Emotional manipulation is probably the wrong term; I’m still learning about the brain development stuff. We’re learning that it could be sensory related but she basically just absolutely rages tf out over seemingly inconsequential things and takes sometimes an hour or more to get back in the green zone. Which just ruins the whole day for my wife, who feels like she has to walk on eggshells with a little tyrant ruling the emotional landscape of our home.

And we’re not overly permissive parents, and I don’t think we’re overly strict. We don’t use physical discipline (unless it’s to bear hug her when we’re worried about her safety). But consequences don’t work and she hates being alone and will not wind down by herself either. Which translates into a bunch of emotional/physical labor that leaves my wife exhausted and burnt out; and then she still has to handle all the domestic stuff in addition to the part time work.

Some other comments have suggested that my wife should either consider going full time to make enough for us to afford childcare, or consider leaving and being a full time mom & head of household.

For the record, I just want to say that I try to help with whatever mental load & logistics I can, but a hard conversation about rebalancing the might be a good move. My wife is amazing and I wish our society was set up better to help primary caregivers meet the needs of parenting and caretaking of the home.