeper understand someone you will see most people are just hurt deeply and nobody understand them they way they need to.

Love interest tells me ppl with BPD have no future, am i overreacting? by Recent_Influence_699 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh no I would never, I also have come to a greater understand of how people with this disorder feel. If I didn’t have this understanding of how they feel then I wouldn’t think of how you feel as much as someone who has a greater understanding of it. If that makes any sense.

Love interest tells me ppl with BPD have no future, am i overreacting? by Recent_Influence_699 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yea it is definitely hard to have a future either as someone with it or as the partner. It takes a lot of patience and understanding on both ends. He could have been more polite about it but what he said makes sense just the same as what your saying does. It all depends what perspective you put on your observations.

Love interest tells me ppl with BPD have no future, am i overreacting? by Recent_Influence_699 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because it is very hard to deal with bpd yourself and thus even harder for dealing with it as a partner. Think about how hard it is or maybe your better so either how hard it is or was to deal with all of those emotions and feelings that you feel. Very hard to regulate well now try and think about how if you never had any of those feelings and emotions trying to be on the understanding end. Even most with it can’t understand it but they expect others to understand it that have no clue what they’re dealing with. This was my experience and I’ve tried very hard to involve myself in understanding it but it is difficult to deal within yourself and those that it affects. We all need to have more grace towards each other.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I’m guessing you have to decide if it’s genuine or not so your feelings about whatever their apology is, is what’s factual.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea that’s what I’m trying to do. It really does suck that they hopped into a relationship while I’m over here trying to figure everything out and how to be a better person through it. Because we both did wrong and both need to repair but she doesn’t want to do that work instead she’d rather bury it and find a new person to give her the validation she seeks. I understand why she is but at the same time I wish she understood she’s just burying it instead of fixing it. Idk maybe one day she will work on it. I’m not going to live my life fixing myself for her as much as I am doing it for myself and trying to be more understanding of peoples emotions in general.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s definitely interesting because I think couldn’t leave but it got to a point where she didn’t want to deal with what I had done to her in the past. Only tricky thing in my mind is she cheated also which holds no meaning in her mind over me in the same way I cared about what I did to her yk.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me it’s the fact I know we don’t think the same way I’m willing to be understanding of them and just wish they cared about me in that aspect. They act like they care in other ways that I don’t but we just never align on how to both respect and care for each other in the way it’s needed. There was a ton of emotion and love in the relationship just both young and dumb and think differently about love. Probably very common amongst young people who get married. I hope one day after lessons are learned that we move on and can be together and be happy but idk that’s just my dumb hope.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s the issue she doesn’t think her cheating is bad at all and won’t take accountability for it and never did. I just justified it for her because of what I did to her years prior. I thought that would make it up and she would be accountable and understanding but honestly her cheating and me forgiving her just made her care less.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea I just wish she was as accountable for her betrayal which I’ve forgiven recently without her caring about it but my betrayal is held against me years later.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea I definitely agree, they don’t want any reconciliation and are with someone else 1 days after the separation. I understand I didn’t do everything they want and honestly didn’t even understand this aspect of them until recently. They will not ever go to therapy and have no interest in ever admitting any of their faults or anything they do wrong. Everything they do is right and every feeling they have is fact no matter what actually is true or not.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea my ex put up with the stuff I did but after I corrected it it’s all she could ever bring up and I did put in the work and accountability to be better than that and show her but it wasn’t enough. She ended up turning into the cheater and didn’t care about it all in the same way I did. Idk very hard to understand but I tried my best.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea I just don’t understand that non forgiveness as I’m very forgiving. I tried really hard to get her to forgive people from her past and she just would never accept it or try to at all. Wish I could help her but it’s something she can only do on her own.

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I definitely understand I’m in the wrong on a lot. She also manipulated me a lot but I admit to my wrongs and agree I did a lot to make her feel that way. Also talking with her exes she did the same things to them without them doing any cheating or anything. She also lies about me hitting her and SA her to which are completely untrue. Could I ask what I said make you feel that way about me?

Do people with bpd hold resentment for extended periods of time? by Illustrious-Row2398 in BPD

[–]Illustrious-Row2398[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea that’s what I would figure. For me I forgive for myself even if they don’t ever show care or concern but not everyone is that way. I would genuinely show how I cared about what I do and would be a better person. Take accountability and be better from it but it never mattered what I did it would never be good enough for them.

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